RIZZOLI & ISLES

Scarlet Letter

KD_Williamson

Title: Scarlet Letter

Fandom: Rizzoli and Isles

Pairing: Jane Rizzoli/Maura Isles

Spoilers: No…not really

Rating: R to NC–17

Disclaimer: I don’t own them. I’m just playing around with them for a while.

Summary: Tragedy opens Maura’s eyes to her feelings for Jane.

I’m back. This one is a little different than Uprising but I think it will be interesting. I hope you all can get into it. I mean no offense to N. Hawthorne at all the title just fit. More than likely I will be updating once a week. Work is hectic right now. If you like what you read check out my published work, Forever Mine at L–Book ePublisher. Please please show me some love and always leave feedback and let me know what you think. Don’t be shy even if you don’t like it. Constructive criticism accepted.

Scarlet Letter

KD_Williamson

Maura tapped the end button on her cell phone and peered down at the remaining illumination. It gave her bedroom a dim, eerie glow. It was a macabre fit for the situation. Suddenly, inky blackness surrounded her once more, and Maura could almost pretend that the past few minutes had been a nightmare. Moving like a mechanical automaton, she reached for her bedside lamp. The light it provided was almost harsh in the safety of the darkness.

She looked down at her hands as they found purchase in her lap. They shook uncontrollably. Piece by piece, Maura began noticing the signs of her body rebelling. Skin that had been pleasantly warmed by the central heating unit now felt as if it were crawling, trying to detach itself from her body. The staccato beat of her heart burned within the very chest cavity it was positioned. It was then that Maura noticed she was not breathing. She attempted to take a deep breath and whimpered to find it was literally impossible.

The heavy weight of emptiness and the unknown was crushing, and the pain was decidedly physical. A hole was forming where her heart and lungs used to be and it was going to swallow her completely.

The rational side of her brain spoke calmly to her, telling her to recognize the signs of panic and shock. Meanwhile, there was an irrational part that was literally screaming about loss and pain and begging her to react like any human would.

Jane was –––.

It was a thought that Maura wasn’t ready to complete.

For a few seconds, she stood outside her body wondering at the vehemence of her reaction. Others in her life had been injured even lost. The pain had never been so acute.

The screaming became louder. It was a horrid sound even encased in her own mind. It was not to be ignored. Humanity and irrationality had won, and it was enough to galvanize her into action.

Jane was –––.

Maura moved about the room like a tornado, destroying everything she touched. Her normally pristine chest of drawers had imploded, and her closets had regurgitated their contents all over hard wood floors.

The gaping maw in her chest expanded. The contents of her stomach moved around the organ slickly. The world felt tilted and askew.

Jane was –––.

The tears started, and they nearly blinded Maura with their intensity. She didn’t have the wherewithal to wipe them away. With still trembling hands, she pulled on a parka to protect from the bitter cold and to keep herself from flying apart.

Still, it was too late. She was fragmented, splintered. “Oh, God,” she sobbed. “Jane’s been shot.”

* * * * *

Robert Pearson watched the red blip on the heart monitor as it moved up and down. The beeping that followed it was like music to his ears. He then turned minutely to watch the slow rise and fall of Jane Rizzoli’s chest. Relief unlike any he’d ever known flooded him, and he knew the people who huddled on the other side of the hospital bed felt the same. Angela Rizzoli was flanked on both sides by the men in her life, providing her comfort and solace and drawing it from each other. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. They felt gritty and swollen. Understanding radiated from the dark gazes directed at him. For the first time in the six months he and Jane had been dating, Robert felt like he belonged. Family only…it was a term the doctor stressed, and he ended up with prime seating.

He reached out for a hand encased in white tape and lined with IV tubes, holding it gently within his own. Robert almost smiled. Any other time, the gesture would have drawn her ire and seen as weakness. Jane detested weakness.

He peered down at the bedridden form. Still other tubes started at her nose and disappeared to parts unknown to him. They seemed to swallow her. Naturally tanned skin was sallow and pale. Jane looked tiny and helpless whereas she usually stood tall and ready to take on the world with a bold fierceness that often burned him with its brightness. Robert felt contrite and guilty as he realized he liked her much better as a regular woman not the larger than life persona that often presented itself. He washed the thought from his brain and replaced it with she’s alive.

It seemed like forever ago since Jane had returned from surgery, and Robert waited with baited breath to see luminous brown eyes open and smile at him. As if getting his wish, he stood expectantly and watched as eyelids opened slowly. He wanted to be the first thing she saw.

Robert could see that her gaze was unfocused and glassy. “Jane?” He said excitedly.

Dry, split lips parted on a groan. Then, they pursed as words formed. He glanced up to see the rest of the Rizzoli clan leaning forward. Hope shined in their faces.

“Maura.” Jane’s tone was deep, gravely, but the word was unmistakable.

Robert’s forehead crinkled in consternation. He knew the woman was a good friend, and that had been the reasoning behind the Rizzoli’s notifying her as well as her others on the police force, but they were not family. He assumed that was why they caved so easily when he suggested that they wait until Jane was out of surgery to notify others. For a few seconds, Robert was speechless.

“Janie… baby?” Angela Rizzoli filled the silence.

“Ma?” Jane’s head turned slowly as if even a simple action was painful.

“We’re all here. Maura’s on her way.”

“Kay…Frankie?”

Frank Rizzoli Jr. leaned down as his sister addressed him. “Yeah, sis?”

“D–did they get him?”

“Oh yeah, got that bastard good. You left them a big chunk to finish off.” He answered.

“Teach me to go out for beer at eleven o’clock at night, huh?”

The Rizzolis chuckled.

“Teach that guy not to fuck with a Rizzoli.” Frankie added.

Irritation flowed through Robert in waves. He didn’t like the feeling of invisibility. He cleared his throat. Three sets of eyes glanced at him.

“Bob’s here too, sweetie.” Frank Sr. added.

Robert cringed. He hated that derivation of his name, and he was fairly sure the senior Rizzoli was aware of this. He chased the negativity away and smiled when pain filled eyes finally looked his way. “Hey you.”

“Hey.” Jane muttered and attempted a tremulous smile before her eyes closed again.

Clenching his jaw, Robert continued to smile despite the disappointment that barreled through him. She’s alive. He kept telling himself.

* * * * *

Maura was not sure how she made it to Boston Medical unscathed. She didn’t recall stopping at any traffic lights or yielding to any right of ways. Her body worked on auto pilot, and her mind had been blissfully quiet in its attempt to rationalize the entire situation.

Running on adrenaline, Maura scurried out of her car. Miniscule amounts of snow and ice crunched under her feet. She burst through the hospital doors and ignored the hustle and bustle around her as she followed the arrows that pointed toward the ICU. Maura was frantic in her search. People milled about looking for their own destinations. Some of them parted to let her pass while others Maura simply walked through.

