Each According to Her Need

Author: Rysler
Date: 04/26/05
Pairing: Lilly/Christina (Cold Case)
Summary: Christina is in trouble, and Lilly will only help her for a price.
Warnings and Notes: Darkfic. Angry, bitter, somewhat dominating incestuous sex done for dirty, souless reasons. I'll let this be my anger!sex story, since I punked out on writing it last time. Kudos to Cold Case for giving me more motivation. Unbeta-ed, because...it's incest porn.
Spoilers through 2x20 "Kensington."

For [info]thenewhope.

* * *

Lilly hated her sister. She hated Christina for causing a cop to show up at her door. She hated Christina's problems, hated Christina having sex with Scotty, hated Christina for ruining the best part of her life, just because she had to go get drunk and rub up against something.

She hated Christina for drinking.

She hated Christina for coming to Philadelphia.

She faced Christina right outside of police headquarters that afternoon because she'd called Christina to warn her about the man from New York chasing her. She wasn't sure what compelled her to do the right thing, but she always did.

What made it so hard for Christina to do the same?

"What did you tell them?" Christina's words were tinged with pleading, as if it were apparent who Lilly would choose, between a big city cop and her own flesh and blood.

Lilly rested her forehead against the glass headquarters door. "Nothing."

"What should I do?"

Lilly even hated Christina for being afraid. Lilly'd spent her adulthood fighting that same fear. She'd become a cop, carried a gun, toughened up. Christina wasn't evil, or homeless, or an addict, she was just hopeless. "Do whatever you want."

When she looked up, Christina was gone. Lilly went inside headquarters to find Scotty making a phone call. He waved her over and as he hung up, said, "Let's go talk to Butch."

He drove. She studied his profile. He looked sorrowful and serious, but she couldn't smell the booze on him today, or the breath mints and cologne that had covered up his habits lately. She didn't pretend to think he'd given up the bottle, but he was keeping it under control, for now.

Since Christina wasn't around him to pour it down his throat anymore.

Christina had gotten between Lilly and her partner, and Lilly hated her for making it impossible to have the conversation with him she needed to have.

"What's wrong?" Scotty would ask as he glanced at her.

"Christina," she'd say. "Cops are after her for credit card fraud. She's in trouble. We're talking jail time."

"What can we do?"

Instead, she sat silent in the car, listening to the thump of the wipers against the windshield, trying not to wonder why people like Christina and Butch were alive, when Joe was dead.

* * *

Halfway through dinner that night, homemade ravioli with the cats, someone knocked on Lilly's front door. She opened it to find Christina standing outside, soaked from the rain. "You can't be here," Lilly said. Christina tensed. She looked toward the street, away from Lilly, but Lilly could see her eyes filling with tears. She sighed, and amended, "You can't be here because this is the first place that cop will look."

Christina smiled weakly and looked back at Lilly. "Thanks. For protecting me."

"You're welcome." Lilly started to close the door.

"Wait." Christina reached out, putting her hand on the door.

Lilly glared.

"You're the only one..." Christina's lip quivered. She inhaled, trying to find her voice. "Only one who can protect me. I mean, will protect me."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have dumped Scotty." Lilly pushed on the door.

Christina held it open, putting her shoulder into it. "He was a wall. I wasn't happy with him, if you hated me because of it. I thought he was a way to get closer to you, to be a part of your family, but I was wrong." Tears spilled onto her cheeks. "Please, Lilly."

Lilly stepped back, leaving the door open. "This isn't going to work," she said.

"I..." Christina stopped.

Lilly wondered if she was going to say, 'I love you.' That wouldn't be true. She and her sister were just going through the motions, linked by blood, not heart, which was not the way things should be. This wasn't going to work, until Christina shaped up, or Lilly stopped playing good cop. They were both in their own hells.

'I need you,' would be more true, but neither would say it. Lilly's sister valued independence as much as she did. It was the only thing they had in common.

"I've missed you," Christina said. She stepped closer to Lilly, but was interrupted by the cats running to greet her. Christina knelt, scratching their heads, and Lilly watched jealously at the way they welcomed Christina to her house.

Lilly said, "They're hungry. They must smell the restaurant on you."

"They're just happy to see me," Christina said, grinning at Lilly as she straightened. "Besides, I don't work at the bar anymore."

"You don't," said Lilly, who folded her arms.

"They found out I was sipping after hours. Which is why--"

Here it comes.

"I need some money, Lilly."

"Why not withdraw it from one of your fake credit cards?"

Christina winced. She stepped closer to Lilly, and put her hands on Lilly's folded arms. "Come on, Lilly, I don't ask often. It's just been rough, lately."

Because of Scotty.

