RIZZOLI & ISLES

Rain

Blakeigh Hollis

Author: Blakeigh Hollis

Title: Rain

Pairing: Jane and Maura of course

Summary: Maura is depressed

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters…if i did they would definitely be more Rizziles on tv!

Rain

Blakeigh Hollis

She watched the rain fall. The patterns the droplets created on the window. Slowly she followed them with her eyes. She sighed. She heard the thunder and saw the lighting mark the sky in sharp, jagged lines. She imagined them to be painful, bruising scars. Marking, disfiguring the beauty of the sky, the storm was so intent on destroying. An echo of the storm brewing inside her. Jane. Only Jane could make her feel such turmoil. Only Jane could take her carefully sculpted mind and turn it into a huge pile of discombobulated theories and unbridled hypothesizes. Maura sighed again, leaning her head on the cool glass. She wasn’t sure how long she stood gazing out the window but when she returned to reality, she still had no conclusions as to why. That was the main question wasn’t it? Why. Why did she let Jane be taken? Why couldn’t she do more to help? Why did Jane shoot herself? Why didn’t she get there in time? Why wasn’t she able to protect Jane? Why was she so weak? Why? Why? These questions kept twirling in her head. They were the questions. The ones even someone of her caliber couldn’t answer. What good is it to be one of the most brilliant minds, if she couldn’t even answer the simple questions.

She felt the movement behind her but made no move of her own to react. She stood still, she felt that if she stood long enough she would get tired and sleep. And when she woke up the events of the last few weeks would be just a dream, or so her heart wished. She was too smart for that. She cursed herself. Look where her intelligence has gotten her so far. A minimal excuse for a childhood. Oh she was happy. On the outside. According to Jane, happiness is most important when you are happy from the inside. Whatever that meant. She sighed for the third time in a few minutes. There was still alot of things she didn’t understand.

“Tell me what you’re thinking”

That voice. It belonged to her. Jane. The woman who without doubt had stole Maura’s heart and took off running. Never looking back. Not even long enough to think about what shooting herself would mean to the world. To the people who worked with her. To the people who cared for her. To her family. To Maura. She never even once thought about what it would do to Maura. Sighing seemed to be the only thing Maura could do.

“Maura. You’re scaring me.” There is was again. That voice. Maura still hadn’t moved. How dare Jane say that? She didn’t know the meaning of scared. Scared is seeing your best friend snatched from beside you. Scared is seeing that same best friend, the woman you fell in love with bleeding. In your arms. Uncontrollable. Scared is not being able to do anything about it.

Maura was spun around. Her world tilted as she almost collapsed. Jane’s hands tightened their grip on her arms. The doctor inside of her began to berate her. When was the last time she ate? Was she sleeping well? Was she dehydrated? How much weight had she lost during these past few weeks? What was she hiding? Why couldn’t she talk? The questions continued to assault her mind. She felt the beginnings of a headache.The woman inside her battled furiously. She didn’t want to answer them. She didn’t want to think of them. She didn’t want to think at all. She cursed herself again. Damn her. Why couldn’t she hold it together? This was about Jane. Not her. Jane. Maura’s eyes snapped up and locked onto the dark brown depths of Jane’s.

“Maura dammit, say something!”

She nodded as she pulled herself from Jane’s grasp. She steeped back, hugging herself. Protecting herself. “I’m fine.”

Jane took a step toward her then stopped “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Maura shook her head. Jane shouldn’t have to hear her thoughts. Maura was sure she had thoughts of her own. She didn’t want to be a burden. She was her to take care of Jane. Not the other way around and that is precisely what she would do. Maura exited the room with Jane staring after her. Food. Jane hadn’t eaten yet. She would cook something. Something Jane liked and would eat. Maybe she would even force herself to eat as well. She heard the footsteps behind her and knew Jane was following. By the quickening of the pace, she also knew Jane was mad. Maura sighed again. Eventually she would get exhausted and retire to a night of tossing and turning.

