Happiness is a warm gun

“She's not a girl who misses much”

Bree sat across from Lynette in the restaurant, sipping chardonnay. She kept the glass raised to her lips and peered over at a troubled Lynette.

When Lynette’s knife clanked to the floor, Bree raised her eyebrows. Lynette was having a great deal of difficulty getting her butter to spread onto her bread.

“Sonofabitch,” Lynette mumbled as the cold chunk of butter tore clean through the crusty bread.

“I’m sure you really impress your clients if this is how you behave at your “power lunches,” Bree teased.

“People are impressed, just not with my table manners. Besides you are not a client, and this is not a “power lunch,” so I’m allowed to have problems with my bread without you judging me, thank you,” Lynette smiled sarcastically and blew a strand of hair out of her face. She picked up a new piece of bread to start over with.

“I’m tempted to help you; that way there will be no butter problems,” Bree retorted. “I for one can not stand it when the butter is not spread evenly over the surface area of the bread.”

The waiter appeared beside the table and refilled the ladies’ wine glasses. “I’ll be back momentarily to take your order.”

Lynette finally sunk her teeth into her bread. Bree refrained from commenting and took a fresh sip of wine. “I love a nice meal in the middle of the day. You know the last time I came here I was with George, and Edie spotted us from across the restaurant and assumed George and I were having an affair. Can you imagine?” Bree paused and turned her head. “I hope Edie isn’t here today.”

“Why, do you think she’ll suspect we’re having an affair?” Lynette teased.

“I wouldn’t put it past her. Worse yet, she’ll ask to join us,” Bree remarked.

“You think she’ll want to join in on our affair, or just join us for lunch?” Lynette joked.

Bree laughed, “ah yes, a menage-a-trois with me, you and Edie.”

“We could make a Bree sandwich,” Lynette offered.

“I do love Brie cheese…,” Bree was lost in her own little world.

“So do I,” Lynette chimed in. “Especially when it gets hot. It just melts sooo nicely.”

“Are we still talking about cheese?” Bree blushed.

“No,” Lynette sighed.

Bree brushed off Lynette’s flirtatiousness and focused on lighter conversation. Bree was glad she was finally able to talk to Lynette, she was her best friend and she hadn’t seen her enough lately. She felt she could really open up to her in way she wasn’t able to with anyone else, and Bree was comforted in knowing Lynette felt the same way. Bree, however, didn’t know how Lynette truly felt about her, and that Lynette wasn’t entirely kidding around with all her flirting.

When they were finished eating, Lynette picked up the check. “Well, I had a nice time, but I have to get back to work.” She stood up grabbed her bag and Bree leaned in for a peck on the cheek.

“Bye, Lynette. Thank you. I get the check next time,” Bree saw Lynette’s flushed face, and asked, “Did you drink too much wine? You look intoxicated.”

“Oh, no I’m fine,” Lynette said. She wasn’t so much intoxicated with alcohol, but with her growing infatuation for Bree. She felt the boundaries between their friendship beginning to blur and she didn’t know how to act on it.

“Lynette, please let me drive you back to the office. You must have had more to drink than me,” Bree said concerned.

“No, really I’m fine.”

“Okay, but I’ll call you tonight. We should really talk. It seems like something is really bothering you,” Bree walked to Lynette’s car.


”A soap impression of his wife which he ate and donated to the National Trust.”

That evening Bree worried about Lynette. She picked up the phone, than put it down again. She didn’t want to interrupt her family in the middle of dinner, but she didn’t want to call too late in case the conversation went on for a long time. Bree dialed.

“Scavo residence,” Lynette chided.

“Hi Lynette, did you get off okay today?” Bree asked.

“Huh?” Lynette felt guilty. Did Bree know what she was thinking?

“Today, Lynette, did you get back to work okay,” Bree clarified.

“Oh, yes. I am absolutely fine,” Lynette assured her.

“Can you come over to my house when you are finished with dinner? I have something to ask you.” Bree said.

“Sure, I’ll be right over.” Lynette thought Bree was on to her feelings for her, and she was going to admonish her for them. Lynette knew she was going to have to address her feelings sooner or later. She was nervous and worried, and her work had been really challenging even though it was slightly better than being home with the kids. Things between her and Tom weren’t exactly great and to top it off she could barely be near Bree without losing it, which was most of the reason she had been keeping her distance as of late.

