LOTS - CARA/KAHLAN, BERDINE/RAINA

Futility

seven_3_oh (Amanda)

Title: futility

Part 3 of the contradiction mini series

Author: seven_3_oh (Amanda)

Pairing: Cara/Kahlan, Berdine/Raina, referenced Kahlan/Richard, Kahlan/P. Fyren

Fandom: legend of the seeker

Rating: NC–17

Word Count: 5447

Summary: set after the episode 2.11 ‘Torn’. This is the third in a short series. Please see ‘ILLUSION’ & ‘REALITY’ & ‘FUTILITY’

Disclaimer: “Legend of the Seeker”, its characters, and the situations depicted on the show are the property of ABC Studios, Disney, et all, as well as Terry Goodkind. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

Author’s Note: not beta’d, another short one. Final Part Will be Posted within a week – RL permitting. I tease because i care. Everyone is very chatty in this installment…. Love triangle? Piffle. Let’s have a love hexagon!

Date: 09112010

Futility

seven_3_oh (Amanda)

She pushed away from the small and clingy creature, knowing her eyes were wide, until Cara felt her mask of indifference slip over her face. “This is a lie.” The first two words were punctuated with a step each backwards, the last two as Cara slammed her Agiels into their holsters.

“Cara we can assure you something is certainly not right with Nessa.” Zedd said.

“My name is not Nessa!” The little girl snapped, before crossing her arms.

Zedd moved his hand toward the odd little person, before he pointed to the ground. “Look.” Where a small shadow should be, befitting the child, it was long and lean and clearly that of a taller woman.

Cara knew well enough the soul inhabiting that child’s body; she had not needed the addition of magic. While it made no sense, she felt as though a cold chill settled over her. It felt like the familiar weight of rage. Cara moved closer and her voice was frigid. “Explain.”

She watched closely, seeing the shoulders of the child hitch with frustration, noticing how the corner of her lip curled with indignation. “Magic.” She offered as if that would explain everything. It did, but it was stating the obvious. What Cara wanted to understand was the vague. The look in Cara’s eyes was clear. It was an order. The body Dahlia inhabited seemed to strain with the duty of holding in a once vibrant and powerful Mord–Sith. A Mord–Sith who well understood that to disobey Mistress Cara still was a punishable offence. With an angry burst of air at having lost the battle of wills, she spoke. “A sorceress. Inadvertently her daughter was collected.”

“As if little girls are baubles to be collected.” Zedd snipped under his breath.

“She was taken.” Dahlia, in the body of this child, said harshly, before sighing. “Gathered up along with her mother. The Mord–Sith that took her did not know what she was. What either of them were. Her training began,”

“The child died.” Cara interrupted.

“Of course.” Dahlia confirmed. “The mother, the sorceress in her rage and grief cast a spell.”

“Could you not prevent it?” Richard asked.

“I was not there. This was all told to me after the fact.” She shook her head. “She was smart, that sorceress. She knew that to use her magic on the Mord–Sith before her would have been unsuccessful. They would have deflected it or worse, turned it against her. She cast a net out. I happened to be caught in it. Luck or… irony I suppose.”

Cara heard the beat of the feathered wings beside her, before she noticed the dark shadow of the two crows as they landed on the ground very close to her. Both seemed to regard the young girl, before looking back up at Cara. For a moment she had hoped that they could speak. Just to know if they knew more than what Dahlia was telling her.

“This net, caught you and the child whose body you now possess. Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“No. Not to me.” Richard stressed.

Dahlia sighed.

“Were you taking this girl, this Nessa?” Zedd asked, and Cara noticed that the father’s eyes twitched. She wondered for a moment just how much of this he believed, and how much of it he had just learned. The bitter taste of truth was something she knew, and she could read the signs of it on his drawn face.

“I was standing in front of her, in the forest outside of the village, yes. Taking her? No. I wouldn’t.” Her eyes looked up at Cara. “You know I would not.”

“How would I know such a thing?” Cara asked.

The larger crow hopped a little closer to the girl, eyeing her suspiciously.

“You know me, Cara. You know I”–

The words were familiar, the body they came from was not, and hearing them, hearing the imploring tone dug canyons of discontent through Cara’s mind, down into her heart. Looking at the child was almost too much to accept. Not only because children annoyed her, but her heart kept telling her that it was Dahlia. Dahlia who she had thought she would never see again, Dahlia, the woman who she had grieved for, and let go, was standing before her.

Cara swallowed once more, before speaking.

* * * * *

“I know nothing of the sort.” Cara’s voice was strained.

Kahlan watched how Cara’s eyes moved away swiftly from the child. She was more agitated than normal. More agitated than she had seen her in a very long time.

“Why were you with this girl?” Kahlan asked, taking the girl’s attention from Cara.

“I was asking her questions.”

“About?”

“None of that matters now.” The child said sadly, her eyes trying to appeal to Cara, who was not looking at any of them now.

“It matters a great deal. If you expect us to help you.” Richard said.

“I don’t.” She growled. “I expect you to help her.”

“You were cursed by a sorceress, one powerful enough that her spell is still intact even after her death; I dare say that every single nuance and aspect of that moment matters. At the very least so that I can better understand the nature of the spell if I decide to undo it.” Zedd reminded, his tone bordering on condescension.

“If.” She crossed her arms, huffing.

“How long ago was this?” Kahlan asked.

“Six months? About. Time is somewhat disjointed.” She shrugged.

Kahlan’s eyes went to the father, whose face was pale and stricken. He nodded in agreement, that it had been that long.

“So this is your punishment, for killing a child?” Richard asked.

“For doing what it is in my nature to do. We are Mord–Sith. We are made, we are not born.”

“Perhaps this is fitting.” Zedd offered.

“Oh? You think so? You think I want you to free me to what? Give me some chance at redemption? No. I want you to open your eyes. There is a child in this world, inside the body of a monster who has no idea how to control her power. A child, a girl on the cusp of womanhood who can take the magic from another and bend them to her will. A child who is being punished for what I have done.”

“You want us to find her, reverse the spell to save her?” Kahlan asked, for the first time since putting her hand on the child in the small cell getting an understanding of the passionate and fiery woman whose soul was locked inside. She could have said anything, and in the end Kahlan knew that they would try their best to help the child. But it was interesting, that this Dahlia, this Mord–Sith did not bother to attempt to manipulate them, but rather seemed annoyed in her own honesty. Not for the first time Kahlan wondered how very biased her upbringing had been, lessons upon lessons about the heartless and vile nature of Mord–Sith.

“That sounds far more noble than helping me, doesn’t it?”

“Mm.” Kahlan turned, “Cara, what do you think?”

“Don’t ask me.” She replied and turned around, walking away.

