LOTS - CARA/KAHLAN

We Loved Once

individual_68

Title: We Loved Once

Author: individual_68

Pairing: Cara/ Kahlan

Rating: PG–13

Warnings: none really, except that there is girl love I spose, but if you don't like that what are you doing here?

Disclaimer: Not mine, never mine. No profit made. Just for my timewasting and your enjoyment.

A/N: This is my contribution to the remember that this pairing is forever. its also the first of two small linked fics. this is my first fic in this fandom, so please comment.

We Loved Once

individual_68

We Loved once. Long ago. And we lived.

Six months of perfection. Our own little world. Our love. Our life. Sweet kisses and sweeter touches. That is what we were allowed. Our allotted time.

Hidden. Secret. Kept our world to ourselves. Fear crept in. Trepedation. Self loathing. Our concealed romance.

I have often thought back to that time. Wondered. Dreamt. What if? What if we had tried a little harder? Been a little braver? Been less dedicated to duty?

We spoke of love once. Long ago. And we breathed.

Words tumbled from our mouths like air. Laughter sprang from our souls like life. We spoke of love and loved. We spoke of love and lived.

We spoke of love and feared. Afraid of what it meant. Tried to pretend. To hide. Move on. Forget.

I remember our first kiss. Sitting beneath a willow tree. I say it reminds me of you. So beautiful and yet somehow so sad. You smile that smile. The one only I have seen. Look at me though long lashes. Such sadness in your eyes. Such beauty.

I lean in, slowly, tentatively. Hand caresses your cheek. Heart flutters. Lips touch. Softly, soft. Sweet like sunshine. Soft and short and sweet. Pull back. Eyes blaze now. Hope beneath the sorrow.

We spoke of forever once. Long ago. And we believed.

Summer days spent travelling hand in hand. Notice the twinkle in your blue eyes. The shine of your blonde hair as it caught the sun. Stolen moments spent beneath trees. Sweet looks. Soft touches. Whispered hopes. Dreams. Fears. Plead never leave me. Never let this end.

Winter nights spent holding one another beside the campfire. Being close. Not close enough. Never close enough. Keeping warm. Whispering soft words. Sweet, soft words which mean everything and nothing at the same time.

Fall asleep beside the fire. Dream of forever. Dream of tomorrow.

We loved once. Long ago. And we cried.

We did not last the seasons out. Duty calls us once the quest has ended. Leagues separate us now our paths diverge.

Plans made. Promises spoken. Sweet words and soft embraces. Whisper of forever yours. Will never forget. Will look back. Forever. Lies sound flat to our ears.

Move on. Try to get along. To remember and yet forget.

Duty numbs the cold. Fills the emptiness inside. If not fills then helps me to forget, if only for a moment. Bury myself in petitions until I forget the sound of my name on your lips. Those sad soulful eyes. Your shower of blonde hair. Perfect skin and perfect smile. Our perfect lives. Our perfect lies. If only for a moment.

Images of you haunt my dreams. Thoughts plague my mind. Feel the softness of your skin beneath my hands. See the look in your eyes the first time we kissed. The last time we said goodbye.

Exchange letters filled with meaningless words. Small talk about our small lives. And overhead they hang. Those three small words to bring you back to me, or me to you. A dark shadow which follows us. Words form in our minds. Cannot make it to our quills. Taste bitter on our tongue. Long to speak those words aloud.

We were loved once. Long ago. And we lived.

So many summers have passed. We are different and yet the same. We are more ourselves than ever. Further apart than ever. From each other. From what we were meant to have.

Fear has gone now. We grew up. Became who we were meant to be. What we were meant to be.

Glimpse each other from across crowded rooms from time to time. Long to speak with you. Pull you to me. Feel your form against me. Sweep you around the dance floor so close to me. And still duty calls. People expect. We live for them. But we do not live.

Sit in the cold hard chair and glance around the room. See the flash of red less frequently at events. Know you should be here. But I know you are hiding. Something I never thought you capable of. Know you cannot bear to see me. Know because I feel the pain within me. Every sighting hurts worse than an Agiel. So close and yet so far.

I sit before the fire each night. Wine in hand. Wind and rain and snow howl against the window. Seasons pass without you beside me. The decoration changes but the thoughts do not. Dream of you. Dream of what we could have been. Dream of what we had.

Rain falls, watch rivulets run down the window. Mind a million miles away. A million years ago. A tap on the door. I rise from my dream. Find a new one has begun.

You stand there at the door. Eyes sad and soulful. Softened with age. No less beautiful. Your hand reaches up. Caresses my cheek. And I am lost in you again. Realise I always have been. Realise I do not care. I would drown in you.

Lips touch softly. Swiftly. Too brief an encounter for the time elapsed. Eyes beg for more.

Your hand remains on my cheek. Those three small words go unsaid. Some things best left unspoken. In silence we have said them so many times before. In the quiet of our minds. In the multitude of dreams.

We were lost once. Long ago. And we are loved.

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