Lynette strolled over to Bree’s house, and knocked on the door. Bree answered as a picture of perfection, complete with a tray of warm chocolate chip cookies. “When I get nervous I bake,” Bree said as she offered Lynette a cookie.

“You bake a lot, Bree, so why are you nervous tonight?” Lynette said between bites of crumbly deliciousness.

“Well… here it is. Rex signed me and him up for this massage class of some kind, months and months ago and the first class is tonight at 8:30, and I kind of want to go. You know, to honor Rex’s memory. He really wanted to go himself, and I’ve been thinking about it all day, and I thought it would be fun for us to go,” Bree finished.

“Massage? Okay.” Lynette looked bewildered.

“Do you think it’s weird that I still want to go, despite Rex being gone?” Bree sat down on the couch.

“No, I’ll definitely go with you, if that’s what you want,” Lynette sat down beside her. “What kind of class is it?”

“I’m not sure exactly. I think it’s just a beginner course for massage therapy. Rex was a big proponent of massage,” Bree said.

“This is a little short notice, but I’m game. We should leave soon if it starts at 8:30.”

“Lynette, I’m really glad you’re coming, but I’m worried that you’re not telling me something important. Did I do something to upset you? Please tell me, whatever it is,” Bree’s expression was pained. Bree adored Lynette, and she couldn’t understand her distance recently. Bree felt good and happy around Lynette, like a weight lifts off her shoulders whenever she is near, and she didn’t ever want things to be weird between them.

“Bree, I am so not upset with you. You are an amazing woman, and I really need a massage so let’s go,” Lynette said as she headed toward the door.

”She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand”

Lynette and Bree walked up to the YMCA and found the classroom. They walked in and were met with looks from several other couples.

The instructor was already talking, “…so feel free to get into any state of undress you’re comfortable with. The fewer clothes you have on the more the experience of couples massage will be heightened.”

Bree suddenly looked extremely uncomfortable, “Are we in the right place?”

“I hope you don’t have any qualms about touching me,” Lynette was beginning to understand exactly what kind of class this was. Her heart began to flutter, is this why Bree had asked her to come?

“Oh, Lynette, I didn’t realize this class was for couples only. I think I understand why Rex had signed us up for it. Our marriage counselor probably recommended it. We can just go home if you want,” Bree said embarrassed.

“Well, it’s already paid for,” Lynette saw this as a rare opportunity to explore her physical attraction to Bree, and see if it was reciprocated. Of course, she felt kind of bad doing it with Rex’s spirit hovering so close, but what’s a girl gonna do?

Bree released a heavy sigh, “let’s stay for a little while, and see what this is like then.”

The instructor had been waiting for everyone to get undressed, and her attention was now focused on the fully clothed women.

“Bree, take off your shirt and get on the floor,” Lynette couldn’t believe she got to say that.

“Oh, my God, Lynette! I can’t believe we’re staying. I am not taking off my shirt, you take off your clothes,” Bree hissed.

The instructor walked up to the ladies. “I can see your relationship is in trouble, if you are open to the massage the massage will heal you. TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT NOW, AND YOU STRADDLE HER!” The instructor yelled in such a way that Bree immediately obeyed and got on the floor, Lynette climbed on top of her.

The instructor, Cassandra, returned to her calm voice as she doled out instructions, “Now, to begin: lightly touch your partner’s back and let them relax. I am turning off the lights and lighting these scented candles. Atmosphere is very important in order to turn each other on…”

“Bree this isn’t going to be any fun for either of us, if you don’t relax,” Lynette said as she lightly brushed her fingertips over Bree’s back.

“Okay, now use light pressure to rub the long muscles that run parallel, and the flat muscle groups that cover the top of the back and lower neck. Keep directing blood flow to the genitals,” Cassandra came by and squirted Bree’s back with massage oil, she winked at Lynette, “the oil is cherry flavored, go ahead and taste it.”

Lynette went ahead and gave Bree a lick, “yum, not bad. Ooh, I taste a hint of sorghum; I hope you don’t have an allergic reaction. ”

“I can’t believe you just licked my back, and I’m not allergic to sorghum,” Bree started laughing. She was definitely relaxed.

“Finish stroking the back. I now want you to switch places with your partner, as we focus on the lower body,” Cassandra said. “Before you take off your pants, focus on your partner and hug them. Thank them for giving the massage. Let yourself be loved.”