Her eyes watched as Cara left, and as one of those massive crows seemed to follow her as she went. There was a lull for a moment, as if everyone was watching Cara walk away, to disappear into the night.

“She is … unfocused. I think you are the cause of that.” The child’s voice said softly. Taken aback Kahlan looked down to see the child standing closer to her now, her eyes fixed on where Cara left through the thicket.

“Excuse me.” Kahlan asked, but her voice cracked, showing emotion she had thought was locked away.

Eyes twinkled up at her, and an impish smile appeared on the girl’s lips. “Ah. Being right. Feels… fulfilling in some way.”

Not for the first time since fleeing the village did Kahlan question if this was the right decision. Something tickled at the back of her mind, teasing her with the knowledge that if she had just killed this person then things would have been far less complicated.

But with complication came understanding. Or so she reminded herself. “If we help you.” Kahlan began.

“When,”

“When we help you, what then?”

“What then? Why don’t you ask your Lord Rahl what then? I am his to command. The steel blade in his belt.”

“That won’t go over well.” Kahlan mumbled.

The small girl smirked.

“One thing at a time then.” Kahlan turned to Zedd and Richard. “Can someone please explain to me why there are crows just sitting around, listening to us?”

“Well… apparently.”

“Mord–Sith.” The child offered, glaring back at the crow who was watching her closely.

“It seems they have been following us.” Richard said crossing his arms.

“More Mord–Sith.” Kahlan sighed.

“Cara said that Zedd could undo it?”

“Perhaps I can.”

* * * * *

She walked away in the midst of the conversation, but it was too much. The voice was wrong, the body certainly wrong, but the words picked at the back of her brain, like a familiar song long forgotten. Cara had not thought she would see Dahlia again, and certainly not in such a twisted and wrong setting. She moved through the forest easily, the trees thinner here, and noticed the beating of wings behind her.

“Go away.” She grumbled, but the bird flew before her face, stopping her from taking another step. “I have no problems with eating crow. Literally or figuratively.”

The bird landed in front of her, and Cara was quite certain that the Mord–Sith trapped inside was crossing her arms and glaring.

“Berdine, it would be in your best interests to move. I am not in the mood for you or your glower.” She stepped forward and the bird squawked and jumped out of the way, and hopped along next to her. “Yes. I know it is you. Only you could annoy me this much.” Cara rumbled. “All of this? Must be some twisted dream, and if you could put your beady eyes to a better use, find a way to wake me up.”

Crows didn’t talk, nor laugh. But it suddenly sounded like this one was laughing.

* * * * *

“What ever it is you decide to do, we can think and talk about it later. We need to keep moving.” Kahlan said to Richard.

His expression was one of confusion.

“We may have left the village in a hurry, taking with us Dahlia here without the village elder’s approval.”

“You just took her?” Richard asked, eyes widening.

Zedd reminded his grandson, “What would you have Kahlan do? Confess and kill her?”

“Well. No.” Richard agreed, and moved quickly to roll back up his blankets, as Zedd put out the fire.

“What about?” Kahlan asked Zedd as he came to stand beside her. Her eyes moved to the one crow who was still very close to the child, it’s unblinking eyes almost glaring at her.

“Those two? Should be simple enough. An incantation, and tapping into what is left of Richard’s Han.”

“Perhaps we should wait a while.” Kahlan thought aloud.

The crow’s head turned around to face her as it began hopping on the ground and chattering loudly.

“Why?” Zedd asked.

Kahlan sighed. “We will be out numbered.”

“Hardly, Dahlia is trapped in the body of a child.”

“The body that killed three men?” Kahlan reminded.

“Cara is trust worthy.” Richard added standing up and slinging his pack over his shoulders.

“When she isn’t stomping around pouting.” Zedd added with a chuckle, taking up his own pack, and handing Kahlan her’s. She took it, and grabbed Cara’s as well. Her eyes narrowed in on the child, hoping that even in the darkness her expression was understood. Kahlan was watching her, and would not hesitate again. She set her hand on the father, Jerran’s shoulder and they began walking on the trail, following into the darkness after Cara.

“And we do have Kahlan.” Richard said, and Kahlan could hear them.

“Who wouldn’t confess a Mord–Sith without great cause?” Zedd said, and Kahlan grimaced.

“Do you want to just argue?” Richard chuckled.

Zedd replied, “No. Not particularly.”

“Then let’s go.”

Once the decision had been made, Kahlan’s mind would not be swayed They would take the child with them, and they would find a way to return her soul with her body. The Mord–Sith was merely a pawn in this specific game. It was for the child that Kahlan had her focus narrowed in on. To think of a child, lost and alone in a body not known to her for six months? She must be terrified, beside herself.

Because that was all she had focused on, she twitched slightly feeling a hand on her elbow and breath against her cheek before the press of lips and rough beard. “I’m just so glad you are back, unharmed.”

“There never was any real danger.” Kahlan stressed, leaning away from him.

“One can never be too careful. With the way events unfold around us? With the Keeper pulling strings? Every moment you are away from me, I worry.”

“Richard, you should focus more on the quest. I am quite capable.”

“I know, I know.” He smiled lifting his hands in surrender.

* * * * *

Kahlan watched as Jarren, sat looking into his small bowl of food. Traveling through the remained of night had been made easier by a small ball of red tinted light that Zedd had produced, which lit the crushed leaves as they walked, until the sun rose again on another day. In silence they all walked, heading to the northeast, closer and deeper to the Boundary Mountains of D’Hara. Kahlan knew better than to mention this, she trusted Richard who lead them all. Her concern had been at first on listening for the sounds of angry villagers following, when the hours and miles passed she then kept a close watch on Cara’s stiff back. She did everything in her power to not look at the child. On the contrary, Jarren could not seem to stop looking at her. Now, as they sat in silence, taking a midday meal his eyes would dart from his bowl to the small body. His eyes were red, his face sullen, and every so often he would look to the body of his daughter, and be forced to look away with a grimace. She was not there. It was a trick of light and magic. The shell was familiar but to look at her and think he could see his child was foolish. Inside was the seething spirit of a Mord–Sith. One who clearly knew Cara. Knew her in a way that made Kahlan’s heart thunder with a new sensation. Jealousy.

Dahlia staring through the eyes of this child looked up at Cara, and sighed.

Cara made it a point to not look at her. To no speak to her. In fact Cara had made it a point to not speak at all for the entire day. Her face was a cold mask of indifference.

Only the crows seemed interested in the child. One kept landing beside her, to peck rather aggressively at her foot. She had kicked it twice. Both times it returned.

“Why did you kill those men?” Richard asked softly, and Kahlan’s ears perked up. She watched as the small child sighed, and looked down into the nearly empty bowl of food.

“It was just.”

“Just? You killed those men.”

“Is what I was made to do.”

