Tony's eyes snapped open and he groped blindly for his cell phone, knocking something off the night stand before he came up with the maniacally ringing device. Gibbs' name glowed up at him from the ID screen and he groaned, flipping the phone open. "DiNozzo," he said.

Gibbs began speaking without preamble. "Call Kate and Ducky. Have them meet us at Little Creek."

"Gotcha," Tony said, sitting up and throwing his blankets off. "We got a case?

"No, DiNozzo, I'm sure the MPs at Little Creek are just eager to see your smiling face."

Gibbs disconnected the call and Tony whistled, shaking his head. "Not a morning person. This will be a fun one." He dialed Ducky's number as stepped into his closet, finding a relatively clean pair of slacks. Some days, he wore a suit. Some days, something not-necessarily-dirty from the hamper sufficed. Today felt like a suit day.

"Mallard here," Ducky said.

"Hey, Ducky, did I wake you?"

"No, unfortunately, Mother beat you to it. Do we have a body?"

"Gibbs told me to call you, got a case out in Little Creek. So unless he's just looking for your sparkling personality..."

Ducky laughed. "I shall meet you at the site with Mr. Palmer and my gear."

"See you then," Tony said. He ended the call and then dialed Kate's number, putting on his slacks before hitting 'send.' He didn't know how she would ever figure out if he had called her pants-less, but he didn't want to risk it.

After five rings, he was about to give up when a sleep-crusted voice came on the line. "Todd."

"Hi, Todd! I was lookin' for Kate!"

She groaned. "Tony... I swear, if you're just..."

"Not me. Gibbs. We have a call at Little Creek."

Kate muttered a curse under her breath. After a pause, she said, "I... uh, I'm going to be late."

Tony froze, his hand halfway to a shirt. "Late? To... a crime scene? Ooh, Kate, I'm not sure that's such a..."

"...Great idea? Tell me about it. But it's... unavoidable, Tony."

Tony sighed and said, "Well, all right. I'll see what I can do to cover for ya. Might be best if you go straight to the office. I'll call you with info so you can get a head start on the background information."

Kate grudgingly said, "Thanks, Tony."

"You'll owe me," he added, hanging up. He finished dressing before he thought of McGee, dialing the new agent's number on his way out the door. "Mah-Gee! Rise and shine, cherub-cheeks, we've got a stiffy! No, this is not an obscene phone call..."

---

The body was sprawled on a dune, arms and legs splayed as they would be if he'd simply fallen where he stood. Ducky and Palmer arrived in the truck at the same time Tony showed up in his car. They walked down to the body together, Tony pulling a camera from his pack. An MP approached, meeting them halfway down the beach. "Special Agent Gibbs?" he asked, addressing Tony.

"He's on his way. Special Agent DiNozzo. Doctor Donald Mallard. The lacky is Jimmy Palmer."

The MP ignored the slight attempt at humor and motioned behind him. "Deceased is Petty Officer Jeremy McClain. I ran into him once or twice on-base. Good kid, knew how to respect his commanding officers, a real boon to the Navy. It's a shame that the good ones always end up like this."

"A lot of petty officers dying on this beach?"

"I meant dead before their time, Agent DiNozzo."

Tony and Ducky followed the MP down the sand. His throat was obviously slashed, blood pooling on his shirt and in the sand around him. His eyes were wide, his mouth open slightly in shock. Tony snapped a few pictures, looking up as another truck pulled into the lot. "That would be Gibbs. I'll go grab him."

He moved up the sand, coming at the truck from behind. Gibbs opened the door, putting his foot out onto the pavement as he pulled on a pair of rubber gloves. Unable to resist, Tony moved to the back of the truck, inching silently forward. Finally, he'd have a chance to sneak up on Gibbs. Finally, payback for all those times Gibbs had just appeared out of thin air at the most inopportune mo--

"What've we got, DiNozzo?"

Tony paused, his prank ruined and looked towards the beach. "Dead petty officer. Throat slashed from here to here," he said, drawing a line under his chin from one ear to the other. "Not pretty."

"Seldom is," Gibbs muttered. He slammed the door of his truck and followed Tony down the sand to where Ducky and Palmer were moving back and forth like shadows against the darkness. Tony lifted the camera and took the opportunity to get a few more shots of the scene.

Gibbs nodded to Ducky. "Duck, hope we didn't disturb your mother, calling so early."

"Ah, Jethro!" Ducky said, rising to a standing position. "Hardly. Mother is usually up at all hours, usually watching Nick-at-Nite. She is particularly fond of Gilligan's Island, though one can hardly..."

