LOTS - CARA/KAHLAN

We’ll Sleep When We’re (Not) Dead

merrykk

Title: We’ll Sleep When We’re (Not) Dead

Fandom: Legend of the Seeker

Rating: PG–13 (making out)

Length: ~2200

Pairing: Cara/Kahlan

Spoilers: Set after 2x14 “Bound”

Summary: The night watch is for those who can’t sleep, and for those who need resolution.

We’ll Sleep When We’re (Not) Dead

merrykk

A nearly full moon hung jewel–like in the sky, yet Richard had them stop just after dusk. The air smelled of all things summer, and Kahlan and Cara both protested, but Zedd had already leaped eagerly to set flames to wood. Whether Kahlan suspected that Richard was doing it for her sake or not, Cara knew it to be a fact. He was silent on his motive, but transparent as a wet shift.

Night eventually started falling down, blanketing the campsite in sleep–inducing darkness. A soft breeze blew through, and the fire sparked before dying down to burning embers. The day was left behind, and none of them were ready to remember it. The dishes were scraped and wiped, Zedd named the watches for the night, then he curled up immediately to doze off. Richard walked off to finish the maintenance on his gear before doing the same.

As soon as his footsteps had drifted out of hearing, Cara walked past Kahlan. “I’ll take your watch tonight.”

Kahlan’s eyes flitted to Cara’s, surprised.

Cara read the unasked question, shrugged her shoulders slightly. “So that you and Richard can…” The intonation seemed matter–of–fact, but she didn’t have an ending to the sentence.

“Can what?” Kahlan asked with an unreadable face.

Cara’s eyes gave a steady stare, her lips slightly pursed. “Whatever you customarily do after days like these. Do you expect me to understand it enough to explain?”

Kahlan’s lips curved in a hesitant smile. “We don’t do anything, Cara.”

“Well, I’m sure that’ll be very gratifying for you tonight as well as the other times,” Cara said with only her dry tone to doubt Kahlan’s words. “I’m taking your watch.”

Kahlan’s brow narrowed a little as Cara started to stride past her. She reached out and cupped Cara’s elbow to stop her. “I’m fine.”

Cara turned with annoyance clear on her face. “You’re not. Today you almost died in my–” She pressed her lips together and said in a final tone. “You almost died.”

The Mord’Sith stalked off into the night, frame tense, and Kahlan watched her until she stood at the perimeter. Her brow drew tight as she continued looking at Cara. Counter–intuitive it might be, but Kahlan could almost understand Cara’s motives tonight more clearly than Richard’s.

Nightly rituals among the four of them were almost non–existent, what with the weariness of the long days and nothing noteworthy enough to mark with a tradition. Zedd dropped off first, head propped up as he lay on his back, his breathing a good way down the road towards snoring already. Kahlan vanished into the forest as well, and returned alongside Richard with their cleaned gear in hand. They parted silently at the camp, however. Richard yawned once before lying on his blanket and rolling onto his side, head on his arm as he closed his eyes and his body almost instantly relaxing into the limp relief of sleep.

Cara had claimed a smooth log as a seat at the edge of the camp, her hearing on edge for crackling that was not from the fire, her eyes scanning the dark for movement of anything but animals. She leaned forward slightly to rest her arms on her knees, gloves removed and hands mostly clenched, boots solidly planted in the mossy brush in front of her.

Kahlan wasn’t exactly trying, but her steps had the whispery nature of a cat’s as she came up behind Cara, dark hair and dress framing the moon–pale skin of her face and exposed neck. She didn’t announce her presence before sitting by Cara’s side, her pose mirroring the Mord’Sith’s with legs slightly bent forward.

“I trust I have not turned invisible,” Cara said under her breath, turning her eyes briefly on the Confessor now sitting to her left, eyes straying for a moment to watch Kahlan’s fingers push a strand of dark hair behind her ear.

“I’m not here to steal the watch back.” Kahlan said. Her face looked soft like petals in the moonlight that filtered down through the trees’ canopy.

