LOTS - CARA/DAHLIA

Regrets

tarjacara

Title: Regrets

Author: tarjacara

Pairing: Cara/Dahlia

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything

Summary: Dahlia regrets betraying Cara and decides to do something about it

Regrets

tarjacara

As Cara hung from her chains, sore and bleeding, she thought of her friends. She missed Richard and Kahlan, and even Zedd, who tended to get on her nerves. She felt like she had failed them. She felt like she had failed herself.

As much as she had wanted to trust Dahlia, somewhere in the back of her mind, something had told her not to. But she had ignored it. And this is where that had gotten her. She hated to admit it, but she was hurt by Dahlia’s betrayal. She had asked Dahlia to join her in serving Richard, and had honestly hoped she would accept. But she hadn’t. That in itself had hurt, but not as much as being betrayed. Her childhood friend, and the woman she loved, had betrayed her, had handed her over to the sworn enemy of the man she served, and therefore her enemy. She had ignored her instincts in hope that they were wrong. But they had been right. And now she spent her days being slapped, beaten and tortured. But none of the physical pain came near to matching her emotional pain.

While she was being tortured, she thought of her friends, of her devotion to them. She thought of Richard’s smile, of Kahlan’s laugh, of Zedd’s stomach which constantly needed filling. Despite her current situation, these thoughts made her smile to herself, which only made Rahl beat her harder. But she didn’t care. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction he was seeking, the satisfaction of seeing her pain.

When Rahl grew weary of torturing Cara, he allowed the mord’sith to do the same. She refused to let them see any evidence of the pain she was in either. She was strong. She could handle the pain.

When the day was over and she was finally left alone, only then would she let the tears flow. She cried for her friends, for failing them. She cried for Dahlia, for the loss of her. She had desperately hoped that things could be different, that she could once again be with Dahlia, that they could serve together once again. But none of her hopes mattered. She had let her feelings get in the way of her logical thinking, and because of that, she was a failure. She could no longer protect the Seeker, as she had sworn to do.

One night, after a particularly long day full of torture, as Cara hung from the chains she so much despised, sobs shaking her entire body, she heard the door open. She looked up, trying to stop her tears, and saw Dahlia enter the room, closing the door behind her and locking it. Cara glared at her.

“Have you come to torment me too?” she spat angrily.

“No,” Dahlia said simply.

Her voice sounded funny, sad, like she was about to cry as well. This surprised Cara, and the tears threatened to start anew.

“What do you want then?” Cara asked.

Dahlia didn’t answer. She lowered Cara’s chains until her feet could reach the ground, then went to stand in front of her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, a tear running down her cheek.

The pain in Dahlia’s eyes and in her voice tore at Cara’s heart, and she felt the tears returning to her eyes, but this time she could not stop them. Dahlia’s hand came up to Cara’s face, cupping her cheek and wiping a tear away. She gently kissed Cara’s forehead before undoing the shackles around her wrists. Once Cara’s wrists were free, she collapsed to the ground, her legs not able to support her after not being used in nearly a week. Dahlia knelt down next to her and put her arms around her, pulling Cara into her lap.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered again, sobbing into Cara’s hair.

Cara put her arms around Dahlia, clinging to her like a small child, and the two of them remained in each other’s embrace for some time, just crying together.

“Why are you doing this?” Cara asked quietly after some time, looking up at Dahlia.

“Because I was wrong,” Dahlia answered. “I thought that you would come back to us, and things could be as they were when we served together before. But I was wrong. You can’t be broken again, and I see that now. And yet Rahl is trying to break you anyway. It’s just plain purposeless cruelty.”

Cara didn’t say anything. She just looked at the other woman, tears still running down her face, and waited for Dahlia to continue.

“I’m going to get you out of here,” Dahlia said. “I did a bad thing, and I’m going to make it up to you in any way possible. And I’d like to return with you to the Seeker, and serve him with you…if you still want me…” Dahlia added, sounding unsure.

“I do still want you,” Cara answered. She was surprised how easily she was able to forgive Dahlia. She looked up at Dahlia, who slowly leaned down and placed a light kiss on Cara’s lips. Cara pulled away slightly after a moment, looking up at Dahlia again. “I love you,” she said softly.

Dahlia smiled. “You’ve never said that before,” she said. “But I’ve always known.” Cara smiled up at her, and Dahlia leaned down and kissed her once again. “I love you too,” she whispered.

She then helped Cara to stand, supporting her so she wouldn’t collapse again. She had brought Cara’s clothing with her, and helped Cara get into it and lace it all up. Cara’s legs still felt weak, but at least she was able to stand again.

When all her laces were done up, Dahlia returned Cara’s agiels to her. “Thank you,” Cara said, looking up at the slightly taller mord’sith standing in front of her.

“For what?” Dahlia asked. “It’s my fault that any of this happened in the first place.”

“No it’s not,” Cara answered. “You were only hoping to get back what we used to have. You didn’t know how far it would go.”

Dahlia took a step closer and hugged Cara tightly. “I’m sorry,” she said yet again.

“I forgive you,” Cara said.

Dahlia smiled, wiping the blood and tears from Cara’s face with a damp cloth she had brought with her. “We have to go,” she said when she had finished. She took Cara’s hand and led her to the door. She unlocked it and opened it, and the two mord’sith left the room. They started down the corridor, making their way toward one of the more discrete exits.

They were almost to the door when, without warning, Darken Rahl came around a corner and saw them. He seemed to understand immediately what was going on, and he called for the other mord’sith.

Dahlia turned to Cara. “Go,” she said. “I’ll hold them off.”

“No,” Cara said. “I’m not leaving you.”

“You have to,” Dahlia said, more urgently. “This mess is my fault, and I’m going to get you out of it if it’s the last thing I ever do. I could never forgive myself if anything else happened to you because of me. So you have to go. For me.” With that, she leaned in and kissed Cara one last time before pushing her toward the door. “Go!” she yelled after her.

Cara ran as fast as she could. She ran for Dahlia, because Dahlia had told her to, and she didn’t stop. She ran out the door, and across the damp grass, toward freedom. As she ran, she heard Dahlia’s screams piercing the night behind her, and she hated herself.

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