No one else mattered.

Maura rounded the corner to her destination. Before she could get to the nurses’ station, he name was whispered loudly. She ignored it.

“Maura!”

The voice sounded familiar but seemed so very far away.

“Dr. Isles.”

A warm hand wrapped around her upper arm. Finally, Maura turned at the intrusion. Korsak stared back at her. He was drawn haggard and accompanied by Frost.

Maura blinked at him.

Her name was said again much louder, and it was followed by a hard shake. Maura’s head snapped back with the force of it.

“Maura, she’s fine. Do you hear me? She’s fine.”

Maura blinked again and shook her head to clear it. She glanced from Korsak to Frost and back again.

“She’s just got out of surgery not too long ago,” Frost added.

“I–I don’t understand. Why—” Maura sank into a hard plastic waiting room chair. Her voice was thick and hoarse. “Why didn’t anyone call me when it happened?”

Two sets of eyes fell to the floor.

“Don’t know, I guess we got the call when you did. We just got here about ten minutes ago,” Frost answered. He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “We finished up pretty late tonight. From what I understand, she got home and went to the corner store. Some whacked out crack head came in right after her trying to rob the place. Jane took him down hard.” Frost paused as he sat down heavily beside Maura. “They wrestled with the gun and he got her in the gut. Somehow, she got back up identified herself as a detective. The kid behind the counter threw her a gun. She got the stupid fuck shit in the back on his way out, but he was so hopped up that he just kept on running. Some beat cops on duty took him out a few blocks down when he waved the gun at them too.”

Korsak took up residence in the chair on the other side of Maura. “That’s about the long and short of it.”

Maura took in every word, turning the reality of it over in her head. Emotion flooded her already overwhelmed body.

Jane was all right.

She wanted to believe the words, but only hard evidence would fill and heal what had been ripped open. “Have either of you been in to see her?”

Frost shook his head, “No, family only.”

“Are the Rizzoli’s––?” Maura started to ask.

“They’re in there along with some guy–––tall, blonde hair.”

“Robert,” Maura muttered.

“Who?” Korsak asked.

“The man she’s been dating.”

Bushy salt and pepper eyebrows rose high on his forehead. “Oh… I see. She knows how to play it close to the chest if she wants to.”

Frost nodded. “That she does.”

“Did you ask Angela or Frank for permission?” Maura was confused.

Korsak scratched at his stubble–laden jaw. “Nah, that Robert guy gave us a report. We didn’t even get to speak with them except for the phone call.”

“We’re family too. It doesn’t make sense I don’t think the Rizzoli’s would do this.” Frustrated and suddenly hot, Maura took off the coat and left it bunched behind her.

Korsak put a hand on her shoulder. “Their daughter’s been shot. I’m sure they’re not thinking straight.”

“I–I need to see her.”

“I know the feeling doc, but it looks like—”

Frustration turned to anger and irritation. Maura shifted away from his touch. There was no comfort he could offer. “No, no you don’t know the feeling. She’s all I have…my family. I need to see her.”

Without another word, Maura stood up and left the waiting room, ignoring the eyes the followed her. Lashing out at them was not the answer, but at the moment, they were just in the way. Maura ambled through the hallway as a myriad of ideas suffused her. Some were feasible and some were not. As she passed a supply closet, feasibility went up a notch.

The door that should have been locked was slightly ajar. Maura scanned the area before ducking in. A few minutes later she emerged clothed in green scrubs and a surgeon’s cap. The clothes she left behind were on no consequence.

Maura disregarded her name being called as she breezed past the waiting area on her way to the nurse’s station. Immersing herself in the role, she scanned the board, listing an array of patients until she saw the name she was looking for.

The doctor in her reared its head. Maura reached for the chart. A two foot section of Jane’s small intestines had been removed. She sighed inwardly, knowing that the probability of complications down the line were slim.

The nurse behind the desk nodded in her direction but continued to talk on the phone.

Not hesitating for a moment, Maura headed for her destination in a brisk walk. Her heart pounded in a strange combination of fear and anticipation as she neared. She pushed the door open.

The feeling of intrusion was overwhelming for Maura as she observed the crush of bodies surrounding Jane. Determined, the feeling passed quickly. Maura marched toward the scene with purpose.

Angela Rizzoli was the first to detect her presence. “Maura!”

Maura was suddenly engulfed in a hug. Within seconds, she was surrounded by Rizzoli’s.

Frank Sr. wrapped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “Janie’s a tough broad. Kinda like in that show…what was it? Cagney and Lacey.” His expression was thoughtful but tired.

Maura laughed but it quickly turned to a sob. Eyes turned to her in shock but understanding. Maura knew it was the most emotion they had ever seen her display. She nodded and wiped at her eyes.

“She woke up asking for you,” Frankie announced.

“She did?” Maura was surprised but relief settled deeply within her. It was a feeling she would dissect later.

Frankie nodded.

Maura was suddenly aware of another set of eyes on her. She glanced upward to see Robert, holding Jane’s hand and peering at her with utter resentment. Taken aback, he blinked and it was gone. At the moment, there were more important things. Maura’s gaze found the most important sight of all.

The world that seemed to teeter before her not too long ago righted itself. Maura moved forward slowly. With each step, a piece of her returned. She reached out, touching Jane’s sheet covered foot. It was teeming with warmth, and to Maura it meant life. It’s real. She’s okay.

She ambled up the opposite side of the bed. Maura watched as Jane’s chest expanded and retracted with each breath. It took a few seconds for Maura to realize that subsequently, she had patterned her own breathing to fit Jane’s. Her eyes raked hungrily over Jane’s face, checking and memorizing every feature as if she had not seen them a million times before. Wisps of dark hair flopped over Jane’s forehead and cheeks. Maura reached out, brushing the tendrils away. Needing the connection, Maura’s fingertips trailed over soft skin.

Jane’s eyelids fluttered and lifted gradually as if they weighed a ton. Maura waited for brown eyes to focus. When they did, Maura’s breath caught and her smile nearly split her face in two. The world around them disappeared.

“Jane.” Maura’s voice broke.

“H–hey.”

“Jane,” Maura repeated reverently.

“Can…you write me script…” Jane swallowed. “… for what they’re giving me? Good drugs.”

The room went silent just before it burst with laughter.

Maura sighed and shook her head. She is very okay. “Jane,” her tone was affectionately exasperated.

Jane’s smirk was shaky but it was still there.

A throat cleared loudly, bringing everyone’s attention to the culprit.

Jane turned, and Maura could read the surprise on her face. “Rob. Didn’t know you were here.” She rasped.

Maura noted curiously that the smile Robert radiated didn’t reach his eyes. “Been here the whole time. Holding your hand. We talked earlier. Remember?”

“Sorry…no.”

He brought Jane’s hand to his lips. “It’s okay. Just know that I’m right here. Your parents called me first. I got here as soon as I could.”