Lilly lifted her chin, so she could look over Christina's head. Christina's fingers were squeezing her arms, caressing her so she didn't quite want to pull away. She swallowed. "You can't pay me back."

Christina moved even closer, so that her chest was pressed against Lilly's forearms. "I'm good for it," she said. Her breath blew across Lilly's neck when she spoke.

"Oh, you're good for it." Lilly looked across the room at a small painting she'd picked up at a yard sale, and wondered why she didn't have any pictures of her mother or her sister around.

"Lilly." Christina spoke as close to Lilly's ear as possible. "You're wrong. It could work, now that Scotty's out of the picture."

Lilly closed her eyes. "He's not out of my picture." As Christina's fingers trailed down her arm, she added, "Is this how you always squeak by, Chris? Did you screw the guy in New York?"

"He screwed me." Christina rubbed her thumb against Lilly's wrist. "If you want me to disappear, tell me. You'll never see me again."

Lilly's eyes stayed closed. "I never want to see you again." As Christina's warm presence withdrew, Lilly reached out and grabbed her shoulders. "Later."

Christina leaned in to kiss Lilly, but Lilly held her at bay, squeezing her shoulders. Christina sank to her knees. She kept her eyes on Lilly's face.

Lilly looked down at her. "How much is this worth to you? Two hundred dollars? How much do you do it for?"

"I wouldn't need the money if I had a place to stay," said Christina. She slid her arms around Lilly's waist.

Lilly didn't answer, just held Christina against her, wondering how it had come to this, how she had become so lonely that the only person in the world who really cared about her, who'd even pretend to love her, her own sister, was on her knees meeting her contempt unflinchingly. It had become so twisted and hateful and wrong and Lilly wanted it to stop, but Christina was pushing up her shirt to kiss her stomach and Lilly gave into that one part of her that would never see light.

She took over the task of pulling her shirt over her head, leaving her abdomen bare for Christina's soft licks. Christina tongued her belly button, rimming it with pointed flicks of her tongue, causing Lilly to suck in her breath. Lilly buried her fingers in Christina's hair, squeezing, intending to make it hurt. Her anger flowed through her hands, making her palms feel hot. She yanked back Christina's head, and felt a jolt of surprise when she realized Christina was smiling. "You're twisted," she said.

Christina chuckled. Her hands slid down Lilly's back to cup her ass. "You need this as much as I do."

Lilly loosened her grip on Christina's hair. "I don't need anything from you." She said the words even as she leaned back encouragingly so Christina would squeeze tighter.

"You want it." Christina said. Her smile became more smug as Lilly parted her lips to moan.

Lilly closed her eyes. She felt Christina's hand slide across her thigh to her fly, felt Christina's hand against her. When Christina made no further move, she covered Christina's hand with her own, pressing it against her.

"Who hurt you?" He'd asked her on the phone from prison.

My mom.

My sister, Chris.

My ex-boyfriend, Kite.

Every murderer, rapist, pedophile, abuser, and victim.


Christina worked the hand still on Lilly's ass down to where her leg began, squeezing, letting her fingers stray into the crux between Lilly's legs, close enough to feel the heat through the cloth. With her free hand, she slid down the zipper. Lilly's breathing became shallower as her pants were opened, and a soft hand touched her.

Lilly felt Christina's fingers slide underneath her panties and tangle in her bush. The hand on her ass held her firmly to keep her standing. She pressed forward, putting her hands on Christina's shoulders, and Christina's middle finger found her swollen clitoris. When Christina's touch pushed past wet lips, Lilly allowed herself to moan more openly. Christina was all about losing control. Lilly could lose control, just this once, and return to her life in the morning.

Christina's fault.

Christina was stroking her with practiced precision. Her fingers were warm, applying knowing pressure, light and gently brushing the sides of Lilly's clitoris and then slipping further to caress her lips without entering her, until Lilly was wetter than she could remember being. Heat traveled up her spine. Her heart pounded in her ears along with her own panting. She squeezed Christina's hand, stilling it, and thrusting her hips against the firm fingers.

This is what you want to see, she thought as she gyrated against Christina, keeping her eyes closed so she wouldn't have to see the satisfaction on her sister's face. You know deep down I'm just like you. I'll never be anything better.

Lilly came, trembling against Christina, her knees buckling, supported only by Christina's hands. When she could breathe again, she straightened, pushing herself up, and said, "This isn't who I wanted to be." She looked at the picture on the far wall again, the one bare of any human connection.

It was better to save that kind of emotion for the job. Kept her focused.

Christina lowered herself to the floor and winced at the cramps in her knees and calves. "Yeah, well, join the club," she said.

Lilly hated her.

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