LOTS - CARA/KAHLAN

Consumed

individual_68

Title: Consumed

Author: individual_68

Pairing: Cara/Kahlan, hints of Kahlan/Richard

Rating: Pg–13.

Warnings: Spoilers…sort of but not really. Oh and girl–girl love, and angstyness, as well as mushy feelings..

Disclaimer: not mine. No money made, simply written for my entertainment

A/N: This is set in the middle of S2, kind of. Is unbeta’d, and written to avoid revision, so I hope it reads ok. Comments are love people, and will inspire me to continue the story, maybe…. :P

Consumed

individual_68

You are a striking contradiction. An endless dichotomy. Inconsistency personified.

One look halts my breath. Pulls the air from my lungs. Stops these words. So close to my tongue.

Replace them with your lips.

Still my heart. It beats hard enough to break. Into a million pieces. Through my chest.

Once so strong. Now reduced to this. By you. By your words. By your look. One glance and I unravel. One look, a million unspoken words. Unknown feelings. Unheeded and uncalled for. My walls are brought to rubble. I am brought to my knees.

Still my tongue so I cannot speak these things. Cannot reveal myself. So afraid of words. That I might choke on them. On this.

Your eyes reveal you soul. The brightest blue. Shames the sky above, and the waters in the deepest lakes. Piercing. Open. Honest. Captivating. And in an instant. Deadly. Black. Captivated. They see through my disguise. Cannot read a Mord’Sith. But know you can read me. Know me. Find me.

I died for you. Came back, for you. Would go the ends of the earth for you. Not to be with you, but there for you. Your silent guardian. Forever vigilant. I will protect you. Save you. Though I will not ride a white stead. I leave the cliché for him. Leave you for him.

Fleeting gestures. The brush of your hand upon mine. As transitory as a gentle breeze. I flinch at even the briefest contact. See the sadness reflected in your eyes. Will learn to accept the touch. Gradually. A sign of friendship. Know it is nothing more. But these gestures are breaking through my armour. Destroying walls built long ago. Soon I will be left defenceless. Vulnerable. Yet knowing it can be nothing more.

I am banished to the sidelines. Spectator to a great love that never was. Never will be. Hold on to what is. Hold on to this. This that tears at my insides. Rips me apart when I see you. Kills a little piece of me with each passing day. An ache in my chest. A burden that I will carry. For you. For me.

Near or far I feel your presence. Sense your touch upon my skin. Catch a linger of your scent upon the breeze. You are a ghost. Of what you were. Of what I wish you could be. A dream which does not fade on waking. Becomes more vivid. Almost real. Painful in reality.

Hold on to my Agiels each time I see a smile upon your face. Catch the twinkle in your eye. Know you long for more than this, just below the surface. Below your facade. Restrain myself from offering it. Though you know he can never be enough for you. Will never satisfy you. Fulfil you. Deserve you.

I watch. See the love between you. Am reminded of siblings. No passion. Need. Only comfort. Ease. Expectation. Complacency. He is in love with the girl of his dreams. I see the woman you are. That you will become.

Our friendship developed slowly. In its light these feelings grew. Cultivated from respect to something more. More than they were. More than they should be. More than me. It consumes me now.

I watched them grow in you to. Saw them blossom. Witnessed your struggle with each passing day. Your turmoil never far from your eyes. Confusion evident in your tone.

Weeks spent alone together only forced them to be confronted. Hastened the need for analysis. But only in the dark. They should never see the light of day. That might make them real. Honest. Might make this true.

Now your touch lingers longer upon my shoulder. Hands find each other more often as we walk. Feel your fingers entwined with mine. Do not make eye contact. Would make this more than it is. Would make us realise what this is. What this could be. No words are spoken. Fear of what may fall from our lips is too great. Afraid to examine what this means. To understand this means more than it should. That this could be how we feel.

Darkness falls. The campfire casting its warming glow. We sit in silence. Always opposite one another. Constantly watching each other. Sit for hours that seem like eternity. Hear the evening bird song only distantly. See the flames lap the fire wood, but blindly. Search your eyes as you search mine. Waiting. For a flicker. A hint. A flaw in our perfect exteriors. Waiting for the others walls to fall. As we feel our own crumbling. Closing in.

The others take this silence for exhaustion. In a sense it is. But not from our days travels. From hiding everything I wish to have. Wish to feel. At the nothingness that is. The emptiness of our lies.

The flames consume their fuel. The evening wears onto night. Moon hits the clearing, at the apex of its journey. Illuminates the scene. Feel the poetry of the moment. The complexity of this tableau. The almost palpable tension in this small area.

Eventually alone. The campfire dulls to a glow. Feel the tiredness behind my eyes. My resolve is no weaker. Yet finally I stand. Move silently around the camp to where you sit.

Almost completely dark. The shadows cast by the dying embers emphasise every motion of your eyes. Every emotion which runs across your brow. Though you hide them in haste. Your mask almost as cold as mine.

I drop my mask as I reach you. This sign of weakness pains me. A concession I would make for no one else. But you have seen me at my weakest. This is a moment I entrust you with. Give to you as I give myself. For this instant. To keep with you. To hold close. For all time.

Yet in this moment there is nothing else. No one else. There is no battle of wills. No hiding. There is us. There is this.

Lean into you as you stand. Bodies mould to fit the other. Can feel the heat of your skin. The closeness of our bodies.

Give in. Let the damn break. For an instant. Lips a breath away. Look into your eyes. No fear. No restraint. At this point in time there is nothing but the need to succumb to this. Nothing but what this is. What it could become.

Lips meet. Soft and sweet. Gentle movement. Each mouth in sync with the other. Pour myself into the kiss. Sense you respond in kind. Offer you everything. Present each unspoken word for your judgement. Each unnamed feeling for your scrutiny.

Pull back. Lips still so close they beg to touch again. Implore me to let them feel contact once more.

There is only silence. There is only this moment. There is only this. What is. What could be. What this will always mean.

There is only us.

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