She entered the kitchen a few seconds before Jane and went straight to the refrigerator. She was in the process of opening it when a hand slammed it closed. Maura didn’t even jump. She removed her hand from the handle and slowly turned to face Jane. Normally her heart would’ve skipped a beat at being this close to Jane but this time she felt nothing. Jane was giving her the once over. She could tell Jane didn’t like what she saw. Jane shook her head.

“Maura are you depressed or something?”

Was she? Maura listed the symptoms in her head. Fatigue and decreased energy, feelings of guilt, and/or helplessness, insomnia, early– irritability, restlessness, loss of interest, overeating or appetite loss etc. Maura nodded. She was depressed.

“Ok..umm..let’s go get you some help” Jane began to pull Maura.

“No” It was a whisper. It was also the first word she had spoken all day. “I have to make you food, Jane”

Jane released her. Hopefully after deciding not to fight with Maura about the subject. Maura began to go throughout the cupboards looking for food. She felt Jane’s eyes on her though. Watching her every move. Maura didn’t like to have her work scrutinized and on any other day she would object, but today she just didn’t care.

“Let’s just order pizza” Jane stated.

Maura nodded and looked at Jane. “A small please.” She fully intended on not eating. No appetite. No will. She just wanted to curl up into a ball, on her bed, and ponder her way through those questions.

Jane growled “I haven’t seen you eat in a couple of weeks Maura. You barely nibble on anything! We are getting a large and you are going to eat. End of discussion”

Maura nodded again. “Ok. Call me when the pizza gets here” She turned to leave the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” Jane snapped

Maura didn’t respond. She wanted to lay down. To escape into a world of no hurt. No pain. No Jane. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to just..be. She walked out the kitchen and didn’t look back.

Part 2

Jane debated on whether or not she should follow Maura. She paced back and forth for a few minutes. She heard the shower turn on and decided to barge in on Maura. Maura needed something she wouldn’t expect. Jane acting barbaric was just that something. Maura needed to be snapped out of her funk. She knew Maura was holding back some feelings especially sexual ones. What Maura didn’t know that Jane wanted Maura also. Wanted to marry her. Have kids with her. Wake up in the morning next to her. Jane smiled to herself. Oh yea, she was going to make that happen.

Maura needed to get angry and she knew exactly what to do to get that to happen. She strolled down the hallway, walking with purpose and slapped open the bathroom door. Maura..was naked. In the shower, her back to Jane. Damn she’s hot. Focus Jane! Jane forced herself to open the shower door. She saw Maura shiver at the cold air but that was her only reaction. Maura was staring off into space..again. Jane smirked as she stripped off her clothes. When she was naked, she stepped into the shower and nudged Maura forward.

“Move up some” she commanded. Maura complied, not even noticing the fact that Jane was naked in the shower with her. Jane took the rag Maura had gripped in her hands.

“Turn around. Face the water.” Maura slowly turned. Jane sighed. This might take awhile. She wet the rag and began soaping it. Once it was nice and lathered she began washing Maura. Jane placed her hands on Maura’s back and began slowly tracing circles. Maura jumped.

“What are you doing Jane?” she whispered, clearly confused.

Jane tipped Maura back into her body, pressed her lips against Maura’s ears. “Taking back what’s mines” she whispered, running her tongue over Maura’s ear and bite her earlobe. Maura gasped. Jane stepped back and resumed washing Maura’s back. Maura started to turn but Jane stopped her.

“I’m taking back what’s mines. You have been in this funk and I do not like it. I want the old Maura back and I will do anything to get her.” She slid her around Maura’s torso and cupped her breast. “Anything”

Maura groaned. Jane continued to assault Maura in small ways. While washing her arms, she’d bite Maura’s neck. While washing Maura’s stomach, she’d slip her hands down in between Maura’s legs, teasing. When she was done and sure Maura was clean, she got out of the shower. She wasn’t pushing for next. Not now at least.

