LOTS - CARA/KAHLAN

Control

child_of_hestia

Title: Control

Rating: R

Characters: Kahlan / Cara

Word Count: 2144

Author’s Notes: This is my first Legend of the Seeker fic so be gentle.^^

Disclaimer: I unfortunately don’t own any of these characters. No copyright infringement intended.

Control

child_of_hestia

Cara shot straight up, frantically trying to push away the last tendrils of sleep and nightmare that still clung to her. She fought to keep her breathing even, her heart from pounding out of her chest, she fought for the control that had been eluding her these last few weeks. It had been so long since she’d dreaded sleep. Once she’d had constant dreams of rats biting her toes and fingers. She had overcome it, she had controlled it.

She wished she knew how to get the image of her father’s face to leave her in peace. Every time she closed her eyes she saw his face, she heard the words that he had been unable to say. Words she should have been able to read in his face. He loved her.

Why couldn’t she have been able to see it? Discern the truth? How could she have allowed herself to be manipulated so easily? He had been her father. He had tucked her in at night, taken her fishing, brought her fresh flowers to adorn her hair, danced with her while the fireflies twinkled outside. She had snuffed all of that out so easily. Never had even given it a second thought.

Until recently. Everything was changing. She was changing, and she hated it.

Cara brushed her hair away from her face and was again reminded of the loss of her braid. She still felt naked with out it. It was strange but since its loss she’d begun to feel… lighter. Still, it was just another reminder of all of the things that she’d lost. She felt like she was losing so much of herself and who she used to be. She missed being in control, knowing what to do, not torn in so many different directions.

She just needed to push the thoughts away.

“Are you all right?“

Cara’s head snapped up as she turned toward the voice. Kahlan was sitting there looking at her. Of course she was, it was her turn to be on watch. Cara felt her mouth twitch up in a smirk. Kahlan was so perfect, bathed in moonlight, her white dress glimmering in the light. She was everything that Cara was not. What she had never wanted to be.

“I’m fine,“ Cara said, her voice was cold and controlled, even as she lied. She laid back down with her back to Kahlan. It was still many hours until dawn and Cara anticipated another sleepless night. It had been several days since she’d been able to sleep through the night. The same several days since finding out that her father had not died a justifiable death, but had instead been murdered.

Murder. She had never used that word in correlation with herself. It was elimination, it was taking care of a problem, it was an ends to a means, an order… it was never murder. Until now. She laid there for many minutes blocking out thought, clearing her head, thinking about nothing but the warmth of the fire on her back and the midnight noises of the forest. There was also something else she could hear, the breathing of one Mother Confessor.

It was still a good two hours until it would be Richard’s turn to take up the watch and Cara was not looking forward to the wait. At least Richard would provide conversation. Something other than the sound of light breathing.

Minutes ticked by and Cara decided that she might as well make herself useful. She could polish her leather, clean her Agiels, and whatever else she could think of to do to make the minutes pass by. When she sat up and turned towards her belongings she found that Kahlan was still watching her. Cara ignored her and pulled out a piece of her leather, a worn rag, and the polish she used to keep it in good condition and then she got to work.

Kahlan was sitting on the other side of the low fire and as the minutes passed Cara was increasingly aware of the attention the other woman was giving her.

“What?“ Cara finally asked, gazing up at Kahlan.

“Nothing,“ Kahlan said as she gazed off into the distance.

Cara could hear the unspoken words in the Confessor’s mind. She was probably thinking that Cara was getting what she deserved, sleepless nights, haunted by her memories. It was probably justice in her mind. If Kahlan had her way Cara would probably never get a good night’s sleep. She thought back to the moment when Kahlan was about to confess her. The way that she had looked into her eyes, as much as she had hated to admit it, it had been the most intimate experience of her life. Someone had looked inside of her soul for the first time.

Cara hated to admit that she was ashamed of what Kahlan might have seen. Weakness, vulnerability, those things were not things that she wanted to posses, let alone let others see. Suddenly the clearing where they all slept felt like it was too small. She didn’t want to sit there for the rest of the night being condemned. She wasn’t sure who would be harsher, Kahlan or herself.

Cara stuffed her belongings back in her pack and then, leaving it on the ground, she stood up and started walking.

“Where are you going?“ Kahlan called after her.

“I’m taking a walk,“ Cara grumbled. She didn’t need someone to look after her. Had never needed anyone to look after her. But that really wasn’t true. In truth there had always been someone there, someone who understood her. Her father, the Mord’Sith, and now there was no one. She was alone. She had betrayed the former and the latter had betrayed her. It was fitting she supposed. There was always Richard, poor, misguided Richard who always wanted to see the best in her, even if there wasn’t necessarily any best to be found.

Utterly alone.

Except now she wasn’t.

“You can’t go rushing through the forest in the middle of the night with the Midlands under siege from the Keeper and banelings and screelings or who knows what else lurking out there. We have to go back to camp,“ Kahlan reasoned as she followed closely behind her.

Cara spun around, facing the Mother Confessor.

“I don’t have to do anything,“ Cara said softly, squaring off against her.