“Resting while sitting upright is not a practical use of your time.” Cara flicked out one of her boots as if to shake loose a tight muscle, keeping her eyes forward.

“Resting at all isn’t an option,” Kahlan breathed out, resting her hands where her skirt dipped between her knees.

Cara’s eyes flickered to Kahlan and lingered a few seconds, finding that meaning in the Confessor’s expression was elusive and shadowy. Her tone had been calm, but too calm. It was a well–worn tactic in Cara’s own arsenal and she didn’t trust it with Kahlan. She clenched her hand around her knee.

“You aren’t going to send me away?” Kahlan’s voice was soft, but knowing.

“No.” A few pregnant seconds passed before Cara turned to her. “Not that you aren’t frustrating.”

A tiny smile crossed Kahlan’s lips as if she was satisfied that both reputations were still in place.

Cara felt an itch at the back of her mind, one that she couldn’t scratch. So instead she broke for something she understood enough to question. “But why are you here?”

Neither of them were expecting Kahlan’s shaky exhale. The half–illusory quality of Cara’s prickling frustration followed Kahlan’s breath, and both melted into the night.

“I can’t just go to sleep,” Kahlan voice floated quietly in the air. She kept her emotion–darkened eyes outward facing where it was safe, where not even nightwisps could understand or analyze. “Cara, I know what you meant earlier.”

Cara’s spine straightened a little, and she forced a sharp breath down her throat and into her lungs.

“I almost died in your arms. I did, I think, for a moment.” Kahlan breathed in deeply. “And unlike all the other times, I knew I couldn’t come back, because you couldn’t save me from this one. If I had time to think that, even while on the verge of death…” The hand resting in the shallow of her lap clenched for a moment, belying the apparent ease of her tumbling–but–smooth words.

Cara’s hand was gripping her knee tightly, not straying to the comforting (steadying) pain of the agiel because Kahlan would know what that meant. Her only thoughts focused on keeping the air coming in and out of her lungs at a steady pace, her jaw set to keep it still.

“It’s not good to feel helpless like that,” Kahlan said, trying to keep herself calm enough to say what was needed. “And Cara, I know that because I’ve been there too.”

“You don’t know,” Cara snapped at her, almost under her breath, jaw shaking just as she knew it would the moment she broke her tight expression. “I don’t know what you feel when you’re helpless to do anything about your responsibility, but it wasn’t the same as today. I was losing you, Kahlan, and nothing I did would have mattered.” Her eyes dropped for a second, her voice with them. “I can’t accept that.”

“Cara…” Kahlan’s hand strayed to Cara’s other knee, like a wind that doesn’t know it’s not a gentle breeze. At Cara’s shiver at the touch, their eyes turned and met, and Cara’s look was a challenge and a beg at the same time. Pride and need warring without sight of an end. “I’m not going to die in your arms,” Kahlan said with an attempt at a comforting smile.

Maybe she didn’t know the strength of that smile for Cara, maybe she did. Cara leaned in regardless, and drank in Kahlan’s small smile with her lips, her hand reaching for Kahlan’s waist as she kissed her. She saw as Kahlan’s eyes fluttered shut for the moment, and Cara’s head was spinning, and the breath rushed through her nostrils as she didn’t dare break the kiss. Then Kahlan’s hand slid up Cara’s leg to her hip, and Cara buried her hand in Kahlan’s hair, twisting, mussing, grasping, anything to make sure Kahlan was still tangible.

Cara burned, her body tingling with the emotions of fear and worry and desire in a mess that shouldn’t tangle her actions like this. She closed her eyes and opened her lips, and Kahlan’s mouth was soft, but her breath shook against Cara. The taste of stale panic wasn’t coming from Cara alone. Fingertips pressing, Cara’s hands cradled Kahlan’s face, and even as she could taste the reassuring life in Kahlan, she brushed her thumbs behind Kahlan’s ears. Her hands could bring solace but only to Kahlan.

The Mother Confessor trembled almost imperceptibly, and Cara could feel the emotion wash over her. It didn’t frighten Cara. Her lips traced Kahlan’s lower lip from corner to corner, hands framing her face as she let the final kiss press for a second longer than the others. Her eyes flickered open, mere inches from Kahlan’s.