Maura bristled slightly as she wondered exactly what he was insinuating. Discreetly, she observed him. This was only their third meeting in spite of the circumstance. He was a perfect male specimen physically, but since their initial introduction there had been something ––––

Maura glanced at the Rizzoli’s. They looked away from the display of affection, glancing at the floor and each other in an uncomfortable silence.

“Maura, I would have called earlier, but I just wasn’t thinking straight, and Robert said—” Angela Rizzoli blurted.

“It’s okay, Mrs. Rizzoli.” Maura smiled at the pointed look aimed her way. “Sorry, Angela. Korsak said as much.”

A hand flew to Angela’s mouth. “God, I forgot about them. I’m sure they want to see her.”

“Mrs. Rizzoli? I don’t think that would be a good—” Robert added.

“I’ll go get them.” Maura interrupted. What on earth is wrong with this man?

“But I’m sure the hospital frowns on so many visitors in one room.” Robert continued.

“What are they gonna do. Kick us out?” Frankie snorted. “You stay here.” He pointed at Maura. “I’ll go get them.”

Maura’s attention returned to where it needed to be only to find Jane asleep again.

Unidentifiable emotions swirled within her. This alone confounded Maura. Her reverie was interrupted by the hulking presence that seemed to loom. Not to mention the top of her head was on fire. Maura met the gaze burning into her. His expression was one of challenge. She canted her head to the side and peered at him quizzically, curiously.

“Maura.” He said in greeting. His voice was hard like flint.

The tension between them was thick and stew like in its consistency, but it was of his own creation.

Maura continued to stare at him trying to decipher the conundrum. Giving up for the moment, Maura’s lips lifted at the corners offering him a grin. There was no reason she could think of not to be civil. “Robert or do you prefer Bob?”

Maura was puzzled by the muffled laugh behind her. It sounded suspiciously like Frank Sr.

“I prefer Robert or Rob.” He growled.

“Ah, I see.” Maura reached across the bed, offering her hand.

It seemed to hang there for an eternity before he engulfed her hand with his own.

“Nice to see you…again.” Robert mumbled with a forced smile.

Maura could feel her forehead wrinkle. What is wrong here? Maura ended the mockery of a handshake. She stepped away and met the gazes of the Rizzoli’s, knowing that their expressions were just as perplexed as her own.

Part 2

Jane awakened as a familiar hand brushed over her cheek then her forehead. She fought valiantly against the heaviness of her eyelids and won. A figure swam into view. “Rob?”

“Hey, good looking.”

Jane smiled. “Not so much right now I bet.” She took stock of her body and decided she felt a step below road kill.

“Especially right now. You’re definitely getting you color back, and you look stronger.” He leaned closer, touching her forehead with warm lips.

“Where is everybody?” Jane husked.

“Life goes on now that we know you’re okay, but I’m sure they’ll be back to see you.”

“What about you? You have work too.” Jane cleared her throat.

“I thought someone needed to be here when you woke up. I’m going in a little later. One of the guys is covering for me until I get there.”

A comfortable silence lapsed between them.

“You scared me…you know?” Robert’s voice cracked.

Jane could see the worry and sincerity shining in green eyes. “I know, but I can’t let something like that happen right in front of me. You know that.”

“I do. I know I don’t want to lose you either.” Robert’s gaze was fierce and intense.

Something tugged at Jane’s heart. She was his universe. It was a new but intoxicating feeling, and she had become an addict. Jane reached up and trailed her fingertips over his face. She was well aware that her family barely tolerated him since he often came off as overbearing, but that was aspect of him not associated with her individually. He was sweet, thoughtful and very caring with a few archaic ideals Jane figured she could ignore. Otherwise, Robert fit her like a well worn pair of jeans or shoes–––soft, comfortable, and safe. For this, Jane could deal with the rolling eyes of her family. Jane had learned long ago that passion was overrated. It flamed bright but fizzled to almost nothing, leaving her alone and wanting. It was a mistake she was unlikely to repeat with him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Robert brought errant fingertips to his lips. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I need to be honest about something.” Robert muttered.

“Yeah?”

“I liked taking care of even though I wish the circumstances were different. I’m not so into Jane the hero cop as I am the woman.”

To other ears, the statement would have been categorized as offensive but it was just what Jane needed. She had grown tired of men’s expectations of her, and Jane figured this time around the separation was needed. During the day, she was Detective Rizzoli, and at night, she was just Jane. It had been a difficult dichotomy to pull off, but it was as safe as houses. Her gaze lowered to her lap. “I have a confession to make too. What you just said…it’s one of the things I like about you.”

Dark blonde brows rose, “Like?”

“I’m sorry. I haven’t caught up with you yet, but I might…eventually.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll help you along as much as I can.” Robert smiled then sighed. “You know, I was beginning to think your family was warming up to me.”

“Don’t stress about that. It’s been ages since they’ve liked anyone I brought home.” Except Maura. “I’m used to it.”

“They seem to really like Maura.”

“Well, I’m not dating her. Am I? Besides, I’ve known her forever. She’s my best friend.” Jane paused trying to swallow down a surge of guilt. “I’ve been neglecting her a lot lately.”

A blanket of quiet covered them, but it wasn’t of the comfortable kind.

“You’re not jealous of that are you?”

Robert waved her away. “No that would be juvenile and petty. Of course I am.”

Jane wanted to chuckle but had the feeling it would hurt so she settled for a look of indulgence. “I’m not dating her.” Jane reiterated.

“I know, but—” His mouth snapped shut, but Jane knew there was more he wanted to say.

“But what?” She could hear the irritation in her own voice.

“Nothing. You’re right. It’s juvenile and petty.”

“No, you said that. I’m just agreeing with you.”

Robert laughed. “All right. I get the point.”

Jane yawned as tiredness seeped into every pore. “Good. You can go now. I’m sleepy as hell.”

Robert leaned forward for a brief kiss. It was warm, satisfying, but lacking in zing. Jane watched as he exited the room and refused to listen to the little voice screaming at her about the evils of settling.

* * * * *

“While this would seem the obvious cause of death, it’s misleading.” Maura pointed at the gaping hole in the man’s chest where a rather large cleaver used to be. “There was a considerable lack of blood loss here.” Maura pointed at the area. The wound was deep enough to see tissue and bone.

Frost glanced up at her with glassy eyes and a decidedly green expression. “Sink,” Maura muttered as he raced toward the apparatus in question.

A few minutes later Frost returned. “Sorry, normally that wouldn’t be enough to get me going, but it’s been a particularly stressful day. I’m only running on a couple of hours of sleep.”

“Understandable.” Maura peered quickly at her watch. It was lunch time and she had plans. “He was strangled then stabbed. It had to be someone incredibly strong. See the imprint of the hands here?”

They both leaned forward.

