FANDOM: Birds of Prey TV
PAIRING: Completely Helena/Dinah.
DISCLAIMERS: I don't own anything. I borrowed Helena, Dinah and Gabby from the WB, and the Corrs from their parents, though Carolyn (the drummer) will be a little later than the rest in getting back...
RATING: NC-17 (I can't excuse it this time. It is chalk full of sex. *shrug* What'm I gonna do?).
SUMMARY: "My heart aches with a hunger, and the want that you are mine..." Helena and Dinah share much more than one night together.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Nothing too good comes from too much RENT in your head...
It was a Wednesday. That much I remember. It was a long day after taking inventory, and Leonard made me stay late because he's a bastard like that. The Labris, a lesbian bar on the New Gotham/Bludhaven city line, was crowded. Women from both cities frequented the place. I was looking for someone to play with, if only for a few hours, or if I liked them enough, the whole night. This was my ritual every Wednesday since you went on vacation from the superhero life and forgot to come back with souvenirs. Dinah had taken your place as Oracle, and it was almost as it was before she came to New Gotham when it was me and you. One brain, one brawn.
Unfortunately, your vacation lasted over two years. Dinah had turned twenty-one months prior to this, but since she had become Oracle, she never went out. I started to respect Dinah a lot more when it came to the point where we felt you just weren't coming back. We'd done alright for ourselves, though. I think Dinah liked that I hadn't called her 'Kid' since a few months after that because she was nothing like the girl I had rescued in the ally five years before.
As I've said, a) The Labris was a lesbian bar, and b) Dinah wasn't the type to go out, which was why I was surprised to see her there, sporting a white blouse and black pants. Maybe it was a different setting, or maybe it was the two Yegger, I'd shot back, but this wasn't at all the girl I'd saved. No, this was the woman who saved me night after night. She didn't see me when she came in with her friend Gabby, and she looked as if she didn't even want to be there. She was about an inch and a half taller than when we first met, making us the same five-nine in height. I pictured her where she obviously wanted to be, back at the Clocktower, where she'd be working on a college paper or doing some research or another, just like you.
I was on the other side of the bar, and I doubt she even knew I was there, but then, she WAS Oracle, and even before that, Dinah saw and thought a lot more than she let on. My body moved with the music away from her; I wasn't' really sure where to look, really, so I watched as Gabby flirted with a girl I remember being in my bed once in June. Didn't remember her name then, and I don't care now. Dinah slowly made her way to the dance floor before something told me she knew I was there. She looked my way, and she looked guilty, but not as guilty or as caught as I felt. Did she know I went there? She had to have, it wasn't like I made a big deal about my sexuality, but was Dinah there as a supporter to Gabby, or was she there because she too liked the scent of a woman? Well, she could have been bisexual because of all that fool Matt she was once gaga for, but no one else as far as I remembered.
I watched as Dinah let herself get lost in the music. The girl could dance, and that surprised me. Sure, it was a little bit awkward, her moments, but she was in a new place, and a lot of women were watching her, I could tell. One woman, about twenty-seven, approached Dinah, who smiled and declined the dance with her. Dinah's body seemed to have a different sway to it than most of the rest of the women in the room. She didn't have a 'come hither' look about her as she danced, or a nervous 'am I doing this right' feel to her as I saw some women portray in their dance moves. Gabby and I were the only two there or ever who knew her well enough to know she was nervous, but no one could tell just from looking at her that night. No, Dinah seemed to- I don't know- plead for someone/something more. It was amazing to watch. Even Kerri, a repeat between my sheets, couldn't grab my attention from this woman I thought I'd known, this woman who seemed to yearn for touch, yet moved away from any woman who approached her ready to give it to her. And my, were there many willing.
"You should dance with her," a voice next to me suggested, and I almost dropped my vodka. I looked over at the African American woman next to me. "You seem interested, so why don't you go dance with her?" I didn't tell her all the reasons why that was the worst thing I could have done, so instead, I mentioned the obvious.