"The body, Ducky," Gibbs prompted.

"Yes," Ducky said, shifting his gaze to the man at his feet. "The poor petty officer's throat was slashed, as you can plainly see. From the angle of the cut, I'd say the killer was standing in front of him rather than behind."

"Swinging blindly?" Gibbs asked.

"Perhaps, or a lucky shot."

"Maybe a crime of passion," Tony offered. "Lover's stroll on the beach, guy says something the girl doesn't like, she stabs him."

Gibbs turned those icy blue eyes to Tony. "A lot of your dates carry knives on romantic strolls with you?"

"Sometimes," Tony admitted quietly.

Ducky smirked.

Jimmy Palmer arrived from the truck, pushing the gurney through the sand. Tony stepped out of its way and lifted the camera. "Got pictures of the body, surrounding scene. Gotta love the flash at these pre-dawn crime scenes, huh, boss?"

Gibbs ignored the question. "Where are Kate and McGee?"

"I told McGee to head directly to the office," Tony said, himself ignoring half of Gibbs' question. He hoped the older man wouldn't notice, but...

"That answers one of my questions."

...but Gibbs was Gibbs. He shifted from one foot to the other and cleared his throat. He had to go with the truth; Gibbs would find out anyway. "She's, ah... running a little late, boss."

Gibbs looked back at the body. When he finally spoke, he said nothing of Kate's tardiness. "All right, Duck. Get this guy to the morgue, let me know what you find. DiNozzo, you and me, walk the perimeter. Give me ten feet on either side of the body, five feet out."

"You got it, boss."

They separated, leaving Ducky and Palmer to deal with the body.

---

Gibbs had been uncomfortably quiet on the ride from the scene. As they rode up in the elevator, Tony thought to the box of evidence they had checked in downstairs. They had spent an hour, ending well after sunrise, with only a candy wrapper and a few dozen cigarette butts to show for their troubles.

"Beaches are like footprint museums, boss," Tony said in the elevator. They'd spent an hour combing the beach around the body of Petty Officer Jeremy McClain and had come up with nothing more than a cigarette butt and a few dozen cigarette butts. "The fact we didn't find that many around the body could indicate that the killer tried to cover her footprints."

Gibbs didn't comment, so Tony dropped the idea. Truth was, the wind could be as much to blame for the lack of footprints. He followed Gibbs into the squad room, glancing at Kate as they passed her desk. She watched Gibbs, noticing how steadfastly he was ignoring her, and mouthed, "Mad?"

"Oh, yeah," Tony mouthed back.

She stood and cleared her throat, opening the file she'd been holding. "I did some digging on Petty Officer McClain... his parents are still alive, live in a suburb of Virginia Beach. McClain was assigned to the USS Grapple, no outstanding reports from his CO, either good or bad. Nothing on the mission list."

"He live on base?" Gibbs asked.

Tony was surprised he was speaking to her.

Kate nodded. "In the BOQ."

"Get out there with DiNozzo and McGee, see if you can find any evidence of a girlfriend."

Tony glanced at Kate. "So... you think it was a lover's quarrel?"

"No, that was your theory, Tony. It was a good one." Tony smirked at Kate, raising his eyebrows and preparing a smart-ass remark when Gibbs said, "Gloating would be a very bad idea, DiNozzo."

"Got it, boss," Tony said. He headed to his desk, grabbing his gear before going to the elevator. As he leaned over his desk, he heard Gibbs say Kate's name. When he looked, he saw Kate standing as if at execution, listening intently to whatever Gibbs had to say. When he finished, she quietly assured him it wouldn't happen again.

She caught up with him at the elevator, exhaling sharply. "Is he always like that when someone's late?" she asked.

"Wouldn't know. I've never been late to a crime scene. And the agents who are, well... they're hardly around long enough for me to ask them." The elevator arrived and he stepped into the car, smiling brightly. Kate glared at him.

---

They picked up McGee in Abby's lab and headed down to Little Creek's Bachelor Officer's Quarters. It was set up like a small apartment building, similar to those found outside the borders of a military base. The only difference was the strict dress code. According to the background Kate had looked up, PO McClain was in Apartment 4. They got the key from the building officer and let themselves in.

"Wow," Tony said, stepping into Carol Brady's wet dream. "This guy did not know the definition of being a guy." He ran his gloved finger along the edge of the mail table next to the front door. It came back spotless.

McGee went ahead into the living room, sitting down his gear and unstrapping his backpack.

"McGee, check this guy's closet. Maybe he's got a Stepford Wife in there..."

"Stepford Wife?" McGee said.