“To protect and serve your Lord Rahl.” Richard stressed.

“Point taken.” Her eyes flashed up at Kahlan, before a sad smile settled on her lips. “A child acting odd is a liability. Perhaps if the child’s father could bring them back into acceptability there would be no need to act rashly. But he could not control me, or stop me from storming daily into the stables, attempting to steal a horse, or when I would leave the village.”

Kahlan understood. “You wanted to find your body.”

“Yes.”

“So you acted oddly, and they what? Saw fit to punish you?” Richard asked.

“They talked of wanting to sell me to the Mord–Sith.” She chuckled, and the tone of it coming from the small body made the hair on Kahlan’s neck rise with discomfort. “Being broken once is enough to destroy our sense of self, who we are. To be broken a second time, in this body which has not been trained to withstand pain? To mold it and use it? Never. I would die before I allowed that to happen.”

“Wouldn’t your Sisters know it was you? Believed and therefore helped you?” Richard asked skeptically.

“Some of the Sisters of the Agiel would have understood, believed. Not Garren.”

A low noise came from Cara. Half snort, half groan of understanding.

“Garren?” Richard asked looking towards Cara.

“Mistress Garren oversees the western temple, closest to us now, and has always been very beholden to Lord Rahl. Your brother.” Cara said evenly. “She would have broken Dahlia for the sake of breaking her, especially if she knew.”

“There was a Mord–Sith.” Kahlan said softly, “Who had been looking for a book, and a wizard.” Her eyes lifted and she saw the intense way Cara was watching her. For a moment Kahlan wanted to say something more, something implicitly revealing, to reach deep into the forced stubbornness Cara had been shrouded in since they left Aydindril, but she knew that this was not the time, nor the place.

“Daisha probably.” The child said.

“Daisha?” Cara inquired.

“She had been four years before us. She was… when I left our temple…was sent away…” The lengths of the pauses were enough to convey a deeper meaning hidden within, because Kahlan watched her green eyes darken, and then her nostrils flair ever so slightly, and then she turned away, her eyes seeming to find the trees in the distance fascinating.

* * * * *

Perhaps she had lived too long in her dreams. Allowing them to color her reality in shades that did not exist in reality. The memory of Cara had become the fantasy. Truth fell around her shoulders, as she watched the way those light green eyes moved up and over the Mother Confessor’s face, looking at her conveying emotions and thoughts. That was a look she had dreamt she would see. And yet. She was seeing it now, here, as they exchanged a glance. No one seemed to notice. But she did. Seeing it her world crumbled. Her reality swallowed all those stupid hopes and dreams and she knew. If Cara was so willing to look at another in that way, then nothing mattered.

For a moment her mind stumbled, forgetting where she was, who she was, and what she had been talking about. The air had been pulled from her lungs and this borrowed skin was cold now. She would not show how deeply it hurt her to see Cara’s sea green eyes looking at the Confessor that way.

* * * * *

Dahlia continued on, her voice laced with the hint of hurt. Kahlan was confident that these slight nuances, the looks, the twitches and the tone were over looked by the others and only her training as a Confessor allowed her to see the entire exchange. “She was an archivist. No longer a trainer. She had been traveling with me, when I was…assaulted by the sorceress. She pledged to find away to return me to my body.”

“Were you.” Cara asked without asking.

“No.” The child pushed the bowl away. “Nothing like.”

Cara cut her words off. “Doesn’t matter. Daisha is dead.”

The skin along Kahlan’s neck prickled.

“What? How?”

“The Mother Confessor.” Cara said softly.

“A noble death then.” Dahlia said with pride.

The painful guilt that churned in Kahlan’s guts disputed that statement, but she refused to comment.

“Any idea where your body may be?” Richard asked.

“None.”

“Garren?” Cara asked.

“Possible.” She shrugged. “My hope is that my body is still there. Somewhere.”

“And if it isn’t?” Kahlan ventured.

Hollow eyes looked at her. “Then I would request that I too be granted a noble death.”

“You shouldn’t say such things.” Cara snapped and then stood roughly. “It is not your right to ask that of her.” The vehemence and command in her voice made all eyes turn to look at her. Kahlan noticed that even the two crows sitting around them both looked away from Cara, as if they too felt the admonishment.

“Cara, I.” Kahlan said, and strong and willful green eyes moved to her, to lock onto her.

“No.” Cara stressed, and then turned. “We need to keep moving.” Was said almost as a growl, before Cara picked up her pack and walked away.

Zedd, Kahlan noticed, rolled his eyes. Richard shrugged, as she expected him to. They were somewhat used to Cara walking away. Sometimes in stubbornness, sometimes like now, when she was uncomfortable, she would distance herself.

“Cara.” Dahlia sighed.

“I take it you know her.” Kahlan said softly, quietly so the other would not hear.

“Yes. Cara and I… have a past.”

“You served together?”

A soft laughter was startling in its purity. “We were children together.”

Around them the men were gathering up packs, and preparing to continue on. They did not pay them any attention.

“Before?”

“Yes. I knew Cara when she would laugh. I knew her when she would cry. I knew her when she was so full of love and empathy it would make grown men weep. She is a thing of beauty and of grace. As a child, and more so as Mord–Sith. Those same men who were moved by her kindness would grovel before her power.” As she spoke, Kahlan for the first time felt like she was sitting next to a grown woman. A grown woman who knew Cara in a way that Kahlan never could, no matter how much she wanted to, or tried.

She spoke through clenched jaws. “That. Is. Interesting.”

“I know her better than anyone else can or could. I was at her side when they took us, and as they broke us.” Dahlia stood, and Kahlan watched her, seeing the look in her borrowed eyes. The look was very clear. “The bond between us is stronger than even death. Mother Confessor.” She bowed and walked quicker to catch up with Zedd and Richard. Kahlan felt a weight in her chest but rose to follow, catching the last thing Zedd said.

“I am not comfortable with the thought of suddenly being outnumbered by angry leather clad women.” Zedd offered.

“Now you know how I feel during the moon cycle.” Richard joked and Kahlan pushed his shoulder.

“Be serious.”

“I am!” He took her hands. “Listen to me, it will be all right. Cara explained. They are Mord–Sith. Even Dahlia just said… I am Lord Rahl. They will obey me.”

“He’s smirking.” Zedd said under his breath.

“I see that.” Kahlan replied.

“Hm.”

* * * * *

The hand on her neck was vice like in its grip, the intent was strikingly clear. She stopped breathing as she watched bright blue eyes swirl and darken with the nothing of blackness, as she felt the power moving through her body from the one holding her tightly.

She was knocked to the ground, just as the power was about to gain a hold inside of her, as her soul was about to become forfeit. Blinking, her own hands moving to her throat she looked up to see Cara standing between her and herself.

