LOTS - CARA/KAHLAN

Aftermath

smcthegreat (Sara)

Title: Aftermath

Author: smcthegreat (Sara)

Rating: PG–13

Warning: This fic contains character death and spoilers for the episode “Unbroken” in Season 2.

Summary: A continuation of “Unbroken” which can be found Here. Zedd casts the Spell of Undoing.

Disclaimer: I don’t own, so please don’t sue.

Note: Thanks to angel_in_tears for the beta.

Aftermath

smcthegreat (Sara)

Lightning flashed across the sky. Kahlan glanced up as the sound of Zedd’s chanting grew louder and more frantic. She kept her face impassive as gusts of wind tore through the trees, whipping her hair against her face. Spirits, please let this work. Kahlan watched Cara’s face, unconcerned and vaguely curious, as magic filled the air, surrounding them, engulfing them, choking them with its potency. Kahlan heard a roaring in her ears and a slight dizziness caused her to reach out to Richard to steady herself. She ignored his concerned look and concentrated on Zedd’s gestures and Cara’s implacable features.

Another bolt of lightning zigzagged through the sky and Kahlan felt the weight of the magic around them pulse. It slammed up against her own magic and she shut her eyes and gritted her teeth against the pain. She heard Zedd’s voice grow to a fevered pitch, felt wind against her face and knew the spell was at its zenith. Hold on, hold on, hold on, she mentally chanted, the power of the spell overwhelming her momentarily. Zedd’s voice was thunderous now, and as the volume crescendoed, Kahlan let out an involuntary cry of pain.

The pain stopped as suddenly as it began and Kahlan’s chest heaved, the nausea dissipating as well. She blinked against the sun filtering through the trees and looked around her. Oh no.

“I told you it wouldn’t work.” Cara’s smug voice shattered the now quiet and still air.

* * * * *

They argued into the night, Kahlan’s temper rising until she screamed in frustration at both Richard and Zedd as they bickered back and forth about the best course of action. The silence that followed her outburst was heavy as both men stared at her as if she were some foreign thing. Kahlan turned on her heel and fled into the woods, desperate to regain her equilibrium. The cool night air surrounded her and she dragged in great lungfuls of air, trying to recapture the poise and self–control she’d always maintained.

What’s wrong with me? The inexcusable loss of her restraint needled at Kahlan. She wasn’t prone to fits of temper. Her training demanded she find a place within herself of absolute calm and absolute control. She’d not suffered a lapse since she was a little girl at her mother’s knee. The razor sharp power of the Confessor turned on her as, against her will, she studied herself objectively. The answer to her question surfaced quickly and even as Kahlan struggled against it, she knew the truth. Cara.

Tears stung at Kahlan’s eyes as she allowed herself a moment to simply feel. Pain, grief, despair surged through her and Kahlan dropped to her knees, hands grabbing at the soft earth in a futile effort to release some of her pain. Her Cara was lost. The woman who loved her, laughed with her, fought by her side, was gone. Erased into nothingness and even the most powerful spell Zedd knew couldn’t bring her back. A sob rose in Kahlan’s throat and she closed her eyes as it escaped her lips, hot tears spilling down her cheeks. Long ago, Kahlan accepted the fact that she could never be with the person she truly loved, that her gift was as much a curse. She’d learned firsthand of love’s keen edge when she’d fallen for Richard. As much happiness as being with him gave her, it also sliced away tiny pieces of her heart, knowing she could never fully give in. Now, with Cara, the dull side of the blade hacked away at her as she realized her anguish at having never known of Cara’s feelings and never having the opportunity to tell Cara of her own burgeoning emotions.

I can never tell her. My Cara is gone. The enormity of the realization struck Kahlan and left her unable to move, held immobile by heartache and the terrible knowledge of what must be done. Her breath caught in her throat, raw and searing. No, I cannot do this thing. Creator, please. Please, no. She felt as if she were made of glass, thin and weak. A high, wild laugh erupted from her lips and the part of Kahlan that always remained separate, noted the tinge of hysteria, the tension within that threatened to overwhelm and break her.