Tony's face went pale. "Okay, I'll forgive you not knowing the Duke's movie, Cary Grant's, all the greats. But probie... please... tell me you're joking. Tell me you've at least heard of The Stepford Wives. If not the 1975 Katharine Ross, Tina Louise version, then at least the one with Nicole Kidman."

"I've heard of it," McGee admitted. "I just don't know what it has to do with this. I mean, these are the bachelor quarters, right?"

Tony snapped, "Go check the bedroom, probie."

McGee disappeared down the hall. Kate chuckled and said, "You don't have to be so hard on him, Tony. Not everyone has a Blockbuster Gold card like you."

Tony smiled. "Ah, c'mon, Kate. We're alone now! Don't you want to talk about more interesting things? Like... why you were late?"

"I just... overslept."

"Then why didn't you answer your house phone?"

Kate paled. "You called my house phone?"

Tony's smile widened. "No. But now I know you weren't at home." He picked up one of the magazines on the coffee table, noticing the name on the address label was different. Tracy Fiddle, next apartment over. "Guy gets his neighbor's mail... apparently keeps it, too."

"Look, Tony, where I was isn't important."

"You're right, Kate," Tony acknowledged. He walked past her, pausing and putting a hand on her shoulder. "What is important... is that you owe me." He laughed evilly and headed into the bedroom. "McGee, what've you got?"

"Laptop, a couple of tame love letters," McGee reported, holding up a handful of purple paper.

Tony took them and whistled. "Wow, if you think they're tame..." He unfolded one, reading it. "Man. Someone should definitely learn how to talk dirty. These are... yeah." He folded them back up and said, "All right, McGee, what's in the laptop?"

"No clue. We have to get it to Abby to hack in, get past the password."

Tony nodded and scanned the walls of the bedroom. "Cartoon posters. Most guys go for the Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra stuff, but no... no, Petty Officer McClain has cartoon characters on his wall."

McGee followed Tony's gaze. "Oh, that's He-Man." Tony slowly turned to look at the probie, who mistook it for genuine interest. "He-Man, She-Ra... Prince Adam and Skeletor..."

"Probie," Tony snapped. "I am very, very worried about you right now."

McGee sighed. "It's all right for you to reference every movie under the sun, but when I have some knowledge..."

Tony held up a hand. "When I do it, it's trivia. When you do it... it's just sad, McGee." He sighed and went back to the front room. "Okay, Katie bear, what have you for us?"

"An apartment ready to show to future renters tonight," Kate said. "Everything is alphabetical. The DVDs, the cereal, everything. There's not a speck of dirt in the place, no sign that anyone actually lived here."

"Neat freak," Tony said. "Had a girlfriend like that once... I had to take a shower every single time we..."

"Please, Tony, please," Kate interrupted.

Tony shrugged and said, "All right, bag and tag what we've got. Let's get back to the office." Kate and McGee snickered. Tony frowned at them and said, "What?"

"You're becoming Gibbs."

Tony pointed a finger at McGee. "Watch yourself, probie."

McGee nodded. "Yeah, in about three years? You'll have that down to a pointed stare."

Kate said, "He's right. You're Mini-Gibbs."

"Gibbs-on-the-go," McGee offered.

"The next best thing to real Gibbs."

They were still laughing when they left the apartment. Tony muttered, "If I was saying those things, Gibbs would have heard me. Some how, some way..."

---

McGee headed downstairs with the evidence while Kate and Tony rode the elevator up to the squad room. Once alone in the car, Tony said, "You're really not going to tell me where you were this morning?"

"I don't see how it's any of your business."

"See, now... it wasn't my business to try to cover for you with Gibbs, but... out of friendship, Kate, I found a way to come through for you."

The elevator doors opened and she said, "Come through for me? You call this coming through for me?"

"Hey!" He hesitated and then shrugged. "I-I tried!"

"Trying only counts in kindergarten, Tony," Kate said.

They walked to Gibbs' desk, Tony waiting until Gibbs was paying attention to speak. "Guy was a serious neat freak. Had labels for everything in his cupboard... 'vegetables, more than two weeks old'; 'cereal - fruit-flavored'; 'cereal - plain'... the guy was a panic attack waiting to happen."

"Might be why he joined the Navy," Kate suggested. "Someone who needs that much order probably relished the opportunity to have such a rigid schedule. When to get up, when to eat, when to sleep..."

"Any signs of a girlfriend?" Gibbs asked.

"A few love letters on scented paper. They're not Shakespeare, but Penthouse wouldn't publish them, either. We had McGee drop 'em with Abby along with the guy's laptop."