“His larynx was crushed.”

“Speaking of which. You think I’d be strong enough to do that to Korsak?”

Maura stared at him for several seconds. “You’re being facetious. I take it you two are not meshing well?”

“Got that right. He sure as hell ain’t all that and a bag of chips.” Frost rubbed a hand over his head.

“Pardon?” Maura asked as she attempted to figure out what chips and Korsak had in common.

Frost chuckled. “Let’s just say I can already tell from the first day that he’s no Jane.”

Maura smiled at the mention of the other woman’s name. “No, there’s only one.”

“Thank Mr. and Mrs. Rizzoli for that.” Frost grinned. “You gonna go see her soon?”

“I hope to spend my lunch hour there. I wanted to stay later this morning but duty called.”

“Whatcha gonna do if Superman is there?”

“Who?”

Frost rolled his eyes. “She needs to get back on her feet fast. We need a translator. I mean, that Robert dude.”

“Wait my turn I suppose.”

“I gotta tell you Doc. I just met the guy, and I already don’t like him. He comes off as captain save a ho.”

“Are you referring to Jane as a whore?” Maura’s tone was incredulous.

Frost laughed outright. “Oh God no! And if you even hint at it to her, she’ll have my balls. It’s just an expression. I get stuck in the early nineties sometimes. A good hard smack in the back of the head usually unsticks me.”

“Should I assume that Jane does the honors?”

“You would be right.”

“I wouldn’t be adverse to it if it would help. Does she connect closer to the brain stem or higher on the cranial plate?”

Frost blinked at her for several seconds. “You scare me.” He deadpanned.

“You would not be the first man to mention that.”

“Uh huh, bet you would scare the shit out of that Robert guy. It seems like she could do better than that.”

Maura shook her head, remembering Robert’s reaction to her presence. “No, he seemed upset with me somehow. I’ve only met him few times, and it hasn’t been enough form a strong opinion. I do know, however, there is something about him, but maybe Jane is privy to something we are not.”

“Just something? The guy talked to me and Korsak like we stank. His nose was screwed up the whole time. I don’t think he likes our kind around.”

“What do you mean?”

“Cops.”

“I’m not.” Maura said.

“Yeah, you’re only her best friend.” Frost stated.

“Why would he be threatened by me?”

“Maybe he’s more jealous. You guys have known each other forever. There’s this weird bond thing going on.”

“Bond thing?” Maura asked.

“Uh,” Frost laughed nervously. “You know…like your own little world.”

Maura looked away as a sudden rush of heat suffused her face. The action itself left her confused as much as his words did. Still, what Frost described had not been present as of late. Whereas before, they spoke almost every night and saw each other frequently, but now, Maura considered herself fortunate to hear from Jane once a week outside work let alone actually see her. “I…hadn’t realized that.”

“No big. I’m on the outside looking in remember?”

“I suppose.”

“Tell her I’ll swing by after my shift, especially since we got the green light to visit.”

Maura nodded and watched as Frost left. She removed the latex gloves with a loud snap and covered the unfortunate man on her slab with a sheet. Her mind wandered. The emotions bombarding her as of the last ten hours were leaving her unsure and scattered. It was not a condition she was accustomed to. Jane was on the mend and that was of the utmost importance, but her reaction to the entire ordeal had been stronger than she expected. There had been happiness and relief, but there was something so much deeper that Maura had yet to scratch the surface. It was within her grasp but eluding her by inches. It was most frustrating.

Knowing it would do little good to dwell, Maura headed toward her office to gather her things. She had a lunch date. Date. She paused at the thought. In reference to Jane, it made little sense, but it lingered. As did the hope that they would have some time alone without intrusion…without Robert.

* * * * *

They were blissfully alone. Maura peered down at Jane’s sleeping form with a tenderness that she was unaware of possessing, and she knew that she would have been satisfied with that act alone for an indeterminate amount of time. This gave Maura pause. What’s happening to me? The need to brush away dark wisps of hair that seemed to perpetually block Jane’s features was overwhelming. Maura sat down to steady herself, but her gaze remained fixed on Jane.

Closed eyelids did not hide the signs of rapid eye movement. Maura watched mesmerized and wondered if the dream featured her.

A gasp escaped Jane’s mouth, and it was followed by a low groan of, “No.”

Maura rose from the chair.

“No! Maura!”

Maura heard enough. She reached out smoothing back the hair she had only studied a few minutes before. “Shh, I’m here, Jane.”

Browns eyes blinked open. “M–maura?”

“Yes, I’m here.”

“Oh God.” Jane sobbed. Her hands shook as she reached out, grasping Maura and pulling her closer.

A tingle raced down Maura’s spine, nearly making her jump back in surprise. Maura steadied herself and leaned in as close as possible. “Careful. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Frightened eyes looked back at her. “He got you. He g–got you instead of me.”

Maura’s heart contracted. “It’s okay. I’m here. See? Feel me.” Jane’s hands continued to tremble as they traced up Maura’s arms to her face. Maura leaned into the touch. “See, I’m here.” Her voice was thick with emotion. Unable to deal with it all, Maura returned to what she knew. “This is a normal reaction to the trauma you’ve been through. You’ve never been shot before.”

Jane nodded and continued to watch her with wild eyes. “I was so scared. I didn’t know anything could hurt that bad, but I–I couldn’t just let him go. Y–you know? I had to get back up. I–I had to.”

Maura was shaken by the privilege she had just been given. She had seen Jane in many forms but never this vulnerable. “I know. That’s who you are. I would never change a thing.” Jane’s grip loosened, but Maura refused to move away.

Through the tears, Jane smiled. “No, you wouldn’t.” She paused and somehow managed to look thoughtful. “Can you get in here with me?”

Maura laughed despite the seriousness of the situation. “No, this bed is decidedly smaller than yours.”

“I knew that. I was just wondering if you were paying attention.”

“Those are some great drugs aren’t they?”

“Yah.”

“Jane?”

“Hmm?”

Maura wrestled with herself but the truth won. “I’ve missed you.” A tiny weight lifted.

Jane’s eyes caressed her own. Maura looked away. The bursting inside her chest nearly took her breath.

“Hey, don’t do that.”

Maura peered down at the thin hospital issued blanket. “Do what?” She murmured.

“Turn away from me.” Jane whispered huskily. “But I did that to you. Didn’t I? I’m sorry. I’m an asshole.”

Maura made a sound of protest in the back of her throat. “No. You’re in love.” Maura cringed inwardly and continued as their eyes met again. “It often happens to women especially. I’m referring to losing touch with your friends.” That shouldn’t hurt so much to say.

“Maybe, but I never said I was in love.”

“I just assumed.”

“I have my reasons for being with him. I do care about him a lot, but I can’t forget about everybody else, especially you.”

Maura’s heart thudded.