But they weren’t afraid of each other, or of fear anymore. In the dark, Kahlan wrapped her arm around Cara, and captured the warrior’s mouth in a searing kiss full of all the scattered feelings that tormented Cara when it wasn’t as simple as this.

Cara forgot the night watch. Her tongue battled with Kahlan’s in a war to show how grateful they were to be alive and to have life to share, and a low groan escaped Cara’s throat, her hands straying to the strands holding Kahlan’s corset, clutching them tightly to keep from ripping them open. Too much passion tonight and they’d die.

Kahlan’s hand stroked Cara’s lower back, and Cara’s hands ran along Kahlan’s corset, thumbs circling the nipples that pushed through the fabric, palms of her hands cupping the soft form of each breast. Her fingers trailed to Kahlan’s neck when the Confessor changed her angle, deepening the kiss as she pressed her body against Cara, making her lean back. Kahlan arched into the touch, pushing harder, and Cara slipped from the log and crashed slowly to earth with Kahlan above her.

Cara lost herself for a moment as Kahlan kissed her cheekbones, her temples, her brow, each breath a quick gasp that made Cara’s belly clench and twist in incomparable desire. Kahlan’s hair like a thundercloud falling around her, Cara let herself be lost, her hands absently stroking down Kahlan’s hips. Kahlan’s breath tickled at Cara’s ear as she sighed, as the urge to love pulled the last strength from her and she couldn’t need it anymore.

Cara pushed up, moving them until she sat with a heaving chest. Kahlan looked at her, at those wild dark eyes so sharply beautiful in the moonlight. Sometimes the Mord’Sith had to wrench understanding from the situation after a long battle, but now, Kahlan didn’t need her powers to see that Cara knew instinctively why they’d stopped. They might break if they pushed too hard. She hesitated a moment before leaning in, brushing her lips against Cara’s. The worry of the morning had been unfounded, but Kahlan was glad for it all the same.

Unspoken, they both shifted back but not away. Cara moved faster, taking her seat again on the log. She could have lost herself completely, but she didn’t feel bitterness for the way they’d let the night stay like this. And as if to add her signature to the gentle decision, Kahlan sat by her side again, wrapping her arms around Cara’s slender shoulders that were strong again.

Cara didn’t protest. She blinked fast, and returned her eyes to the forest, the mission and its dangers back to a vague importance at the back of her mind. But as Kahlan rested against her shoulder, Cara’s head might have tipped just a little so her cheek lay against her dark head. Clearing her throat, she said just above a whisper, “You should rest.”

“I’m fine, Cara,” Kahlan said firmly, and didn’t move an inch.

Cara rolled her eyes for the benefit of the night, and as if sensing it, Kahlan gave her shoulder a squeeze. Their breathing rose and fell, more and more in unison as the minutes passed, as the comfort finally brought about its effects. Kahlan had given something to Cara, and so she could take for herself, and both fears had been offered to the dark and washed away with kisses. Cara wasn’t surprised when Kahlan’s eyes fell shut, when her body went soft, even though it had not been a given that her hand would stay so closely wrapped around Cara’s waist.

The night watch had never provided noteworthy events for the person on watch, and so as the moon crossed the sky overhead, Cara watched nothing in particular and the only sense that meant anything was the feel of Kahlan sleeping at her side. Finally she shifted, scooping the Mother Confessor in her arms. She almost stumbled on the way back to camp, and gritted her teeth to keep from waking Kahlan. Lowering her down to her blanket by the fire, Cara exhaled, brushed Kahlan’s hair out of her face, and then walked over to nudge Richard awake for his turn at the watch.

She didn’t need to watch Kahlan sleep when she came back to her own bed, eyelids slipping shut with weariness. Need was for those who didn’t have assurance. When Kahlan rolled over just before dawn, eyes flitting open for a mere second, Cara’s sleeping face seemed as if it was painted to frame contentment. Kahlan smiled a little, the previous day forgotten, as she fell back into dozing.

~ ~ ~