The mirrored images, the torn bits. On her knees Kahlan looked up to see Cara snarling at the Mother Confessor in white, at herself.

“You will never destroy her.” Cara seethed, her chest heaving angrily.

“There is no need, you already have.” The Mother Confessor confirmed.

As her words reached Kahlan, so did the pain, and looking down she saw her own dagger’s hilt resting between her breasts, moving with the pulse of her heart that the blade had sliced through. She felt herself choking on blood, as her own laughter, coming from the Mother Confessor filled the Central Council Chamber.

“Kahlan! No!” Cara was kneeling before her, hands on her shoulders, then holding her cheeks. “I didn’t. I swear I didn’t.”

“You killed her Cara. You will kill her. You will kill me.”

Gasping Kahlan sat up, the dream fading away, as her palm pressed against her chest, where she had felt the blade. Felt the pain and the life slipping from her. She turned, sharply, and saw Cara sitting on the other side of the small camp fire, watching her intently.

A dozen words were left unspoken between them, as Kahlan starred at the Mord–Sith earnestly, wishing for just one moment where they could both be granted enough peace to clear the air between them.

Cara nodded softly, as if understanding both Kahlan’s desire and the reality that kept them apart, before looking away.

Earlier in the day, when Richard announced that they were heading in the right direction, as the trees began to change slightly and the afternoon sun seemed to warm the air, Kahlan had been convinced that the night would be warm. She was mistaken, and it seemed to affect them all differently. As usual, Cara had appeared the same, whether scalding hot or frigid cold. Zedd also; it made no difference to him. During dinner Richard had occasionally rubbed his arms, proving that the cold bite in the air was getting through to the Seeker.

Blinking the remnants of the dream away, Kahlan looked to see the small form. While the cold of the night nipped against her skin, it was clear that the one most affected was Dahlia. She was sitting away from the others and the fire, her knees against her chest, her arms wrapped around them. Slowly her body was rocking, as if the movement would provide the small hint of warmth, and her face was hidden behind the veil of her hair.

With a sigh Kahlan rose from her bedroll, lifting her wool blanket with her.

* * * * *

Her eyes burned with the salted sting of unshed tears. Her mind reeled, rolling over the distances she had traveled, the moments she had lived through just to get to this moment; the moment where she would look into those once familiar eyes, the angles of cheeks, the swell of her lips. Through pain and torment, through nightmares in the thick of night, and the abuse of time, the promise and hope of Cara had been her comfort. She had prayed to the Spirits and the Creator, knowing her pleas would be ignored, but still she did. She prayed Cara was well, that she was alive and she was safe. In exhaustion her lips would moan her name, when she was weakened by the day, she would fall into the past, and into the love she felt for her. And it was what brought her the minuscule calm to ease her pain. Praying that Cara was still walking the earth, no matter how far, and that one day she would see her again.

Dahlia realized that she should have been more specific.

Now that she had looked at her features, seeing the burning green of her eyes, but seeing that Cara would not look at her. She was horrified and disgusted by Dahlia, and it was not in her control. She could not say or do anything to change that glare. Not being in this body. And not seeing how Cara looked at the Mother Confessor.

Her heart felt like it was breaking.

If she had a heart that could break.

A blanket was draped around her childish shoulders, and her head sprung up sharply, and light brown eyes, glowing in the firelight with tears, tears held in and tears that had created lines against her cheeks glared at her. She knew it; she could feel it and she was ashamed.

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“You’re cold. Why are you not closer to the fire?” The Mother Confessor asked.

“It’s… better here.” Dahlia said, turning away.

“Alright.” The tall woman kneeled beside her, and without thought her hands went to Dahlia’s shoulders, rubbing the chill away.

“What are you doing, Mother Confessor?”

“Kahlan.” She corrected, but Dahlia merely huffed.

“You shouldn’t bother with me. With any Mord–Sith. We are your enemy.” Dahlia said, but pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

“Once an enemy, now an ally.”

A low laugh. “You believe that?”

“She believes me.” Cara said coldly from behind them. Just the sounds of her voice seem to calm Kahlan, Dahlia could see it in her shoulders, in the way her face changed. Dahlia felt it too, that sigh that was not realized, but inside of her it turned to anger.

“Then she is a fool.”

“Perhaps. But I will do what is necessary.”

“To protect what you think is yours.”

Cara’s fingers moved over the handle of her Agiel, but she did not grip it. “To protect what I know is right.”

“You were always the most idealistic and foolhardy one. The moment you got an idea in your head, it moved to your heart and confused your logic. Your sensibilities. It was annoying as children. Appalling as Mord–Sith, and sickening as your.”

“Enough.” Cara snapped. “Don’t bother with her Kahlan. She is sulky. I am tired. Richard has watch.”

“Cara we need to talk.” Kahlan said.

“Then you know where I will be.” She said and stared for a moment at Dahlia, before lifting her chin and moving to the other side of the camp fire.

“What is it you think she will remember?” Kahlan asked softly, taking her by surprise.

“I… wha.”

“Clearly you keep lashing out, saying things. In the hopes of a reaction. I wonder. What reaction are you looking for?”

Dahlia’s head lowered into her small childish hands.

“No matter what you expect? Being in that body will not gain you any of her sympathy.”

“No. Really?” Dahlia snapped. “You don’t understand. What it is like. To see her again after all this time. When I thought she was gone, or worse, dead and in the clutches of the Keeper.”

“You love her.” Kahlan stood briskly. “I understand exactly what it is like.” She said and walked away.

Dahlia raised her eyes and watched her go, only to look away swiftly as her eyes noticed the Seeker; her Lord Rahl was glaring at her.

* * * * *

“You don’t need to be kind to her. Not on my account.” Cara said softly, from where she rested on her side, her eyes looking up at Kahlan who lay back down beside her.

Over Cara’s shoulder she met Richard’s eyes, and he smiled as he went about wiping down the Sword of Truth.

“To be cruel, to anyone in pain, is not in my nature.”

“Oh. There are some things you need to be told then. About your nature.” Cara said with a smile.

“You mean in Aydindril.” Kahlan said, feeling a warmth growing in her skin as her mind rolled backwards through time. Her fingers moved over the back of Cara’s gloved hand. “There are many parts of me.”

“No. Kahlan. I meant.” Cara stumbled.

“Tell me then, what you meant.”

“You are so much more than what meets the eye.” Cara sighed.

* * * * *

The touch on her hand intensified, as did the glow in Kahlan’s eyes as they looked at one another. Eyes that implored her, lips that could form words that would either captivate or assault her. Cara was never sure which she enjoyed more. She missed the easy banter between them, and she missed the taste of that mouth, regardless of the words it was eliciting.