“I missed you too.” Jane’s lips slipped into a slow smirk. “And the Google–ese.”

Maura blushed. “Frost did say something about a translator.”

“I think I might check to see if there’s extra pay in that.”

“Jane!”

“What? It’s hard work. You with the Internet and Frost with his…well I don’t know what the hell that is.”

“Maybe you could explain something to me then?”

“Something Frost said?”

“Yes. What is a captain save a ho? I believe that’s the correct connotation.”

Weak laughter burst from Jane. Followed by “Oww, shit. Don’t make me laugh.”

“I also offered to help, but he didn’t seem to know what part of his head—”

“Ha! God kill me now.” Jane tried to stop the barrage of chuckles.

“Jane? Do you need more pain medication?” Maura attempted to move away.

“No, no don’t go.” Jane snagged Maura’s hand with her own.

The tingle returned stronger than before and settled low in her belly. Maura peered from their adjoined appendages back to Jane’s face. Dark eyes seemed to burn. The entanglement ended abruptly and Maura was unsure who prompted its elimination.

The quiet stretched over the tension, hiding it nicely.

“Um, did you eat lunch? You can have my Jell–o. It should be here in a few minutes.”

Maura smiled and sat down again. “No, I had a late breakfast.”

“Croissants with butter and marmalade.” Jane stated. Her eyes twinkled.

Maura blushed for the second time in Jane’s presence. “You know me well.”

“I do. Which is why I know you don’t blush, but I’ve seen it twice. I may be on some good shit, but I’m a detective after all.”

Maura bit her bottom lip.

“You don’t do that either.”

Maura’s breathing stilted in her chest, knowing where Jane’s eyes were. She swallowed. “I suppose it’s because I’m feeling more than I know what to do with right now.”

“I’m okay, Maura.”

“I know. I just need time to get back to normal.” Maura knew the words to be truth in some aspect, but she could not ignore the nagging feeling that things would never be the same again. Still, normal was a relative term after all.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m so tired. How long does it take to recover from something like this?”

“It could be up to two weeks before you engage in moderate activity. A few more before you’re even considered ready to work.”

Jane groaned but it turned into a yawn. “Thanks Britannica.” Her eyes closed. “Will you stay for a little while…in case I dream again?”

“I’ll be here.”

“Promise?” Jane mumbled.

“I promise.” Maura whispered.

Maura engaged in her new favorite past time for several minutes. She brought a hand to her chest, willing her heart to slow its erratic beating. Epiphany slammed into her in a tsunami sized wave. Maura closed her eyes and fought it with a will that was just as strong. When the illusion of equilibrium returned, Maura turned to go.

She opened the door only to find Robert waiting just outside it. The desire to ignore him was incredibly strong, and Maura decided to follow it.

A hand wrapped around her forearm, stopping Maura’s progress. She turned and nearly slammed into the wall of anger that radiated from him. Maura bristled at his audacity.

He leaned into her in an attempt to intimidate.

Maura met his gaze and refused to look away. “You will release me.”

“I heard everything…saw everything.” Robert growled.

“And I am unsure in what derivation of realities gives you the right to approach me this way…despite what you’ve heard.” Maura paused. “Now. Release me. I won’t ask again.”

His grip tightened.

With her free hand, Maura squeezed his wrist until he mewled in pain. He peered at her accusingly.

“We both can’t have her.” Robert spat the words.

“I assure you there’s more than enough of Jane to go around to those who care for her.”

“I should have made sure that you didn’t hear about the shooting. She doesn’t give a damn about you anymore.”

“Why delude yourself? You know better. The control that you think you have is an illusion, and the anger you have toward me solidifies that fact.” Maura enunciated each word carefully, deepening their impact.

“She listens to me. Her family listens to me.” He stated weakly.

“Then you don’t know her or them at all.”

“We both can’t—”

“Yes, I have better than average hearing.”

“You want her just like I do. I saw it. It’s written all over you.”

Maura opened her mouth to speak and to deny. Her body sagged in defeat. The wave of knowledge she kept at bay, drowned her. With the help of a drug addict, the dam burst. At first, her acknowledgment was only a nod, but the truth needed to be in the form of words. “Yes.”

“You need to stay away. Give us a chance—”

“Despite what you saw, there’s nothing between us. There will be nothing between us.” Hearing the words out loud bolstered her belief in them. “Your anger and jealousy are misplaced.” Maura paused. “As for staying away….I can’t. I won’t. She’s my best friend.” I need something.

The rage seemed to seep from him. He looked tired, gaunt. “What am I supposed to do? She showed you things that she refuses me. I love her, and I know she could love me.”

Maura stared at him refusing to let the pity come. “There are several things but you could start with being an accurate representation of the male of the species.”

“Are you going to tell her…about me?”

“No. At the moment, this is between us.”

Part 3

Jane grumbled. It was a true sign that she was on the mend. Never mind the fact she had been moved from ICU to a regular room just this morning. Jane grumbled again. She was a woman of action, and action was most certainly not being saddled to a hospital bed with a hole in her gut. Jane was bored and playing with the controls on the bed had only been exciting for a few seconds at most before she settled on a comfortable position—slightly reclining. It came back around full circle, she was still bored, irritated, and still in a fair amount of pain. She had gotten used the mind numbing drugs fairly quickly, and she was able to see through the fog to the environment around her, and the environment she knew had changed—dramatically.

The last three days were loaded with a myriad of occurrences and situations that left her reeling. Her first thought went to Maura. Jane knew she could be an asshole but she was no idiot. The fundamentals between her and Maura had changed. There was no room in her for denial. Each time their eyes met and every time they touched whether accidentally or planned her nerve endings sparked to life.

It scared Jane shitless.

It had been ages since she had been attracted to a woman. The police academy? Until recently, Jane had always considered it a fluke, a stage, a fucked up indiscretion that she was unlikely to repeat again. Jane smirked, and the hottest sex she could ever remember having.

Still, this was Maura.

Maura was not safe.

Lights flashed and horns blared every time she was around. If Jane looked close enough, she was sure to see the word danger imprinted on every piece of exposed skin.

Jane swallowed in attempts to lubricate a suddenly dry throat. All of this because some shitty fuckhead shot me? I’m seeing her through rose colored glasses now? That door should’ve stayed closed and locked. Jane refused to believe it. Something didn’t come from nothing. It had to have been there before, hiding, lurking and waiting to fuck them up all to hell. It had to be. What the hell am I going to do about it?

Maybe it was the drugs. Jane snorted. What was she going to do about it? Absolutely nothing. If it were even a possibility, Jane knew it would be the one to get under her skin like nothing else had and flay her alive. She liked her skin, and when it ended because it always did she wanted her skin for protection. That was it…that was all. End of story. There was no room in her for that either.

She would suck it up and be safe with Bob. Jane blinked. Rob.