Gibbs perked up slightly. "The love letters were hand-written?"

"Yeah..."

Gibbs actually smiled a bit at this news. "Dear God, there might be hope for this generation after all..."

"I still hand-write all my Christmas cards," Tony said.

Gibbs stood. "Good work, DiNozzo."

He walked off and Kate held her hands out. "What, you were alone in that apartment?"

"I was in charge..." Tony said, going to his desk.

"He flat ignored me. He's punishing me for being late, isn't he?"

Tony shrugged, putting his hands on his head. "Kate, Gibbs is like a wounded puppy. He'll ignore you for a while, but once the hurt has gone away... he'll be eating the kibble out of your hand again in no time."

Kate smiled. "Well, you would know... being his doppelganger."

Tony's smile faded. "You want the whole team mad at you, is that it?"

Kate shrugged and pulled off her jacket. "Who knows... I might actually get some peace and quiet around here."

Tony shook his head and went to work. He opened McClain's file, searching his history. Enlisted at nineteen, out of high school. Digging a little deeper, he found that McClain had graduated a year late. He spent most of his freshman year in the hospital after a car accident. A few notices for disorderly conduct, fighting and the like. Nothing too eye-catching.

"Looks like our petty officer had a little bit of a short fuse."

"I'm reading an incident report by a Petty Officer Beaman. No charges brought up on either of them, witnesses say that Beaman provoked McClain with homophobic comments."

"Hm. You think maybe McClain was... ah..." He made a hand motion.

"Just because the guy actually has a tidy apartment doesn't mean he's gay, Tony."

Tony shrugged. "Doesn't mean he's straight, either."

Kate rolled her eyes.

Tony picked up his phone, dialing the number on the screen. "I'm going to see if I can get a little more background on these other fights."

Forty-seven minutes and eight phone calls later, Tony hung up and saw that Gibbs was again at his desk. All he'd been able to find out was that McClain had started most of the fights, prompted by a comment. The nature of the comment, in every case, was something no one else could recall. One person assumed that it had just been taken the wrong way and McClain had been offended for no real reason.

He was about to tell Gibbs about his calls when the phone rang. Gibbs listened and hung up, motioning at the elevator. "Abby's got something for us."

---

"What did you find, Abby?"

"Actually, it was McGee," she said, indicating the probie sitting at the computer next to her. Tony and Kate flanked Gibbs, listening as McGee explained how he'd found their new clue.

"Well, I just happened to figure out the guy's password. It saved us a lot of hacking time."

"You guessed a total stranger's password?" Kate marveled.

"Well, he seemed to follow the He-Man fandom, what with the DVDs and the VHS tapes in his room, the posters and..." He caught Gibbs look and said, "I... uh... noticed the 'O' key on the laptop keyboard was slightly worn indicating slightly... more... use than normal." He cleared his throat and nodded at the monitor. "We've accessed his private emails."

"I'm hoping they're more interesting than the He-Man story," Gibbs said.

"More love letters. Very, very steamy love letters from some girl named Tracy."

A light snapped on in Tony's head. The magazines on the coffee table, the ones that had been delivered by mistake. "The quarters next to McClain's are registered to a Tracy Fiddle."

"Fiddle?" Gibbs said.

"As in 'hey-diddle-diddle'?" McGee asked.

"I'd have gone for 'fit as a,' McGee," Tony said. "It's a little more masculine than nursery rhymes."

Gibbs asked, "How did you glean this information without McGee or Kate finding out along with you?"

"There was a stack of mail in McClain's apartment." He walked across the room to the evidence box, digging around and coming back with an Entertainment Weekly. "A couple of magazines, some junk mail envelopes, were addressed to Tracy Fiddle. The address put her right next door to our dead guy."

Gibbs nodded and said, "Let's go see Ms. Fiddle. Abby, see what else you can find. I don't care if you have to input the names of Bart, Homer and Eliza, you get me everything on that computer."

A voice at the back of Tony's head chanted, "Lisa, Lisa, Lisa." He silenced it as he followed Gibbs to the elevator. They got into the car and Tony noticed Kate was still standing back at the computers with Abby. He winced in anticipation and, true to form, Gibbs shouted, "Special Agent Todd!"

She cut short whatever she was saying and hurried over, stepping into the car. Without looking at her, Gibbs moved his hand from the door. In a voice like ice, he said, "You do not want to make me wait a third time today, Special Agent Todd."

"Won't happen again, Gibbs."

The elevator fell silent. Tony, against his better judgment, let his inner voice say, "Lisa."

"What?" Gibbs snapped.