Bree slowly sat up, and turned to face Lynette. Her cheeks were completely flushed, and Lynette couldn’t help noticing her erect nipples through the lacy material of her bra, “I know this lady is really hilarious, but you better give me a good lower body massage, my feet ache. I’m not used to wearing high heels all the time,” Lynette said before she lunged forward and caught Bree in an oily embrace.

“Bree pressed in for the hug and shut her eyes, “Thank you for relaxing my back. Your feet may hurt, but you look so good in your suits and heels. I prefer you in them, actually.”

“Now look at your partner and stroke their face, explore it and play with their hair. I just want you to physically connect,” Cassandra added.

Bree and Lynette continued hugging in bliss; they sighed and pulled away from each other. Bree’s eyes were half-closed, “I feel so safe with you,” she whispered, as Lynette caressed her cheek.

Lynette took off her pants and Bree started on her feet, “I’m directing your blood to your genitals,” Bree said matter-of-factly as she worked on Lynette’s calves.

“It’s working,” Lynette mumbled. Bree blushed, but felt rather pleased with her effort, and she couldn’t deny how turned on she was feeling.

“Work your way up to your partner’s buttocks. You’ll need to apply firm pressure here to really get down to the muscle,” Cassandra walked by. “Good commitment, Bree.”

“Rub my ass harder,” Lynette said, she was so relaxed she was drooling.”

“Have you been running a lot?” Bree asked.

“Just after the kids, it’s mostly from yoga,” Lynette chatted.

“Okay, feel free to bring the massage to an end whenever you feel done. Hey, you two, in the corner. The massage ended a while ago- go get a room,” Cassandra yelled at a young couple who were passionately making out. “Next week we’ll be exploring more techniques to turn each other on and connect through massage. I recommend that you all go home and make love, I promise it will be incredibly intense.”

”I need a fix 'cause I'm going down”

“Well, you heard the woman, let’s go,” Lynette said as she got in the car.

Bree looked at her slightly startled and bit her lip. Lynette couldn’t believe she was seriously considering her.

“I think I understand now,” Bree looked worried. “Do you…want….me?” Bree didn’t quite know how to ask her.

Lynette looked down at the ground. She had to be honest, “That’s what’s been bothering me.”

They sat in the car silently, both considering implications of their feelings. Bree thought it would be so easy to just reach out and touch Lynette and show her that she wanted her too, in fact she just spent an hour learning how easy it was to touch. Bree was beginning to acknowledge her buried feelings; it only took a night of sensual massage to coax them out of her. Instead of touching Lynette Bree pushed her feelings back down into the abyss, and icily punctuated the silence with three words, “Take me home.”

Lynette wasn’t sure what Bree wanted from her statement, but she couldn’t just let this go and pretend all was normal. The dynamics of their relationship had just shifted. “Don’t be cold with me, and don’t change like that,” Lynette pleaded. “I know you feel something for me, I felt it tonight.”

A tear slipped down Bree’s cheek and she hugged her sides, “I do…but we can’t,” Bree trailed off and her gaze shifted toward the window.

“Can I just do one thing?” Lynette stopped the car on the side of the road, and fiercely kissed Bree. Bree protested for a moment, but her over stimulated body quickly relaxed into the kiss.

They finally broke it, and Lynette looked at Bree hopefully.

“Oh, God. Lynette, Take me home,” Bree repeated this time with an entirely different intonation.

“Um, are you tired? Do you just want to go to bed?” Lynette asked confused.

“With you,” Bree barely uttered.

Lynette pulled the car into the driveway. Once inside Bree’s house, she asked Lynette if she would like some wine. Lynette resisted the urge to jump her, seeing as Bree still had some reservations. Lynette followed her into the kitchen and watched as Bree pulled out the wine and glasses. Lynette snuck up behind her and snaked her hands around Bree’s waist, she unbuttoned her pants . Bree barely held her composure, her eyes fluttered shut as Lynette ground her hips into Bree’s ass, and kissed her ear working down her neck, “you taste so good,” Lynette whispered between kisses. Lynette reached up and fondled Bree’s breast. Bree tightly gripped the countertop for balance, as she sharply inhaled.

Lynette pulled away, leaving Bree gasping and missing the warm contact desperately. Lynette reached around her and picked up her glass of wine, she urged Bree to do the same. Lynette felt like she had been drugged as she took a sip, her eyes never leaving Bree’s. Bree shook herself free of her paralysis, and smiled coyly before she took Lynette’s hand and led her up to her bedroom.