"She's moved away from every girl who's tried to get close to her. I don't think she'll be any different with me."
"Well, you never know unless you try." It was true, but I knew even as buzzed as I was, that there would be hell to pay if I took her advice. But I was interested, and I wanted to be close to Dinah just then. I put my glass down after draining it, then I tried to be smooth as I inched closer to Dinah's dancing spot. She saw me and watched me as I got closer. I saw a look of slight panic and hesitation from her. Then I saw the envy of a girl or two she'd moved away from.
"Dance with me," I said, practically screaming in her ear because she had to be right next to the damn DJ as she enticed the women around her. She slightly nodded and I put a hand on her hip and moved at her rhythm, but I couldn't quite copy her moves. They were sensual, but if anyone else had moved that way, I'm sure I would have said it was slutty, and depending on the mood, I would have wanted all of it or nothing to do with it.
As I said- and there's no other way to describe it- Dinah's dancing looked like a plea, but I didn't know what all she wanted until later, but I'll get to that. Somehow, her back was to me, and my hips and crotch were grinding into her backside. My hand found its way to her diaphragm and I looked over her shoulder with a smug look at some of the women who stared at us. I couldn't help it. I knew her, and these women didn't. Then again, maybe I didn't know this woman in my arms as well as I claimed, but I claimed her. A few songs went by, but of course, you can't have a dance night- and think this one was dedicated for couples more than anything as far as I remember- without some mushy love song, most likely from the eighties- somehow remastered to be worse scratched and scribbled than it was when it first aired on the radio who cares how many years ago. I slowly let my hands slip off of her stomach and was about to go to the bar when she grabbed my arm. Her eyes seemed to hold that same plea her body had moments before. I stopped moving.
"Dance with me?" she asked, and that was the first thing she had said to me that night. I nodded, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. Truth be told, I was reluctant to dance with her on a slow song. I'm shit for admitting this now, but I wanted her and nothing else that night. Judging by the way she was dancing, she wanted/needed something too. From who, it was unclear then, but she hadn't moved away from me like she had the others, and I was there. Still, I put my arm back around her waist as her fingers lightly scratched the back of my neck. I shivered and my head jerked from one side to the other in a motion to get them to stop. She can't know that that was my weak spot. Looking back, maybe she'd known long before that night. She was Oracle with touch-telepathic abilities, after all.
Dinah's fingers continued to make my bottom half tingle, and suddenly, our foreheads touched. What song was playing after that dumb eighties song? It was a good one; I knew I heard it streaming on the Delphi a lot. Dinah liked to do that, use the computer in ways that would've made you cringe. I know that you hate when the Delphi's used as a normal computer, used for watching music videos or streaming music, but the stress of 'the life' doesn't get to her so much if she's working to the music, so I never said anything. It was by that Irish sibling band that was so popular at the turn of the century. The O'Conners? The Corrs, that's it. The song was pretty, about giving up everything for someone for one night. Dinah's hand moved around the back of my neck to my cheek as I looked at her. The longing was in her eyes, and she leaned towards me. I let her kiss me. It was a soft kiss; she was so unsure. I sensed the same question a lot that night: 'Is this okay?' Many times, I wanted to tell her that it was all more than okay. I don't remember now why I never said it. I didn't keep track of how long we were like that. I do know that the Corrs song was long over when I looked up to see we were still being watched by a lot of people.
"Let's get out of here," Dinah said when she saw this as well. Hey, that's my line. This semi-silent but demanding Dinah was something I had never seen in her before. I wasn't sure if I was turned on by it or slightly afraid of it. Maybe both, and that was what drew me to her. She was almost a stranger with a friend's face. I nodded dumbly, not sure what else to say or do. I think frankly I was caught off guard by her request. Was what I was thinking really going to happen? We walked off of the dance floor and when I looked towards her friend Gabby, I got a wink. She'd known something I didn't, and when someone outside of 'the life' knew something I didn't, that should have been the moment that the warning bells would ring in my head, but I wasn't thinking clearly as it was. I grabbed my jacket from the chair it was draped over and Dinah got hers from where her best friend sat. I watched as they said goodbye to each other, Gabby giving Dinah a hard time and Dinah glaring at her. Unlike before, I ignored the stares we got, some envious, some curious, many amused. We got to the sidewalk and Dinah put her hand out to hail a cab.