“Don’t move” she ordered. Jane left, dried off and got dressed then went back to get Maura. She wrapped Maura in the towel then swept Maura up in her arms. Her side began to hum with pain but she ignored it. For Maura she would ignore it. Maura struggled in Jane’s arms.

“Put me down Jane!” Maura snapped. Jane grinned. Finally she was getting results. She ignored Maura’s protest, carrying the doctor to the living room. She plopped Maura down on the couch and kneeled in front of her. Maura was fuming and looked even more beautiful than Jane remembered.

“Tell me what’s on your mind, Maura” Jane pleaded.

Maura sprang up from the couch. The quick motion loosened the grip Jane had on the couch sending her tumbling to her ass. “What’s on my mind?!” Maura began to pace, tears streaming down her face. “How about the fact that you shot yourself! or how you were bleeding in my arms? or how your face was twisted in pain and I couldn’t make it go away or the fact that you did it with any regard of anyone else’s feelings–”

Jane got her feet. “I was regarding Frankie’s life!”

Maura stopped pacing and whirled to face Jane. “What about me, Jane? What about regard to me?” Maura walked up to Jane, standing face to face. “How do you think I would feel losing you? How would I feel Jane? Did you even care?”

She was speechless. Maura was yelling. Actually yelling. And shrieking. And in pain. She didn’t even know Maura’s voice could reach that level. Jane’s heart broke. “Maura, how long – why didn’t you tell me how you feel?”

Maura laughed “Tell you” She turned, stalking into the kitchen. “How could I tell you? You were hurt.” Maura opened the refrigerator then slammed it shut. “I am a genius Jane. A freaking genius! I can tell you the name of every bone in you body, every muscles. every nerve and yet I could’t stop that bullet from almost killing you. I couldn’t save you! I couldn’t do anything.”

Maura finally looked Jane in the eyes. “Do you know what that..feeling of inadequateness does to someone like me?” Maura sighed “I get it Jane. I get it. I may not be as important to you as you are to me but you could’ve at least thought about me. Before you took that bullet. You could’ve thought what losing you would’ve done to me. How bad it would hurt me?”

“Maura–”

But Maura shook her head. “I can’t do this, Jane” Maura began shaking. “I cant be close to you then loose you again. I just..can’t”

“What? Maura, no. You are not leaving me” Fear gripped Jane’s heart, propelling her forward. She stopped at the island, the only thing separating her from what she wanted. That and Maura herself. “Maura please. I was thinking about you.”

Maura scoffed “The hell you were” Maura gripped the towel tightly around herself. As if it could protect her from the assault that Jane was causing on her emotional stability.

“I was! I thought about you everyday in that hospital bed. I thought about you when I was unconscious. I thought about you when I was bleeding on the ground. I thought about you when I took that shot. Hell, I can’t stop thinking about you. Your hair, your eyes, that beautiful smile I haven’t seen in weeks.” Jane walked around the island and took Maura’s hands in hers. She stared into Maura’s eyes, hoping that the close proximity would get her point across. “I love you, Maura”

Maura gasped “Oh”

“Oh? You never say ‘oh’”

Maura frowned “It was an indication of my surprise”

Jane laughed. Only Maura could say things like that. And sound absolutely sexy. “God I’ve missed you” She gathered Maura in a hug “Please don’t go away again. I mean, I love that beautiful brain of yours but I need you out here”

Maura smiled. The first one in weeks. Maura nodded “Ok, I’m back.”

She pulled back “Just like that?”

Maura grinned. “I love you too Jane.”

She felt like someone had shot her from and arrow. She was soaring. “And i wont shot myself again.”

Maura loosened herself from Jane’s hug. “I have to go get dressed. Will you help me?”

She grinned “As long as you marry me?”

Maura threw herself into Jane’s arms, kissing her all over her face “YES, YES, YES!! Wait, how did you know I was in love with you?”

She smiled again. “Not even my mother would’ve stayed by my bedside that long.”

Maura laughed. Jane felt the world life off her shoulders. And damn, it felt good.

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