The years of being trained, groomed and molded to be a Confessor crashed over her. Kahlan recognized what was coming, felt it rise within her and made the decision not to fight, to let it wash through her. A physical change swept through her body. She exhaled slowly and methodically wiped her face before standing and brushing the dirt from her hands and knees. Her face was smooth and cold, that of the Mother Confessor. Kahlan made her way back to the campsite and ignored the tense, worried looks from Richard and Zedd. She laid down on her bedroll, facing away from them. She no longer feared what the morning would bring; the decision had been made. Kahlan closed her eyes and let sleep claim her swiftly.

* * * * *

“There has to be another way, Zedd. Maybe you can try the spell again.” Richard paced by the campfire, one hand gripping the Sword of Truth’s hilt.

“Richard, we’ve been over this. We tempted fate by attempting the spell in the first place. I can’t even begin to think of the potential consequences should we try again,” Zedd said around a mouthful of dried fruit.

“We can’t just give up because it didn’t work the first time. Cara deserves more than that from us. I’m not ready to say we’ve done all we can for her, yet.” Richard frowned and continued his pacing.

“You don’t really have a choice.”

Richard and Zedd turned to see Kahlan sitting up on her blankets, watching Cara. Kahlan turned her head towards them. “We’re out of time, Richard. We don’t have the luxury of trying another spell or figuring out some other way to try and bring Cara back. We all know what needs to be done.”

Richard crossed over the campfire to kneel beside Kahlan. “Listen, I know you’re upset but trust me, Kahlan, there’s another way. There has to be; we just have to keep looking.”

Kahlan let her eyes drift from Richard’s, cataloging his earnest expression, the stubble on his chin, the way his lips formed the words coming from his mouth. She noted these things and felt nothing. She lifted her gaze back up and met his eyes. “No. Cara is gone and you need to accept that. We have to find the Stone and there’s only one way to get the information we need.”

Kahlan rose and glanced over at Cara again. “You should say your goodbyes, because we won’t have much time afterwards.”

“What?! Kahlan, no.” Richard stood, disbelief and anger plainly etched on his features. “I won’t let you do that.”

Kahlan turned a dispassionate eye on the man she loved. “You don’t really have a choice, Richard. We need –”

“I’m the Seeker and I say we’re not confessing Cara. I’m going to get more wood for the fire and she’d better be the same as I left her when I get back.” Richard turned on his heel and stormed into the forest.

The corner of Kahlan’s mouth twitched as she watched Richard leave. It was so like Richard to let emotion cloud his judgment when hard decisions needed to be made. Kahlan exhaled slowly and moved to sit beside Zedd. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “We have to do this, Zedd. You know it as well as I do.”

“Kahlan,” Zedd choked on a mouthful of food. “Are you sure this is the best course of action? This is one decision you can’t unmake. She’ll die.”

“We don’t have any other choice. We’re out of time and I know you don’t want to let her go but we have to, Zedd.” Kahlan paused, before setting her shoulders resolutely. “Cara is gone. That thing tied to the tree isn’t Cara. It won’t ever be Cara. The sooner everyone sees that, the sooner we can stop Darken Rahl.”

“You know Richard isn’t going to stand idly by and watch this happen.” Zedd nodded towards the woods.

“I know, that’s why I need your help to convince him, First Wizard.” Kahlan met Zedd’s surprised look with a level gaze. “The Seeker cannot do what needs to be done; so as the absolute authority over the Midlands, I am making this decision. If you can’t make him see reason, then keep him out of my way until it’s over.”

Zedd shook his head slowly. “I know this must be hard on you –”

Kahlan interrupted, “It’s what needs to be done. There isn’t any room for feelings now.”

