The Young And The Dumb


FANDOM: Birds of Prey TV

PAIRING: Helena/Barbara.



SUMMARY: continuation of Inner Monologue and I Scream, You Scream.

ARCHIVED: at Barbdheart's LJ @


"Oh Sandy, I can't live without you ... but my dying husband is still alive while he's in his coma and he did get into that coma while trying to save my sisters mothers brothers boyfriends child from a devestating fall into Dead Man's Ravine."

The amount of quality television programming these days is just terrible.

"And Sandy ... I've been meaning to tell you ..."

Dum Dum duuuum.

"I'm in love with your sister!"



And so much like dumb and dumber.

Look at them, all snuggly on the Delphi, bet they don't even realise they haven't stopped touching each other since the ice cream melted. I bet they don't even realise they've been in love since ... since ... before Wade.

Bet they don't even realise that everyone and their dog thinks they've been dating for months.

Bet they don't even realise that I know they've been making out when I'm not looking.

They're so kidding themselves.

"But Desiree, how could you be in love with my sister?! You have a child, you were married to my brother ... surely you aren't ... "

Dum dum duuuuum.

"A lesbian."

No, no, she isn't a lesbian, just likes to flip pancakes on wednesdays and fridays. Eesh.

Hah! A hand to the knee. Wonder what happens next ...

"Oh Barbara, I can't live without you anymore. I must have you."

"But Helena, what will everyone think? You were my ward, I was your guardian. Surely people will think I was getting just a little bit too much of a happy when I spanked you."

"Oh Barbara, damn them all. Damn them all to hell! Our love will one day raise us above all that is known to the normal eye. We will be Anthony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, Ellen and Portia .... Xena and Gabrielle!"

"Baby, we can't. I must think of Wade and his terrible, horrible, evil step parents. They do not like me but I must be nice to them anyway. I must suffer through the torment. We cannot give in to our deepest primal desires. Not yet my love. If we are meant to survive this torment, we will be together in heaven. Where no man can stop us from loving!"

"I understand my sweet little oracly pookie, but surely you will allow me just one night. One night to taste your sweet lips and suckle upon your delicious mounds of pleasure ..."

... I need a different tv station ... or a different set of guardians ... or a bat to hit them over the head with ... or a clue ... oh hell.

~ ~ ~