Jane felt her forehead wrinkle. Now, that was another story all together. He had been acting very strangely the past few days. He jumped every time her door opened and seemed to be in a perpetual cold sweat. Puppy dog eyes that begged for everything before were somehow larger and down right pleading, and now, he hovered.

Jane thought it was cute at first, but now she could barely breathe when he was around. Jane had to grit her teeth and swallow the need to smack his hand when it lingered on her all cold and clammy. She knew she had to tell him, and Jane was certain that it would hurt his feelings. The aggravation was just too much right now, and she wanted to say it not spray it all over him in anger. Jane couldn’t break his heart…wouldn’t break his heart for any reason. He had been good to her and still hung on tolerating her and her occasional lack of enthusiasm concerning him.

He deserved better.

Jane silently convinced herself that there was a Maura switch that could simply be flipped to the off position. Yep, safe as houses…with her skin and friendship intact. Yep. All they needed to do was talk about it and get on the same page. Yep. Simple as pie.

Despite the seriousness of her thoughts, Jane was still bored.

The door opened, and she looked up hopefully, only to see a nurse entering, carrying suspicious looking supplies. Susan was a good nurse by anyone’s standards, but she wasn’t the one that brought the drugs. It made her moot in Jane’s eyes.

“Not time for Tammy yet?” Jane asked irritably.

“No, but how about a sponge bath? You have to be feeling grimy.”

“The fuck?” Jane’s eyebrows had migrated high on her forehead. Apparently, she had not gotten the memo. Only one person was allowed to do that.

Susan blushed. “Sponge bath?” She repeated uncertainly.

“Come again?”

The door swooshed open once more.

Susan sighed. “Sponge bath. You and me. I think you heard me.”

“Ohh, can I watch? I promise I won’t tell.” Frost asked innocently.

“Well if it isn’t captain save a ho.”

“Today? Why yes, yes I am.” Frost smile went from the nurse to Jane.

Jane rolled her eyes. His appearance instantly perked things up. Korsak had been a great partner but Frost was the right choice despite the turmoil it caused. Frost was like a third brother infuriating, endearing, but always there.

“Why don’t you leave that with me?” Frost’s head dipped to read her name tag. “Susan? I’m the only one she lets touch her.”

Susan peered at them both suspiciously. “Uh huh.” She sat the supplies on the nearby table before exiting.

Frost smacked his lips and glanced at his partner. “Did I do good?”

“The more I get to know you the more I see that you’re fucked in the head.”

“Somehow coming from you, it’s so not an insult.”

Jane’s gaze narrowed. “Careful.”

“Nah, I don’t play it safe.”

She cringed inwardly. “What the hell are you doing here this time of day? And where’s Korsak?”

“Tied up in the trunk. You can have him really.”

Jane grinned, knowing that Korsak would eventually grow on him. “He is an acquired taste.”

“Well, it tastes fucking nasty.”

“I have apple juice if you want it. Cleanse your palate.” Jane’s tone was playful. This is so going to be fun.

Frost glanced around the room. Jane knew all he would see was the clear pitcher of water.

“Huh? Where?”

Jane threw the covers to the side and pointed at the nearly full bag of urine attached to the side of her bed.

“God dammit Jane!”

Jane chuckled. She wasn’t bored anymore. “No? Not for you?”

“Do you want me to call Susan back in here?”

“Nah, my mom will take care of it when she comes.” Jane blanched. It was so the wrong thing to say to him.

Frost paused and peered at her. A slow smile took over his face. “You only let your mommy see you naked?”

Jane scowled. “Shut. The fuck. Up.”

Frost bellowed with laughter. “Oh God!” He wheezed and doubled over.

After a few long seconds, the laughter dissolved into chuckles. “What about Bob?”

“Excellent movie.”

He groaned. “You know what I mean. He’s your man. Let him do the sponge bath. I’m sure he’s seen you naked.” He threw himself in the chair beside her bed.

“I don’t think so.”

“He hasn’t?”

“Of course he has. Doesn’t mean I want him cleaning my…whoha.”

Frost looked like he was about to cry. “Only your mommy can right?”

“Stop it.”

“Can’t help it. You make it so easy. They need to keep you on those drugs.”

Jane pointed a finger at him in warning.

He held up his hands. “All right, but you’re not sitting there sulking anymore are you?”

“No,” Jane mumbled.

“Mmm hmm. Maura been by yet?”

“No, not until this afternoon I imagine. She does have to work.”

“Don’t know. She’s been kinda distracted the last couple of days.”

“Well, I was shot.”

“Mmm, there’s something….” Frost smirked. “Ooh, she could give the sponge bath.” He closed his eyes. “In one of those candy striper uniforms.”

Jane tried fervently to get her mind not to go there, but it went anyway. Her stomach clenched, but she knew she had to say something. “You so did not use your inside voice!”

“Oh shit, sorry.”

Jane wanted to throw something at him.

“What? I’m human. I am a man.”

“A nasty, nasty fucking man. Keep your dirty thoughts away from her.”

“Okay, okay. She’s my friend too. It was just a passing thought. I don’t have fantasies or anything.”

“Good. I would hate to have to rip out your asshole and feed it to you on potato bread.”

“Ack. Man, that’s some fucked up imagery.” His face was screwed in abject disgust.

So is what you put in my head. Damn it. “I know.”

The door opened again, admitting Robert.

Jane’s gaze snapped back to Frost when she heard him sigh. She raised an eyebrow at him.

Frost shrugged. “You want me to go?” His expression turned goofy. “Or are you gonna chance the sponge bath with him? You’re a woman, and they change their minds all the time.”

“No, and I hate you.”

“Whatever, woman.”

Robert coughed. They both turned to him.

“Hey.” Jane smiled.

Frost nodded.

Apparently, he took it as invitation. Suddenly, he was looming over her and his lips felt as though they swallowed her head. Jane ended the kiss with a sound of protest and a shove. “Rob?” She asked incredulously. “What the fuck? You don’t see him here?”

Robert stepped away quickly but not before she saw the flash of hurt in his eyes. Jane swore silently.

Frost stared down at his feet.

“Sorry, I just…missed you.” Robert said.

The puppy dog eyes were back, and for a big burly construction worker he did them well. Jane sighed. “It’s okay. Frost was just entertaining me.”

Frost snorted and stood.

“Well, he doesn’t have to stay. I can do that.” Robert’s tone left much to be desired.

Jane saw Frost do a double take.

“Not like I can.” A muscle jumped in her partner’s cheek.

What in the blue furry fuck!?

Blue and brown eyes clashed above her.

“I meant no offense.” Robert stated.

Jane saw something sparkle in blue eyes.

“Yeah, tell me that cause I’m black.” Frost retorted.

“I think you were right when I first walked in. It’s time for you to leave.” Robert’s voice was dripping with condescension.