* * * * *

They argued again, precious hours of daylight slipping away as Kahlan and Zedd combined efforts to force Richard to accept the truth. Richard pleaded, ranted, hurled accusations and finally accepted defeat. Some part of Kahlan recognized her own nonchalance as temporary; her emotions clamored underneath the surface and she knew that she couldn’t run from them forever. I can’t think of that now. Kahlan pushed all thoughts away as Richard paused in front of Cara. She watched as he bowed his head, shoulders slumped, his voice pitched too low for Kahlan to make out the words.

She was unmoved by the sneer on Cara’s face or Richard’s flinch at Cara’s response. Looking beaten and broken, he slowly trudged back towards the campsite, pointedly looking away from Kahlan. Zedd shuffled by and silently shook his head at the bound woman, resignation in his wizened face as he turned and met Kahlan’s eyes. Kahlan nodded and stepped forward, her mind empty of everything save the discharging of her duty. All thought, all feeling had been stored away.

“So, is it your turn for annoying platitudes, Confessor?” Cara’s voice dripped with disdain. “Because if it is, I’m just going to go ahead and ask that you kill me now. I really don’t have the desire to hear any more.”

“I’m going to ask you one time,” Kahlan said calmly. “Where has Rahl taken the Stone of Tears?”

Cara rolled her eyes. “This again? I’m not going to tell you, so why bother asking?”

Kahlan remained silent, unperturbed.

Cara narrowed her eyes. “Hm. So you’ve finally managed to bring yourself to do what should’ve been done a day ago. I was wondering if any of you had the stones to do what was necessary.”

“This is your last chance to answer the question.”

“Then stop wasting time and just do it already. Or maybe,” Cara raked her eyes down Kahlan’s body. “You want to play again? I’ll pretend to be your Cara and you can pour your heart out right before I tell you some other horrible truth you didn’t want to know. That was such a fun game.”

“So be it.” Kahlan lifted her hand to Cara’s throat and their eyes met. For the briefest of moments, Kahlan hesitated as she met the unwavering, defiant gaze of the Mord–Sith. She shoved away the memory that threatened to interfere, of another Cara, another time, regret and remorse swimming in Cara’s aquamarine gaze. Kahlan shut her eyes, opened them and released her hold on her magic. Time slowed to a crawl as she felt her magic flow into Cara, felt the air around them thicken and swell as her power met that of the Mord–Sith’s. She saw Cara’s eyes widen before her pupils were overrun by an inky blackness and Kahlan felt a tug on her magic, a sickening feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. Something was wrong. Confession never felt this way, as if her magic were grinding up against another’s.

Kahlan gritted her teeth as pain raced up her arm into the rest of her body. She clenched her hand tighter around Cara’s throat, ignoring the white hot agony searing through her. Something was fighting her, something ugly and evil that left Kahlan’s ears ringing and her mouth tasting faintly of copper and suffering. Kahlan’s eyes flared, her breathing harsh and strained. The spell. Pressure mounted in her chest, her throat, her head as she marshaled her strength and sent her magic forward with one last forceful push. A cry of pain escaped her lips as her grip loosened and Kahlan fell to her knees, feeling drained and lightheaded. She dimly heard Zedd’s voice, muffled and far away as if she were underwater.

Kahlan willed herself to stand, glancing up at the slack form of Cara, head slumped forward. Kahlan reached out, lifted Cara’s chin, brow furrowing at the thin stream of blood running from Cara’s nose. She waited expectantly as Cara’s eyelashes fluttered and then opened to look up at Kahlan. Eyes, Kahlan realized, that were clear, sharp and very familiar.

“K–Kahlan.” Cara coughed, a tinge of crimson appearing on her lips.

It’s another trick. Kahlan’s eyes narrowed, then widened in shock. Somehow, she knew, it was Cara, the real Cara, her Cara. A Cara free from confession. “You…” Kahlan trailed off, unable to speak.

“You have to hurry.” Cara sounded exhausted. “He’s taking the stone to the Pillars of Creation.”

Their eyes locked and held, Kahlan’s unbelieving, Cara’s pleading. “Kahlan, you have to go, there isn’t much time. Tell Richard and Zedd that I’m sorry.”