"Nothing, boss."

---

Tony directed them down the hall, pointing out Tracy Fiddle's apartment. He stepped aside and let Gibbs knock. When the door opened, a young man wearing a white t-shirt and uniform pants looked nervously at his three guests. He looked like the knocking had woken him up. "Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS," he said, flipping the wallet to show his ID. "We're looking for Petty Officer Tracy Fiddle."

"That's me," the man in the doorway said. He glanced at Kate and Tony and asked, "They NCIS, too?"

"They are," Gibbs said, calm and collected.

Tony's mind was racing. Every fight seemed to have been sparked by some comment. The one example they had was homophobic. Sexy letters from a Tracy Fiddle... the pieces were slipping together as Gibbs and the petty officer spoke. He heard Fiddle ask, "Is he... in some kind of trouble?"

"The worst kind," Tony stepped. "He's dead."

"What?" Fiddle said quietly. "He... how?"

"On the beach," Kate said. "Did you ever exchange emails with Petty Officer McClain?"

Fiddle shrugged. "Yeah, I don't know... sometimes..."

"Were those emails of a sexual nature?"

Fiddle's face tensed. "I... I mean, you know... I ain't no fag or anything..."

"Course not," Tony said. "Your boyfriend was."

"You shut up," Fiddle practically hissed.

"Up late last night?" Tony asked. "Kind of late for you to still be Droopy Dog." He glanced quickly towards Gibbs. The senior officer, obviously sensing DiNozzo was going somewhere, was saying nothing to get in his way.

Fiddle glared at Tony. "I had some files to sort. Took me a while."

"Files to sort," Tony laughed. "Is that the new euphemism? It doesn't make sense, but then, not a lot of them do..."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs said.

"You make him shut the hell up," Fiddle growled at Gibbs. "He's trying to make me sound like some kind of..."

Tony leaned forward and whispered, "The word is homosexual."

Fiddle's fist was a blur, cutting through the air and connecting with Tony's jaw in a flash. Tony was knocked back and, when he righted himself, saw that Gibbs had Fiddle kneeling on the hall carpet. Kate had vanished; Tony wasn't sure where to. Gibbs recited Fiddle's rights as he slapped his cuffs onto him.

By the time Fiddle was taken care of, Kate appeared from inside the apartment. "We have several knives," she reported. "Pocket knives, butcher... but the one I'm interested in is the switchblade sitting in the sink. Did you have really rare steak last night, Fiddle?"

"Get a CSU team down here and call for a warrant," Gibbs said, hauling the man to his feet. "Not that we'll need one, what with you taking a swing at one of my men." He looked at Tony and said, "Antagonizing the suspect is pretty dumb, DiNozzo."

"Well, that's my method... it's not pretty, but it works," Tony said, massaging his sore jaw.

Gibbs smirked and headed for the door, tugging Fiddle along with him like a dog on a leash.

---

"He confessed everything," Kate said. "Hardly even worth going all the way to interrogation. McClain took him for a midnight stroll on the beach, started talking about feelings and their relationship."

"But, since Fiddle was only in it for the warm body, he took offense at McClain's accusation," Tony picked up. "They got into a little bit of a tussle and Fiddle just happened to find his knife in his hand."

"Family heirloom," McGee said. "His grandfather gave it to him. This morning, he was trying to get McClain's blood out of his grandfather's initials. Benjamin Franklin Fiddle, if you can believe it."

"BFF," Kate said. "Best Friends Forever."

Tony chuckled. "Aw, Kate. I'll bet you had lots of those little heart-lockets. Which side did you keep? The Be- Fri- For- side or the -st -ends -ever side?"

Kate rolled her eyes and headed back to her desk.

Gibbs stood, tossing something to her as he passed. She fumbled with the package, frowning at the contents. "What is this?"

"Travel alarm," Gibbs said, not bothering to slow down. "Don't be late tomorrow, no matter where you're sleeping."

Kate looked at the present and glared at Tony. Tony held his hands up innocently. "Hey, don't look at me! I didn't say a word."

She looked at McGee who shook his head. "I have no idea what any of you are talking about."

Tony snickered and picked up his jacket, pulling it on. "Well, Kate, I hate to mock and run... but those of us who were here at five-thirty get to go home early. I'll see you two tomorrow."

"Night, Mini-Gibbs," McGee said from his desk.

Tony froze, rolled his shoulders and shook his head before striding to the elevators. He could hear Kate and McGee laughing behind him, but they didn't have to know his secret.

In Tony's mind, there were many, many worse things than being compared to Gibbs. He smiled as the elevator doors closed.

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