She felt her tongue moving over her bottom lip, as she allowed for the smallest moment her mind to forget Richard and Dahlia both so close, and to only see Kahlan laying beside her.

“You, Mother Confessor are a contradiction. More so than any give you credit for. The dark secret desires that haunt you, tempered by the soft goodness that is you.” Cara said faithfully.

“Cara you need to know that I.” Kahlan began, her fingers reaching for her cheek.

“Not now.”

Kahlan sighed, and her hand dropped. “If not now when?”

“When he isn’t watching us.” Cara hated saying it even as she knew she should. She could feel eyes watching them, and the intensity of the stares, all of them, were too much to ignore. She couldn’t pretend.

“He’s not.”

“I would be….he is always watching you. Seeing you. Wanting you.”

“Sometimes I hate when you are right.” Kahlan sighed and leaned away, laying on her back. Cara appreciated the way the night sky lit the lines of her face, as she seemed to glow for a moment, radiating all the purity and goodness that was inside of her.

There were so many words Cara wanted to say, but none of them seemed right; not what Kahlan deserved. Instead she rolled onto her back and began counting stars, willing herself to fall into the space between rest and waking. Where with closed eyes she could find the peace in illusions created in her mind. Illusions where only the two of them lay beneath the warm blue hue of the moon, where they could say all the things that needed to be said. For confessions to be taken and given. Sighing into the coldness of the air around her she went into that part of her mind, and slipped into sleep.

* * * * *

Undaunted by Richard’s disbelief at how simple the spell would be, Zedd continued on with his explanation. “And once the remaining sliver of your Han is draw on by my magics, then all you need do is will them to return to human form.”

“Will them?” Richard asked, again.

Cara rolled her eyes. “This is ridiculous. He doesn’t need to understand how it works; only that it does.” She turned to Richard. “The Lord Rahl wants his Mord–Sith to fly, he thinks of them as crows. He wants them to become Mord–Sith he thinks of them as.”

“But I don’t know them. Don’t I need… a point of reference?”

The smaller crow squawked and then literally fell over on its side, feigning death, but it’s large black eye was rolling. Kahlan’s hand went to her mouth, to stifle an explosive laugh.

“Richard.” Cara whined. “Think of red leather. Think of Agiels. It does not matter. Just think ‘Mord–Sith’ and it will happen.”

“That seems awfully simple.”

“Bags, my boy! Magic can be simple.” Zedd was as exasperated as Cara it seemed.

The larger crow nudged the smaller one, back onto her feet, and they both flapped their wings angrily. They had a lot to say, that much was clear, and were as frustrated as Cara. And Zedd.

“Just. You know. Do it.” Kahlan offered as the two birds jumped to take flight.

Zedd’s spindly fingers gripped Richard’s shoulder.

“I still don’t believe I can merely think it and make it happen. There needs to be reasons, the specific thought behind– Damn the Spirits!” Richard snapped, as Cara poked his forearm with her Agiel, and his eyes widened. “Return!” He yelled.

As suddenly as the two crows landed on the ground, they began to change. Kahlan refused to blink as one crow became a statuesque Mord–Sith, taller than her, with a hard set expression, and fiery light blue eyes. She moved, as quickly as she materialized towards the small child and the resounding slap across the child’s cheek echoed through the valley.

“What!” Richard lunged forward,

“Hello Berdine.” Dahlia said, her hand moving to her cheek.

“Stop it. Right now.” Berdine growled at the child.

The other Mord–Sith, slightly less tall with jet back hair grabbed Berdine’s arm. “Was that necessary?”

“It was. I feel better.”

“Are you insane?” Zedd moved forward to intercept any additional attack.

Berdine didn’t even look at him, “Don’t touch me, Wizard. I will make it hurt.” With her height she was looming over the child Dahlia. The Mord–Sith in the child’s body seemed undaunted as she glared back up at her.

“This was not a good idea.” Zedd said in a huff, crossing his arms.

“It was the only idea.” Richard reminded.

Raina sighed. “Took you long enough.”

Cara moved slowly around them, her body coiled, her expression one that would make many a Confessor proud. She exuded not one micro expression of emotion.

“Hello Mistress Cara.” Berdine smiled at her, her shoulders relaxing as she relented, for now it seemed, in her position of anger over Dahlia.

“Mm.” Cara turned. “We don’t have time for these games.”

“I told you she would be mad.” Raina said softly.

“Hush.” Berdine snarked.

“Control her would you?” The child snapped.

Raina growled at her. “Shall we talk about how one does not control certain Mord–Sith?”

* * * * *

“Your eyes are like the Forbidden Sea?” Berdine chuckled, looking out the corner of her eye at the shagging shoulders of the small child.

Dahlia grumbled under her breath.

“She would have smacked you for saying something so… ridiculous.”

“It’s been a long time.” Dahlia said wistfully.

“Clearly.” Berdine laughed, but it snapped short. “Stay away from Cara.”

“Who are you to?” Dahlia, in the small body looked up angrily, but the glare from Berdine’s icy eyes silenced her.

“Her heart has moved on. To someone more suitable. Let it be.”

“Suitable! A Confessor!”

“I have no qualms about killing Dahlia. In a child’s body or not.” Berdine said softly, kindly, chillingly meaning it.

Dahlia turned her eyes away angrily.

A knee bumped into Berdine’s spine. Turning her head, she looked up to see Raina’s calm expression. “Lord Rahl has allowed us some time to refresh, before we begin the journey.”

Berdine nodded, feeling the tension in her shoulders almost slipping away with the thought of a few moments of cleaning up. Day after day trapped in the form of a carrion bird left her feeling as though she was covered in filth. She pulled the glove from her left hand as she stood.

“I am serious Dahlia. That time has passed.”

The child was pouting. And if the Mother Confessor was not approaching Berdine would have knocked the pout from her lips. Instead she turned to Raina. “There was a small stream.”

Out of the corner of her eye she watched Dahlia stood and stomped off towards the other side of the camp, where the wizard was finishing off another plate of rice and sausage porridge.

“I remember.” Raina said.

“Meet me.”

“Of course.” Raina bowed softly to Berdine, and then as she passed the Mother Confessor who stood in her prideful glory. She looked agitated, and by the tension around her lips she was finding all of this more than disconcerting. Berdine tried not to smile, knowing that what she was about to do would add to that pressure.

* * * * *

The Mord–Sith standing in front of her made her skin tingle with the instinctual reaction of danger. She was tall, she was strong, and her light blue eyes were full of the casual knowledge of pain.

“Is there something you need?” Kahlan asked.

“No.”

“Then why?”

“Why am I, a humble Mord–Sith standing before you, the Mother Confessor?”

“Yes.” Kahlan said pulling the three letter word out into something much longer.

“Nervous?”

“No.”

“Inquisitive?”