“What the hell? It’s not just dicks in the room here!” Jane exclaimed. “Rob, why don’t you take a fucking walk and figure out why you can’t tell everybody what to do. Barry, you stay your ass right here.”

They continued to peer at it other as if they were about to lock horns.

“Now!” The muscles in Jane’s abdomen protested her vehemence loudly. She gritted her teeth to fight the pain. Jane ignored the puppy dog look as Robert trailed out the door.

Once they were alone, Jane tried to stare a hole in Frost’s face. “What the hell, man?”

Frost shrugged. “That guy, Jane. He makes my ass itch. He was a total asshole to me and Korsak the night you were shot.”

“What?” He wouldn’t do that. “That doesn’t sound like him. He can be a bit of a chest thumper, but he was probably just upset.”

“You’re making excuses.”

“Am not!” Jane exclaimed.

“Shit yeah you are.”

Shit. Yeah, I am. “Barry—”

“Uh unh, don’t Barry me. I see why you kept him secret. They guy is a dick smack.”

“What?” Jane asked looking for clarification.

“A jerk off.”

“He’s always been good to me.”

“Yeah, but shit to everyone else I bet. Your parents like him?” Frost asked.

“I don’t care if they do or not.”

“Oh, it’s like that? You could’ve died Rizzoli, and you’re gonna live your life like this? You can do better.”

Jane turned away. “I don’t want to do better.” It even sounded pathetic to her own ears.

Seconds ticked by quietly.

“Oh, so it’s like that.”

Jane nodded but refused to look at him. “Just let it go Frost. He’s not going to hurt me.”

“Aww, Jane man. Don’t you see he already has?”

Jane turned back to him and pleaded with her eyes. “Just leave it alone. I need this, and you guys aren’t going anywhere.”

Frost held up his hands. “All right. All right.” He paused. “You’re right you know. I’m not going anywhere, but it’s not good to take everybody else for granted that way.”

“I know that. I’ll talk to him, okay?”

“You think you have that much power over him?”

“Yeah, I’d like to think that I do.”

Frost sighed. “Whatever, do your thing, girl.” He rose from the chair. “I gotta jet before Korsak comes looking for me. I left the precinct while he was in the bathroom.”

Jane chuckled despite herself. As the door closed, she sobered quickly.

* * * * *

Robert sat on the toilet in a random bathroom of the hospital and listened as men came and went. He pillowed his face in his hands and ran them through his hair, pulling hard when he got to the top. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” He muttered.

It had been three days and it felt like an eternity, walking on egg shells and waiting for his world to collapse from under him. He was a literal wreck. He hadn’t slept. He had barely eaten and it looked like the bulldozer he sometime operated had run over him.

Robert shivered, but he wasn’t cold. He was terrified of what was to come. I fucked up. What was I thinking putting my hands on her like that? Fuck! FUCK! If this ends it’ll be my fault. Robert knew he’d handed control to Maura all tied up in a bright pink bow. The next play was completely in her court, and all he could do was sit on the sidelines and watch it happen. Maura was an unknown to him, a wild card. He had no idea how she thought or operated, and it was driving him mad. “She’s going to tell her. I know she’s going to tell her. What do I do?”

His mind jumped to the disaster he had perpetuated with Jane’s partner. The snowball was getting bigger as it rolled down hill. “Jane is going to want to talk about it. Yeah. She’s going to make some demands.” Robert nodded as if the air was interested. “I just have to do what she says to smooth it over. God, I’m an idiot. Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut?”

He peered down at his shaking hands and sobbed. “What do I do? What do I do about Maura?”

Someone knocked on the stall door. It rattled loudly. “Dude? You okay? Want me to get somebody?”

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” Robert bellowed.

“Well fuck you, buddy!”

“He’s right. Pull yourself together. One thing at a time.” Robert sucked in a breath and blew it out violently. He repeated this several times and stared down at his hands willing them to stop trembling.

A calm descended, but he knew it was only on the surface. Inside, Robert churned.

He stood up and rubbed a hand down his t–shirt to his jeans. He took another cleansing breath and listened to make sure he was alone before he exited.

The silence was deafening.

He pushed the door opened and headed toward the wall lined with sinks. Robert peered at himself in one of the mirrors. His eyes were nearly blood shot depicting his inner turmoil. It was perfect. Jane liked it when he was sensitive.

* * * * *

Alone with her thoughts again, Jane groaned. There was too much going on. There was too much to process. Her energy level was almost nonexistent. Full of piss and vinegar, she had just enough left to upset…monumentally so. What the hell made him think he could say that in front of me? I’m not some damn damsel in fucking distress that needs protecting. He knows that. “What was he thinking?” Jane said aloud.

Before she could finish her thoughts, the door to her room opened. Robert’s head was down in supplication, but Jane noticed the blood shot eyes. Crying? You’re shitting me. I’m so not feeling sorry for him right now.

He stopped a few inches from the bed, but refused to sit down. Robert shoved his hands deep in his pockets. His body slumped as if someone had hammered him into the dirt.

“I know everybody can be an asshole but you…you were the whole god damned ass.”

Robert nodded. “I know. This whole thing has me so screwed up. It’s like I know they’re not responsible but in a way it feels that way to me. You love what you do. They’re a part of what you do, and that’s part of why you got shot. I know rationally it’s not their fault, but Frost, that older guy and even Maura just rub me the wrong way right now.” His tone was pitiful.

Jane’s body stiffened at the sound of Maura’s name. Her stomach slithered. “She doesn’t deserve your passive aggressive bullshit. None of them do. I’m the one you’re pissed at. Aim it at me.”

His gaze met hers. “I can’t do that Jane.”

“Really? So you think being an ass to the people I love is going to endear you to me? Really?”

“I never said it was rational.” He whispered.

“Get that way or I have some serious re–evaluation to do in this relationship. These people are my family for fuck’s sake.”

His expression was pained. Robert nodded vigorously. “Okay, okay. I’m running on fumes here. I’d never let things get away from me like that. I can do this Jane. Frost deserves an apology. I’m so sorry. You’re so right about all of this.” He sat in the chair and put his head in his hands.

Jane sighed and tried to resist the insane urge to touch his bowed head. She was unsuccessful. Tentatively, Jane reached out. What am I doing? “All this time we’ve been together and it’s our first real fight.” There is something so wrong with that, but I guess it’s better than the alternative. I guess.

“I can admit when I’ve messed up. I’m big enough to do that.”

“Yeah,” Jane frowned as clarity besieged her. I’m not. Her thoughts rang out as she peered at the mess she had created.

* * * * *

Maura removed soiled gloves with a snap. They fell on top of the equally dirty paper apron and hat. The trash can lid closed, hiding the small signs of her tinkering with death. She turned and covered the young woman with a white sheet. Maura ambled toward the sink, washing her hands free of the fine powder the gloves habitually left behind. All these motions were automatic, programmed allowing her mind, her thoughts to be free to churn.