Cara sagged against the tree and Kahlan, horror creeping into her soul, swiftly cut Cara’s bonds and gently lowered her to the forest floor. She gathered Cara in her arms, the carefully built dam surrounding her volatile emotions cracking and breaking under the knowledge that her Cara was here in her arms, with only moments to live. Kahlan raised a trembling hand to Cara’s face, fingertips smearing the blood running steadily from Cara’s nose and mouth.

“Cara. Cara, please,” Kahlan whispered, hoping against hope it wasn’t too late.

Cara opened her eyes, her breath rattling in her chest. Dull green eyes stared up at Kahlan and her throat worked. The words were soft, sincere, and fervent as Cara smiled weakly at Kahlan. “Y–you’re so…so…”

Cara’s breath caught, her eyes slid closed and Kahlan felt Cara relax into her, still and silent.

Words filtered into Kahlan’s consciousness. Someone was speaking; it sounded like Zedd. She could hear the anguish in Richard’s voice, the slight awe in Zedd’s. “The spell Darken Rahl cast and Kahlan’s magic must have canceled each other out, freeing Cara from the spell and saving her from confession.”

“But, why is she…?” Richard’s voice broke.

“The force of the two magics colliding must have been more than she could physically bear,” Zedd ventured.

“Kahlan?” Richard’s voice was closer now, and Kahlan was jolted out of her stupor by his hand on her shoulder.

“Cara,” Kahlan’s voice stumbled over the familiar name. She’s dead. Cara is dead. Kahlan tried to make herself understand those words, make them mean something to her.

“She’s dead, Kahlan,” Richard said, his hand still on her shoulder.

Of course Cara was dead. Kahlan had confessed her. But she wasn’t supposed to bleed. She wasn’t supposed to love me…I wasn’t supposed to love her.

Kahlan felt a familiar rage rise within her. She hovered on the precipice of her emotions, unmoving. She drew a deep breath and felt the world wait on her to exhale. Two emotions fought for dominion over her. Perfect love for Cara, perfect hate for Darken Rahl who had caused her death; nothing else existed as the force of those emotions battled, then mated within her. Kahlan threw her head back and let out a single scream, for the love she and Cara had lost, for the woman who lay before her, and everything that had been left unsaid between them. She jerked with the force of her magic coursing through her, now intensified a thousand fold. Then, Kahlan exhaled through gritted teeth and with a hand that was now rock steady, reached down and dipped a finger in the blood on Cara’s face.

Kahlan rubbed her fingertips together, before reaching up and trailing two bloodied fingers along her cheek. She shrugged Richard’s hand off her shoulder and tenderly laid Cara’s body on the ground. Her hand traced a path from Cara’s face down to her neck, eyes narrowing at the finger shaped bruises. Kahlan briefly closed her eyes, pain etched on her features, before opening them and swiftly rising to her feet. There was one thing in her mind, a single goal screaming for completion: the death of Darken Rahl by her hand.

“Kahlan, you’re in the Con Dar, you need to calm down.” Richard’s voice was behind her. Close. Too close.

“Richard, no!”

Kahlan heard the sounds of a scuffle behind her and she whirled to see Zedd forcibly subduing Richard. She bared her teeth at them, quickly gathered her things and started walking in the direction of the Pillars of Creation.

“Wait, Kahlan. Where are you going?” Zedd called out.

“I’m going to find Darken Rahl and then I’m going to kill him.” Kahlan’s tone was harsh, grating and held a note of grim finality.

“He’s immune to confession. Kahlan, he’ll kill you!” Richard yelled.

Kahlan halted and turned her head to the side. She swiftly drew one of her daggers and held it up, sunlight glinting against the blade. “He’s not immune to this.”

She sheathed the dagger and continued walking, deaf to anything other than the echo of Cara’s voice, blind to everything but the image of Cara’s face frozen in death. Cara…

Fin.