“Fine. Go off into the darkness, but don’t expect any of us to come looking for you if you can’t find your way back to camp.“

“Do you think that I expect anything from you?“ Cara asked, her voice not betraying any sign of emotion. She was so tired of thinking, of feeling, of expectations and duties. She just wanted to be left alone, she wanted to be lost. Before Kahlan could even form an answer Cara was upon her, hand in Kahlan’s mass of dark hair, lips crashing against hers. Cara expected a struggle and she wasn’t disappointed. At first Kahlan stayed perfectly still in shock and then Cara felt Kahlan’s hands pushing against her chest.

Cara kissed her harder, fighting for control. Part of her was waiting to be confessed, waiting for her inner self to fade into pain and oblivion, but it didn’t come. She let go of Kahlan, watched her eyes filled with fury and confusion. Cara felt some small sense of satisfaction that she had unnerved her.

“What was that?“ Kahlan asked, her hand going to her lips as if to wipe the kiss from them.

“Does it matter?“ Cara asked. She wanted nothing more than to kiss Kahlan again. It was wrong, forbidden, against what she had been taught, felt, wanted, needed, but it gave her the opportunity to think of nothing but flesh, of pleasure, the heights of desire. It was something that she could control, something that she knew.

“Yes it matters. You can’t just… just… do what you just did.“

“Can’t I? If you wanted me to stop you could have confessed me,“ Cara said moving closer to Kahlan so that their faces were just inches apart. “If I didn’t know better I would think that you liked it. That you wanted it,“ Cara whispered. This was what she missed, the thrill of the chase, the seduction. She enjoyed a good challenge.

“Just because I didn’t condemn you to death doesn’t mean I wanted anything. I have feelings for someone else and that someone is most certainly not you.“

“The only feelings that this has to be about are these ones,“ Cara purred as she planted a kiss on Kahlan’s shoulder.

“And this one.“ Another kiss followed as her lips made their way up to Kahlan’s neck. Cara’s hand moved to Kahlan’s hip and then slowly moved higher, gliding over the white fabric of her dress.

“I can’t do this,“ Kahlan protested, a hand moving to Cara’s, stopping its progress.

“Why not?“ Cara whispered into her ear. “Don’t you want to forget just for a little while that Richard exists yet you can not have him the way your body desires? That you may be the last Confessor? I can make you forget, that’s a promise.“ Cara’s lips found Kahlan’s once again and this time there was no resistance.

They could forget together.

Mord’Sith were trained just as extensively in the ways of pleasure as they were in pain and Cara was determined just to show her how much. Cara pushed Kahlan against a tree as her hands roamed her body. Their bodies were touching and Cara reveled in the feeling of someone warm and soft pressed against her. She planned to take her time, distract herself from her thoughts for as long as possible. Her lips melded with Kahlan’s, first in soft, slow, smoldering, kisses. Cara savored the sweetness of the Confessor’s mouth, the way their breath mingled, the feeling of her lips, her tongue. Cara’s hands moved to Kahlan’s shoulders and then slid down her arms, pushing her dress down with them.

Cara’s lips left Kahlan’s as they began traveling down her neck, to the swell of breasts hidden by her bodice. Cara planted soft kisses on the revealed skin as her hands moved up to touch and caress. She was surprised to feel Kahlan’s fingers bury themselves in her hair, urging her on. Her hands pushed the dress down even farther until it was gathered at Kahlan’s waist. Righting herself Cara looked at Kahlan as her fingers nimbly began undoing the other woman’s bodice.

Cara decided that it was time that they get more comfortable, so she pulled Kahlan down to the forest floor. With the bodice off Cara’s hands found their way back to the pale, perfect, breasts. Her lips soon following. Her tongue flicked out, barely brushing one of her nipples that had hardened in the cool night air, extracting a gasp from Kahlan.

“Do you want me to continue?“ Cara asked, making sure that her breath teased and taunted the sensitive skin. She felt Kahlan nod her head, but that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to hear it. She wanted Kahlan to speak the words.

“I didn’t hear you,“ Cara said, as one hand inched its way under Kahlan’s dress and slowly up the soft skin of her leg.

“Don’t stop,“ Kahlan gasped as she laid down, surrendering herself to the Mord’Sith.

“That is what I wanted to hear,“ Cara replied as she laid down on the ground, on her side, next to the Confessor. Her lips found one of Kahlan’s nipples while her fingers teased the other one. After a few moments Cara’s hand traveled down the smooth, soft surface of her stomach. Her hand dipped under the material of her dress, closer and closer to Kahlan’s arousal.

“Touch me,“ Kahlan whispered, nearly begged. This was what Cara needed, wanted, desired. She wanted to be in control, it set her whole body aflame with arousal, she didn’t even need to be touched, she just needed to be in control. With a smirk she moved her hand away, much to Kahlan’s dismay. Her hands gathered on either side of Kahlan’s hips and Cara pushed her dress down, over hips, waist, legs, until Kahlan was completely nude in front of her. Cara then moved so that she was nearly laying with her body fully on top of her.

Cara’s hand snaked down between them and finally gave Kahlan what she wanted. She caressed with experienced fingers, Kahlan’s heavy breathing and stifled moans urging her on. She looked down at Kahlan. Her eyes were closed, her arms were stretched out above her and her hair was fanned out around her face. Her lips were parted as she moved against Cara’s fingers. It sent waves of pleasure and euphoria through Cara’s body as everything faded around them and nothing mattered but pleasure.

Pleasure and control.

~ ~ ~