The tap of her heels on the floor was cacophonous as she walked away, heading toward her office. Maura brushed unseen wrinkles from her Donna Karen skirt. Once inside one of her favorite sanctuaries, she closed the door behind her with a soft snick.

A shaky exhalation escaped her chest.

So much had happened the past few days. Her mind was a whir in her attempts to analyze it all. In a few short days, everything had changed, and Maura had no idea if it was indeed for the better. Her thoughts suddenly flashed one word, one name.

Jane.

Her heart stuttered within her chest as she remembered the electricity arcing between them. Maura was under no illusion that she was in this quagmire alone. Jane was well aware and was just as terrified as she was. Dark eyes had been so easy to read whereas before they were a puzzle to be deciphered. Now, everything was laid bare for her to see, and they were going to have to talk about it sooner or later.

Still.

There was nothing to be done.

Maura had no frame of reference for this. There had been a plethora of attractions and even a few consummations with both males and females, but it had always been a fulfilling of a need for sexual gratification that every human possessed. There had never been emotional entanglement.

But now, Maura was tied in a million knots weeping with feeling and a searing awareness that left her totally discombobulated.

Maura closed her eyes and leaned back in the leather chair. Knowing all of this, Maura had tried valiantly not to touch too much and not to stare too long. She had failed miserably. She was drawn to Jane’s every breath, every word, and every movement. Her lack of control was by itself horrifying.

At night when sleep eluded her, Maura laid awake cataloging her feelings from before and comparing them to the flood that was present now. She had come to the conclusion that they had always been there but corked and growing stronger, waiting to explode out of the bottle like the best champagne. Maura was calling on all her faculties to find a way to staunch the flow.

So far, it had eluded her.

Her eyes opened slowly, and she peered down at her watch. It was getting late in the afternoon, and her need to see Jane had just become overwhelming. We are in a friendship. There can be nothing more. Maura was sure this needed to be her mantra. “She’s taken.” She spoke the words in the air then laughed derisively.

She was taken by a man so threatened by the people around Jane that he was going to in time sabotage what they had. Maura was sure of it. She recalled the altercation between them with a smile. She so enjoyed dishing out comeuppance. The smile tugged into a frown, because she knew even if Robert was not an issue Maura did not posses what was needed to tackle the entity that was Jane. Of that she was sure also. Being an emotional virgin did have its drawbacks.

Keeping Robert’s secret was not a lie. Keeping Robert’s secret was a thin veil of protection. It bought her time to find a way to restore equilibrium even as she continued to tilt toward chaos.

Maura peered at her watch once more. She tried to clamp down on the excitement teeming through her body, but at the moment it was impossible.

* * * * *

As Maura neared room 313, her heart rate increased with each step. She stopped outside the door and listened, hoping that they would be alone.

There was no sound.

Maura sent a silent thank you to the universe as she pushed the door open. Her breath caught at the sight before her.

Brown eyes blinked back at her expectantly. “Was wondering when you were coming.”

Maura could not stop the smile that spread across her face. “I’m here now.”

“Yes, you are.” Dark eyes raked over her studying her. Jane reached out a hand. “C’mere.”

Swallowing, Maura did not hesitate as if propelled by some unforeseen force. Their fingertips touched and Maura quivered. The embrace was brief, and Jane was the first to pull away. Maura expected that. It had become routine.

Needing to feel the tension around them, Maura attempted to inject some normalcy. “What did you do today?”

Jane hiked an eyebrow in her direction. “Went to Pakistan and found Osama Bin Laden.” She deadpanned.

Maura’s lips quirked. “All by yourself?”

“Frost went with me.”

A chuckle escaped. “You know. You’re one of the only people who can make me laugh?”

Brown eyes sparkled. “I know.” Jane paused. “Frost did come by earlier. He’s an ass. Make sure you tell him next time you see him.”

“I’ll do no such thing. Barry is the perfect partner for you.”

Jane’s smile was sheepish. “I know, but I have to give him a hard time.”

Words fell away as their gazes connected.

Maura felt herself teetering on the edge of being lost. She licked suddenly dry lips and ordered her body to ignore Jane’s eyes as they tracked her every movement. Of course, it didn’t listen. Awareness crackled over her skin before seeping in deep. Still standing, Maura began to fidget and was unsure whether to sit down in the provided chair or run away screaming.

She prickled with heat as gooseflesh raced over her skin. The sudden feel of a hand tugging on her own appendage caught her by surprise. A gasp escaped but still she threaded Jane’s fingers with her own.

“Sit.” Jane’s voice was husky, thick.

Maura bent to sit in the chair.

“No, on the bed.”

“I don’t want to h—”

“Sit Maura.” Jane reiterated.

Without a moment’s more hesitation, Maura followed Jane’s request. When Jane’s heat blasted her, Maura instantly knew it was a mistake. Her breathing hitched and her stomach rolled as awareness transformed into lightning bolts of arousal. Maura squeezed Jane’s hand…hard.

Jane squeezed back in return and filled the air with her own ragged breathing.

Her lack of control was getting worse, Maura knew. They had barely touched, barely spoken, and already Maura couldn’t breathe. She closed her eyes willing herself to calm. The hand that held hers skidded away. A minute feeling of relief invaded.

“You’re my best friend, and one of the most important people in my life.”

With her eyes still closed, Maura nodded. She didn’t trust herself to speak, but it was a discussion that was sorely needed.

A scorching hand trailed up her neck to her cheek. Maura shuddered. A whimper exploded from her chest. She leaned into the touch. Coherence fled when soft fingertips whispered past her lips. These touches were intentional and not hidden in the need for comfort. “Jane.” It sounded broken and desperate to her own ears.

“I know Maura. God dammit I know. Look at me.”

Maura opened her eyes slowly only to drown in dark pools. Jane’s face was flushed. Her expression was rakish and needy. “Jane,” she sobbed.

“I knew it when you touched me when I first woke up. I swear to fucking God.” In a bold move that was blatantly sexual, Jane brushed her thumb across Maura’s open mouth, pushing things further than they had ever dared to go.

Maura groaned and opened wide, sucking it deep inside.

Jane’s eyes were sad, pleading but full of fire. Slowly she removed her thumb from its warm, wet home, leaving a trail of moisture down Maura’s chin. “We can’t do …this. You know we can’t.” Her voice was strained.

“I know.” Maura whispered.

Jane shook her head. “I’m with Robert, and even if I wasn’t I don’t think I could handle feeling this or you.”

“I k–know.” This hurts…so much.

“Do you hate me?” Jane’s tone was childlike and hesitant.

Oh God. Maura blinked, refusing to let the tears burning her eyes fall. “No! I could never.”

“D–do you think we’re going to be okay?”

Maura reached out for Jane’s hand, clutching it chastely. “We have to be.”