Disturbances - Dark

“It’s done?” it may have been phrased as a question but it is asked with an air that suggests that there is only one acceptable answer.

“It’s done,” she waits for acknowledgment that the response is the desired one and receives this in the form of a crooked finger beckoning her towards the bed. The distance to the bed is small and the time she takes to get there is disproportionate, her movements hindered by the fact that she divests herself of clothing as she goes. She stands at the edge of the bed awaiting permission to join the other woman, Bree’s eyes rake over her and while she stands the scrutiny in silence the tension she feels is radiating through her, her muscles feel so tight that they are at risk of breaking down at any second, liquefying her body and causing her to collapse into the waters of her own self-hatred.

“You resent that I asked you to do this?”

“It felt like more of a command than a request, I didn’t realize that there was an alternative,” the tension she feels increases as a result of the boldness of her statement, her fists are clenched so tight that the muscles in her forearms begin to tremor. To an outsider it would seem so unlikely that she could ever feel discomfort at speaking her mind that it would border on the ridiculous. She doesn’t know how Bree holds this power over her, how in this room everything that she is in the outside world disappears and she so willingly lets herself be controlled – well that’s not entirely true, she knows that she was intrigued with the idea of a place where she didn’t need to be strong and she happily surrendered to Bree, she just doesn’t like that the control has extended beyond the bedroom.

“If that’s the way you feel, you don’t have to be here.”

Bree is right and that probably scares her more than anything, she doesn’t want to give this thing between them up but she is frightened by lengths that she may have to go in order for it to continue, “Yet here I am all the same.”

“That’s all I need to know, it’s okay if you are angry just so long as you are here.”

“I am angry and I don’t think that you should just dismiss my feelings, it’s bad enough that you dismiss everybody else’s I don’t want to become just one of the crowd.”

“I would have thought that if anything, I care too much about what people think of me and that I need them to believe that I am the perfect wife and mother, ask anyone Lynette and that is what they will say.”

Her anger has developed properties of a physical entity, it is roaming through her body as though looking for a weakened area that it can explode out of and attack Bree, “What you made me do hurt other people and you don’t even care.”

“I didn’t make you do anything, all I did was ask.”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“I’m sorry I clearly missed the moment when I developed the power to take away your free will, you had a choice Lynette it’s just that you weren’t happy with the alternatives you were given.”

“Look at the options I had – lose you or get rid of my nanny, preferably by making it my husband’s fault and by the way, since you haven’t bothered to ask, that is exactly what happened so, no, I am not convinced that you don’t have some sort of dark power that allows you to control the world around you, you probably somehow organized for Claire to walk in on us.”

“Well, my thighs were wrapped pretty firmly around your head at the time, for all you know I could have invited her in, may be I did, may be I was thinking about upgrading and I have to admit the girl has a nice body but answer me this Lynette, seeing you are now some sort of moral compass, were you thinking about your husband when you tongue was inside of me?”

“Why do you have to be so cruel?” she contemplates leaving the room but it is going to be impossible to make a dignified exit and she doesn’t want Bree to think she has won, she needs to gain back some of the ground that she has lost.

“Because you let me.” It’s true what they say, the truth hurts, it hurts like being skinned alive and Bree is only getting started. “It’s the reason that I chose you and you can complain all you want but you keep coming back so at least on some level you like the fact that I treat you this way.”

“Well doesn’t that just make me ever so special?”

“We had ground rules when we started this, or don’t you remember, you are free to end this the moment that this is not fun for you.”

“Fun? You think what we are doing is fun? A bit of fun shouldn’t get other people fired.” It shouldn’t make you question your value as a human being either but that is what is starting to happen, she doesn’t think she should tell Bree this though.

“No-one is making you do any of this. You didn’t have to choose me, you could have stayed faithful to Tom, you didn’t have to get Claire fired, I’ve seen you flirt with her you could have explored that instead. You were as worried as I was about someone finding out about this.”

“I don’t care who finds out, God help me, as sick as this makes me all I care is not losing you.”

“I don’t want to end the time we have together either but you need to understand that no-one but you can ever know about this side of me.”

The beast that has been growing inside her stirs at this possible chink in Bree’s armour, “You should just drop the act, I think Rex would like you this way, I think he’s growing tired of your little homemaker act and if you don’t spice things up, you will lose him.”

“He is my husband and the father of my children I could never act this way with him, some things should be sacred.”

“And I guess I am not one of those things?” the anger that had been rising inside her loses its strength in the face of overwhelming despair.

“You are extremely important to me, I would give you up if it meant keeping face but you should know that it would hurt me, that I would probably never be the same again.”

“If that’s true why can’t you put us first, we could be more than the games we play in this room, we could be so good together.”

“Lynette I have a husband, I have a family, you a welcome addition to my life but you are not a substitute for what I already have, it wouldn’t be enough.” Her emotions are yo-yoing out of control, she can’t integrate them, can’t understand how it can be possible to love someone who hurts you so much, how she can hate the things that Bree says to her and still feel that she would die for her. “So are we going to waste this opportunity with endless talking or are you getting into bed?”

“You haven’t given permission for me to do that.”

“That’s my good girl. You can approach,” and although she loathes herself for it, Lynette does as she is told.