“Extremely.”

“About?”

Kahlan sighed. “Are you always this annoying?”

“Yes. Though I think that I have become even more so. One loses their grasp on communication when they have been a bird for a year.” She blinked, and Kahlan was quite sure that she had just watched her twitch ever so slightly.

“Since when?”

“Do you recall an evening where you confessed Lord Rahl while he put together the Boxes of Orden?”

Kahlan’s eyes narrowed, and then widened.

“Cara and the then Lord Rahl, among others came to you, transforming from crows. There were four more of us. The second quad. We…” Berdine blinked. “Did not arrive until after Darken Rahl died.”

Now it was Kahlan’s turn to stand and think for a moment. That night felt like a lifetime ago. The first night she had seen Cara, though at the time she merely viewed her as an enemy. To be confined into another body, for that long would certainly take a toll on even the strongest mind. She was certain that if Berdine and Raina were not Mord–Sith they would have died many moons ago.

“How long have you been following us?” Kahlan asked.

“A while.”

“The both of you?”

“Where Raina goes, so go I.”

“And you were shadowing us, because of Richard.”

A tongue’s tip flicked out over the corner of her lip, before her lips pursed. “If that is what you would like to hear. Yes.”

“Cara then.”

“More accurate.”

“Cara is the reason you are standing here. In front of me. Trying to what? Intimidate me some how?”

A soft smile. “How in the world would a Mord–Sith, sworn enemy of the Confessors, and the only creature able to best and battle you, be attempting to intimidate you?”

“Berdine.”

“Yes, Mother Confessor?” She asked, her lip curling into a rather subtle sneer.

Kahlan felt her power, ancient and strong pulsing along with her heartbeat held in by the thick strength of her own resolve. “I could take you. And win.”

“Perhaps. But I would significantly damage you.”

“Why?”

“Maybe…just maybe… if you fight me, you will probably kill me, I could kill you as well. And then, maybe you would get your inner workings more aligned, and Cara, while giving you the Breath of Life, would hear you say those things you keep biting back.”

“You know.” Kahlan whispered.

“Of course I know.”

“Because you were watching us.”

“Because I was watching you.” Her smile grew. “And I know women. Confused women. Betrothed women. Women in love with the girl from the wrong side of the Boundary. And I certainly know how that particular girl can make one feel. How Cara can make your heart beat with a power you’ve never felt before.”

Kahlan clenched her jaws, and felt her cheeks burning with her indignant blush, “Is there any one here who she has not slept with?”

Berdine’s mouth closed for a moment, before with a smirk she replied, “Zedd.”

“Creator’s wrath! You women!” Her arms rose and fell with exasperation.

Berdine’s head moved slightly to the side, her eyes almost burning with their bright blue intent. “Are all Confessor’s united to one another? Connected in some way?”

“What?” Kahlan blinked with confusion. “No.”

“Interesting.”

“Meaning?”

“You act as though Cara can merely read your mind. As if you expect her to know through some sort of magical bond what it is you are thinking.” She took a dangerous step closer. “She cannot. All those thoughts in your head? That wealth of knowledge and understanding you believe you possess? If you do not tell her? She has no idea. She is quietly walking beside you, without a clue if you want to strike her down or indulge her.”

“You… don’t.”

“Perhaps I don’t, Mother Confessor. But I have been watching you all for some time, and while I see how you look at Cara when her back is turned, she does not. And Cara will never know if you don’t actually tell her.”

“This is none of your concern.”

Berdine shrugged. “Dahlia loves her. You love her. Dahlia is willing to prove it. You seem to be content to let her go.”

“No.”

“Prove me wrong.”

Kahlan sighed and turned her head away from the imploring eyes. “It is not that simple.”

“Nothing worth having ever is.”

“There are complications.”

“Yes. And there is life, death, Keepers, and Creators. None of that matters. Not at the root of it all. You feel. You are alive. It is up to you to determine the degree, to decide if you are living, or if you are truly alive.” Berdine sighed, but Kahlan was fascinated with her hands. “And with that, I will let it be. I’ve done all I will. I owed Cara that much. Now, if you will excuse me, Mother Confessor. I would like to feel alive.”

* * * * *

Fingers pulled at her braid, pulling her against the smaller and yet firmly strong body. Naked hands moved over her face, and caused Berdine to close her eyes while her body shuddered.

“That was foolish.” Raina said, before her lips moved over Berdine’s chin.

“Perhaps.”

“Make the Mother Confessor mad. Not a perhaps. A Very. If she had killed you.”

“I know.”

“No! You do not know. Death by Confessor is a permanent death.” Raina insisted again, her fingers moving down her neck to her leather. “I cannot live without you Berdine.”

“You won’t have to.” Berdine sighed, looking down at her very naked lover, as her fingers worked the buckles of her collar. “Cara deserves one advocate.”

“Not if she cannot be her own, she does not.”

* * * * *

Once she found herself standing alone, Kahlan had looked around her as the anger was born. How dare that Mord–Sith dictate to her what she should do. Speaking as if she knew better than Kahlan. It was never so easy. She had Richard to consider, and clearly Cara had experienced something with the two sides of Kahlan that had pushed her away from any level of comfort or attraction that they had once shared. With disquiet indignation she stormed after Berdine, to demand that she explain herself.

All thoughts slipped from her mind as her eyes looked into the small clearing beside the stream.

Her wide shoulders were slightly hunched, as she shed red leather like the skin it was. In the faint afternoon light, ancient scars were visible on her skin, along with deep muscles that moved and danced. Walking softly around her, Kahlan swallowed as she saw why the tall Mord–Sith was slightly hunched. Pressed against her chest was the very naked back of Raina, the smaller Mord–Sith. Her neck was arched back, her mouth against Berdine’s throat, as one arm held her tightly, and the other moved rhythmically between her legs. They were silent, as was the forest around them, but the heavy breathing could be heard, and the faint and familiar sounds of wetness, and with one more footstep Kahlan could see Berdine’s strong hand working furiously between Raina’s thighs.

“Like what you see, Mother Confessor?”

Shocked Kahlan spun around, seeing Dahlia, standing amid the shadows of an oak tree. She pushed off the trunk.

“You. Should not be here.”

“And you should?”

“It isn’t right.” Kahlan said in a hissed whisper, moving between the two women and the child.

“I’ve watched them before. Been with them before. We Sisters”–

“No.” Kahlan was disgusted.

“It’s this body.”

“Yes. Those eyes should not see this.”

“Fooling yourself, with your misplaced piety. The child will never know what these eyes have seen.”

“But I will.”

A low keening moan danced over the wind, sending shivers down Kahlan’s spine. What was erotic and arousing became a sick and twisted game in Dahlia’s hands. She grabbed her shoulders and spun her around, marching them away from the other two women.

