Old Xena Had a Harem

by Rysler

* * *

[ Takes place during Old Ares Had a Farm ]

Ares crept up behind Gabrielle at the table. She was plucking a chicken. He grabbed her hips. "Make me some dinner, woman."

Gabrielle chuckled. She twisted in his arms, turning around to face him, and trailed one finger down his chest. "Hungry?" Her finger was covered in chicken blood, and she left a stinking trail across his skin.

"That's disgusting," he said.

"Pluck it yourself." She took off her apron and threw it at him, and left the room.

Ares sighed. He prodded the chicken. It remained unmoving. He picked it up and set it back on its feet, disheveled and headless.

"She's never going to sleep with you, you know."

Ares grunted. "No one can resist the God of War."

"Well, you do have a fine ass," Xena said, coming up behind him, grabbing him in the same manner he'd grabbed Gabrielle.

"You could help me."

"I could," she agreed. "But it's more fun to watch you fail."

* * *

"Okay," Ares called. He was standing barefoot in the yard, and curled his knuckles. "Me and Xena spar. Winner gets Gabrielle."

"Hey," said Gabrielle.

Xena lifted her fists. "Better hope you win, mortal boy. Gabrielle can do amazing things with her tongue."


"Really?" Distracted, Ares dropped his elbow, and took a jab in the face. "Ow. Zeus. Loser gets to watch."

Xena kicked him in the shin.

Gabrielle crossed her arms. "Now I'd give him sympathy sex."

Xena grinned.

Ares circled around Xena, dancing on the balls of his feet. Gabrielle went inside. Xena and Ares sparred, as they did each afternoon on the farm, until their skin glistened with sweat and Ares was complaining about bruises.

"Guys," said Gabrielle from the porch. Ares and Xena turned to look at her. She stood in the doorway, completely naked, and said, "Is there a winner yet?"

Xena licked her lips. Ares fell onto the grass.

* * *

Ares stretched out on his back on the bed. "Does this count as a harem?"

"Only if it counts as mine," Xena said. She lowered her mouth to his chest, just as Gabrielle ran her hand up his thigh.

Ares groaned. "Oh, yeah. I win."

* * *

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