LOTS - CARA/KAHLAN

Once We Loved

individual_68

Title: Once We Loved

Author: individual_68

Pairing: Cara/Kahlan

Rating: PG–13

Warnings: Girl love, mushy feelings and angst…

Disclaimer: Other than the‘plot’ nothing belongs to me. Not for profit. Made for my amusement and that of others.

A/N: Cara’s POV, companion piece to We Loved Once

Once We Loved

individual_68

I see you and my heart stops cold. I see you now and remember then. Remember when your smile was not frozen. Remember times when you did not wear white. Times when you wore nothing at all.

The sight of you stops me in my tracks. Yet my mind cannot be stilled so easily.

I stop and remember. Once, we loved.

Recall the first time I allowed you to hold my hand. Smile reached your eyes. Such a small gesture. But it started something. Something we could not stop. Something I will remember, always.

Felt your hand in mine. Soft. Gentle. Almost unnoticed. Felt the heat exchange between us. And something more. Something I could not name. We did not name for so long.

Long walks with the others. Alone. Always hand in hand from then. Always unnoticed. By them, but not by us. That simple gesture conveyed words unspoken. Words we feared to speak. Feared were true.

Mine. Yours. Always.

We stopped beside a river once. The others up ahead. Sat to eat. Craved nothing but your touch. And the nourishment I found there.

We sat beneath a tree. Light through the leaves cast a glow around you. The simple touch of your hand holds me in that place, even now. Speak no words as none are needed. By the water’s edge. Under that young tree. Something grew.

The soft caress of your lips on mine. Almost unnoticed. The sweet taste of your mouth. The smell of your hair. The sound of your breath, uneven. Never forgotten. Nor far from my mind.

Time stopped. I realise now, we loved then.

The feel of your hand in mine. Your lips upon me. The warmth your presence brought. Our actions went unheeded. Our absences the same. Our constant companionship unmarked.

We were together in those days. Together then. Mord’Sith and Mother Confessor. Once seemed so simple. Became too complicated.

We lay beside each other beneath the stars each night. Close. But never close enough. Hands clasped. Campfires glow warming tired bodies. Whisper words and thoughts. Dream silently of feelings.

Wrapped in each others arms. Safe. Home. A thousand things and one. Everything and nothing in those moments.

I remember a time when that moment would mean nothing to me. When such a simple act was laughable. When your proximity would have been too much.

But your presence changed me. Changes me still now. Through time. Throughout time.

Time goes on. But I understand now, we loved then.

The soft touch of your cheek against mine haunts me as I watch you. Across the crowded room of dignitaries I can feel your presence even now. I stand. Watch. Remember.

Recall a time when this much distance pained us. As it pains me now. When other peoples presence was a hindrance. Not the necessity it became. Without them we would be alone. We would be vulnerable.

The sight of you drew me in then. The sight of you now forces me away. Duty calls. As it always has. As it always will. And yet.

Our eyes meet from time to time. We do not speak. All words seem to have been said before. And yet.

Those words we whispered quietly those nights still burn upon my tongue. No words can replace them now. And yet.

There are so many things I long to tell you. So many thoughts I need to share. But all that falls from my mouth is pleasantries. All that flows from my quill mundane formalities.

I find my days merge into one. The colours around me fade to black and white. Only shades of grey remind me what I have lost. Only the light around the edges.

Colours fade. And I remember, we loved then.

Nights spent in soft beds have made my heart hard. Brittle. A thousand conquests to replace you. Fill the void you left behind. None can measure up.

And still I can remember with unerring clarity how we said goodbye. The tears in your eyes as our paths diverged. The soft, sad smile upon your mouth. Begs me to believe, even now, the words you whispered. That we would be together. We were forever. We were love. I fear it may have lied.

Our paths now are too different. And though they may cross, it is at a distance. A hundred paces or one. It feels like a tear in the veil to me. An impassable chasm. Those steps lead to a place we both fear to tread.

We are too altered.

A hundred D’Harens cannot quicken my pulse. The agony of an Agiel holds no terror. Yet the trepidation of this holds my tongue. As it did all those years ago. As I fear it will for years to come.

We crossed it once. This chasm which divides us. Uttered those soft words across the silence of the night. Whispered our secret to the stars and moon.

In this well lit hall, in this place, silence. A thousand people surround me. Jostle me as I stand still. I cannot move. I cannot speak. And yet I have done both a million times before. In my mind you are in my arms. My thoughts betray me. My heart a traitor.

Memories hold true. And I remember. We love once.

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