The child laughed.

“This is why you will never win.”

“It’s not a game Dahlia. None of this is a game.”

“No?” She chuckled and pulled away, as they reached the trail. “But you have been playing it so very well.”

* * * * *

The wetness between her fingers was like the most soothing of ointments to the deepest lashes she had suffered. The licks of a hot wet tongue against her neck like the mineral baths of the temple.

“Close.” Raina breathed against her wet skin.

“Very.” Berdine confirmed, as her two fingers plunged in and out of her mate, finding the eternal rhythm that pulsed through her veins and heart. She had missed this, more than she could articulate. And from the way Raina’s backside gyrated against her crotch, as her chest heaved with breaths she missed it too. “It’s time.” Berdine cooed, and Raina turned and their lips met in a blistering kiss; tongues rolling together, caressing and imploring, and the muscles surrounding her fingers tightened, stilled, and then exploded in spasms that made Berdine’s knees weak.

“Could you not wait until the sunset?” Cara asked as she approached from the thick of the trees, coming from the opposite side where Berdine had heard the voice of the Mother Confessor.

“A year.” Berdine groused. “Could you wait, if it had been a year since you felt the wonder of a woman as she trembled in your arms.”

“I have.” Cara sighed. “You are stronger than this. The both of you are. A year is long, yes, but still.”

“No. Not still. More.” Raina’s hips thrust needing just that, against Berdine’s hands.

“Later, you two. We need to continue on.”

“Lord Rahl gave us leave.”

“To wash up. This is not.”

“I planned on licking her clean.” Berdine whispered. “You could.”

“I could not.” Cara said, but her hand moved over Berdine’s shoulder, up to her cheek, soft leather caressing her, before fingers dug into her chin. “You may finish later. We need to be moving on.”

“Saving the world from the Keeper. Yes we know.”

“Finding Dahlia’s body.”

“Oh? That matters suddenly?”

“Yes. I can’t stand that infant slowing us down any longer.”

“It is more than that.” Berdine said, and then whimpered as Raina arched back into her harder. Cara’s eyes were clear in their command, and she slipped her fingers from their warm home. Raina, stubbornly, turned in Berdine’s arms, pressing her cheek to her chest. “You need to speak to her.”

“Dahlia?” Cara laughed.

“No.”

“You try my patience. Get dressed.” Cara ordered, and walked back towards the camp.

Berdine signed and tightened her arms around Raina.

“You tried. There is nothing more that is expected of you.”

“I know.”

* * * * *

Cara had managed to walk ten paces, before an exasperated Mother Confessor was standing before her.

“That… that…” Kahlan was clearly upset, and Cara was fairly certain she knew why.

“I am sorry, Kahlan.”

“No.” Kahlan shook her head, and took a step closer. “I can only imagine how hard this is for you. How you feel.”

Her shoulders dipped slightly as she sighed. “Feel? I feel unsettled. Confused. Unbalanced.”

“Cara, I.”

“You don’t know… Dahlia. Or.”

“What she means to you.”

“I don’t know what she means to me. Not now… not.” Cara shook her head. It was all a confusing mixture of memories, or moments, of experiences and feelings.

A hand settled on her shoulder, before moving slowly over her back. She leaned ever so slightly into Kahlan’s touch. “Cara I know.”

“You think you do.”

Slowly Kahlan walked around her sulking form and looked into her eyes. Cara watched her chest rise as she took a deep breath, as if preparing herself. Cara did not know what to expect, and instinctively leaned slightly closer, so she heard clearly the low whispered voice. “Cara, I remember.”

She blinked. Remember? What did she remember?

“When I was… torn? I remember all of it now. I remember Richard, I remember Prince Fyren, and I remember you.”

Cara’s lips parted in shock, her eyes running back and forth across Kahlan’s face. Looking for signs of rage, of disgust. She was confused even more that she did not see it there. Cara remembered with bitter accuracy all the words that passed between her and both Kahlan’s. She remembered clearly watching Kahlan her hands all over Richard. She remembered perfectly the tone of the Mother Confessor’s moans as Cara had forcefully dominated her in the majestic bedroom.

“It is… confusing, like remembering dreams. But I feel that they were real. What I said to you.”

“What I did.” Cara whispered, and Kahlan cupped her cheek.

“You did what you thought was best for me.” Blue eyes deepened in color with unexpected emotion.

“How I did it.”

“Cruel and harsh. But in the moment it made sense. I am not upset. Not angry Well… that is a lie. I am angry. That I did those things to you, said those nasty things. Cara… what she said… what I said? Many of them were said to hurt you, to cause you to lash out at me… but other words… I meant. I … I want you.”

* * * * *

A small noise broke from Cara, seeming to come from her chest and resonated through the trees around them.

Kahlan waited.

Leaves fell irregularly around them, and the silence seemed to stretch and fill. She felt naked and exposed. Standing with her emotions bleeding. But she would be damned for an eternity in the claws of the Keeper before she turned her back on what she wanted. And what she wanted was to try. To step from her even path onto that rocky and dangerous uncertainty that was Cara.

“Kahlan…” She sighed, but did not say more.

“Please. Cara.” her voice cracked, and her body longed to move closer, to feel Cara pressed against her.

“You shouldn’t. Not me. Not this. Your reason has always been right.”

“Reason be damned. Reason that tells me to do what is safe, and expected.”

“That is just it.” Cara swallowed, and when she spoke next her voice was softer, fragile almost. “I am not safe. You would not be safe near me.”

“I am safer with you than I have ever been.”

“That is unwise. You remember what I did to you.”

“I remember how your passion set fire to me. I remember how you eyes pooled with tears because you were hurting yourself more than you could ever hurt me. I wanted it Cara. I want to be burned by your love; I want to be pushed by your rage.”

“Richard is safe, and.”

“Expected. I want the life that is unexpected.” Kahlan admitted, before stepping forward, and sighing as her body pressed against Cara, as her arms went around her back. She felt the tension in her body snap in release as Cara’s arms mimicked hers, as she felt hands pressing into her back, and their bodies molded together. This close she could see the flecks of color, like pebbles at the shore of a green mountain lake that was Cara’s eyes. She could see color, and pain. And she could see the faint light of hope.

Soft leather touched the back of her neck and she moaned Cara’s name; a moan that was swallowed as lips pressed against hers and Kahlan closed her eyes falling into the bliss and emotion that was Cara’s kiss. The softest caress of a tongue along her lip, and Cara leaned away. Kahlan’s brows furrowed.

“What does this mean?” Cara asked her voice fragile.

“Cara…I don’t want to lose.”

Cara tried to take a step back.

“No. I don’t want to lose what I have found in you.” Kahlan clarified, her mind reeling at her word choice. “I want you Cara.”

“And Richard?”

“I will deal with Richard.”

A twig snapped, and Kahlan could sense footsteps approaching.

“Please, Cara.”

“We will finish this.”

“I will hold you to that.” Kahlan smiled softly, and then sighed once more, as red leather fingers moved over her cheek.

* * * * *

“Did you get what you needed?” Richard asked harshly.

“I don’t understand.” Kahlan said, but Cara noticed the way he looked at Kahlan and then her, hard. With focus.

Her eyes rolled to Dahlia, who was smiling softly.

“We need to travel further into D’Hara. They think they know where Dahlia’s body may be.” Kahlan said, sharing the idea Berdine had spoken of as the four of them walked back to the camp site.

“The compass is leading us back to the south and west, into the Midlands.” Richard said evenly.

“Richard I am sure we can.” Kahlan began.

“He’s right. You must continue the quest. We will…find you once we have recovered Dahlia’s body.” Cara said. She knew that she could not allow Kahlan to be separated from Richard. Not now. There was far to much at stake; she could not merely do what she wanted. Kahlan would be safe with Richard. Traveling with Mord–Sith was no place for the Mother Confessor.

“You can’t just.” The hurt in Kahlan’s eyes cut into her heart.

Cara hoped that once Kahlan took a moment to think she would understand. That the very last thing Cara wanted was to be separated, to be away from where she was. At Kahlan’s side she could protect her, she could be close to her warm arms. But, want and passion were no match for reason. Her eyes looked into deepening blue, and with her heart she whispered, please understand Kahlan, while her voice coldly declared. “Zedd can find you.”

“Oh, I am being invited on this little Mord–Sithian quest for redemption?”

“It is not redemption Wizard, it is to save a little girl.” Berdine said stepping closer to him. “You know, an innocent soul. We were taught that was your weakness, or rather, how you Wizards were guided. By a certain ideology? Code?”

“Morality is the general term.”

“Well then. You will assist Mistress Cara and Mistress Dahlia in doing the moral thing, which is returning this child to her body, and her father. In fact her whole life and existence hinges on you.”

“An Agiel to the kidney is somehow less painful.” Zedd chirped.

“Is he insulting the sound of my voice?” Berdine asked Raina.

“Use of your logic.” The brunette confirmed.

“Oh. Well. By all means.”

“Cara can I speak.”

“Come on Kahlan. We have miles to go before we can rest. I am sure Cara will…find a way to return.” The tone in Richard’s voice made her eyebrows rise, and the hair on the back of her neck tingle with foreboding. Cara took his arm, and leaned him away from the others “Lord Rahl. If you have something to say, or would rather I do something else? Command me.” She hissed. Her eyes searched his face. If he even considered lashing out at Kahlan Cara would end him here and now.

“Hardly. Go. And take them…I would rather not look at you for a while.” Richard huffed out.

“Meaning?”

“I mean what I mean, Cara. I am … unsympathetic to your problems. All of you. I don’t like nor want Mord–Sith around me, hovering like mother hens.”

“If you didn’t always give us such cause.”

“Do you”–

“Do not ask questions when you fear the answer, my boy.” Zedd said fatherly, his hand mussing Richard’s hair more forcefully than needed. “These lovely ladies, Jerran, as well, will travel in search of this wayward child, and once her soul and body are reunited, Cara and I will return to you, and the quest.”

“Unless he would rather.” Cara grumbled, crossing her arms.

“Nonsense. Cara. You are a member of this…makeshift family.” Zedd stressed, and Richard shook his head. But at least the light was still sparkling in his eyes. The light of acceptance and optimism.

“And the others?” Cara asked him.

“Will do as I command. I command them to return to D’Hara, to give up their weapons of pain, and misery and go live the life that was stolen from them.

* * * * *

It was somewhat surreal to see Dahlia standing there, flanked on either side by Berdine and Raina. Three women who she had been a young woman with, who she had experienced so much. Who knew what she was capable of, that woman she no longer felt like. Seeing them all stirred dark clouds in the depths of her heart. Made her remember, made her feel.

A hand touched her forearm and she turned.

Kahlan.

Who knew her now. Knew perhaps in these long months more than those three leather clad reminders ever could, was standing close, her hand moving down her leather, to her hand and she held it for a moment. As their eyes met, in the glance there was sadness but also complete understanding. As if Kahlan knew the depths of the shadow in Cara’s soul, as if she could somehow know that she felt pulled and conflicted. She did not want to leave the Confessor. She did not want to go with them, as much as she did. She felt inexplicably torn. And those eyes, looking at her, looking into her, seemed to for the first time show true compassion for the contradiction Cara felt that she was.

She wanted to grab her, grab Kahlan and hold her in this moment. She wanted to hear her voice. Wanted to hear her say that she would understand no matter what it was that Cara had to do.

But neither spoke. No one did. And without moving her eyes away, Kahlan turned, her fingers released Cara’s and she took a step away. Not wanting to see her go, Cara turned back to the Mord–Sith waiting impatiently with the Wizard and fragile father.

Berdine’s arms were crossed, and she had a smile on her lips. Raina was looking down at her gloved hands. Only Dahlia seemed pained. Her eyes glowing over the distance. As if perhaps in some way, she too understood what had just happened between Kahlan and Cara. That perhaps Dahlia had heard the emotions unspoken.

* * * * *

“He said that? To go and live the life stolen from us?” Berdine asked.

“My grandson is a little short sighted and a lot magnanimous at times.”

“Then we don’t have to abide?” Raina asked.

“I would not think it was his intent that you end your life. Which is the literal understanding of his command. He meant for you to strip off your leathers.”

“To have sex then? Because that is something Mord–Sith will gladly do.”

“Berdine.” Cara chastised as she briskly walked past, to catch up with Dahlia who seemed to oddly be leading them on their journey.

“What?” Berdine huffed.

“He meant for you to travel, to explore. To find handsome young men and marry them. Raise families.” Zedd said with a smile. It was unnerving, the way this Wizard was prone to smiling.

“Torture then.” Berdine sighed dramatically. “I would prefer to be tortured in the People’s Palace, thank you, than sweating in filth and … children? Husbands? This is a most sinister Lord Rahl.”

“What?” The Wizard chocked on the word, and Berdine hid her smile. “No, no. It is for your happiness.”

“Happiness? Dear Wizard, the closest we know to happiness? Is what we feel in the pride each day living as Mord–Sith, as the weapons to be wielded by Lord Rahl.”

“This is not a conversation easily won.” Zedd mumbled, before running his hand over his face.

“Never to be won by a Wizard from the Midlands, I don’t care how wise or how old you are. We are proud of who we are, you may not understand, and you do not have to. We do. And that is enough.” Berdine said with honor, and felt that pride within her heart.

…tbc in significance …