"We can go to my place. S'just a few blocks away." I don't know what took over me. I guess I felt that it would be awkward between us later no matter where we went, so maybe the place didn't matter. Dinah nodded this time, and I could tell she was more than a little surprised, as if she had something totally different in mind and everything just went completely in the opposite direction. The night, from what I can remember, was foggy and the air was cold, but it was better than all that body heat in The Labris.
Usually when I went home with a woman, a) I went to her place, and b) she'd drive or we'd get a cab. That time, I felt so odd as we got closer to my apartment. I don't remember if Dinah had already seen my apartment after I moved out of the Dark Horse or not, but I knew Dinah wouldn't really care about that, anyway. She might make some sort of comment to be polite because that was her way, but I knew she wouldn't really see anything. I remember a scene running through my head of her saying it was nice, and me replying with a sarcastic remark about Leonard helping me decorate the place, which was true. My jacket wasn't really designed to protect me against the February weather, nor was Dinah's, so the harder the wind blew, the faster we walked in an attempt to get out of it until five blocks later, we were standing at my door. Dinah shivered, and I did as well a moment later. We got inside the apartment, but I honestly didn't know what else to do. Part of me still wanted to screw her brains out, but there was still a voice saying how screwed up our lives would be afterwards, that I should have offered her the sofa and called it a night.
I wanted her, that was so clear that night, but I wasn't completely without morals. What if Dinah read more into it all and wanted more than just that night? What if the sex was horrible? On the flip side, what it if all was fan-fucking-tastic? What if the awkwardness between us affected our friendship or our crimefighting partnership? I didn't want to hurt her. What got to me the most was that Dinah was so silent most of the night leading up to that moment, and it bothered me. Dinah was so good at holding her thoughts (and anyone else's for that matter) and I had no way of knowing what exactly was on her mind. She was worse than me that way, and that was scary.
I took off my trendy but otherwise useless jacket and reached out in a silent gesture to get Dinah's as well. She shrugged out of hers as she took a look around the parts of the apartment she could see, the living room, the kitchen and the door to the closet, where I hung up our coats. The closet door creaked a little when I closed the door. Dinah still surveyed the place, and I let her, watching her for any change in... anything. Then her eyes landed on me. "It's nice." No Leonard comment. She didn't give me time to squeeze it in. "Show me your bedroom."
If I'd taken a swallow then, I know I would have sounded like a cartoon character, and the gulp would have been loud. I nodded and walked slowly down my narrow hallway, grunting, "Bathroom," when we passed it. We turned to the door opposite of the bathroom and I opened it. I was surprised that there weren't any dirty clothes on the floor. Had Alfred come by? Was it laundry day already? Was I actually keeping my place neater? Exnay on option three. My bed was still unmade as far as I remember, so I'd say exnay on option one as well. I heard the door close behind me and I turned to look at Dinah. She was leaning against the closed door, and she was watching me. It must be an Oracle thing to just patiently watch me like that. Then she took two steps into the room, her body pressing into mine as it had when we were dancing. I remembered then why we were there, as if I really could forget, and my hesitation vanished when she kissed me.
Even after the countless lovers I'd had by then, I'd never been explored before. I don't think we ever took the time, never seemed to have the time. I was never something new to be discovered, something to be cherished. Dinah's kisses were just as soft as before, and almost rehearsed in a way, as if she'd just learned to kiss earlier that day and was using that practice on me. Her hands didn't touch the back of my neck like before, and I was slightly grateful, slightly disappointed by that. Instead, they touched my hair, my cheek, my neck, and my collar bone, almost as if they weren't sure just where they wanted to be and not wanting to settle down, anyway.
I won't completely describe all of the kissing. There's two reasons for that. One, I've read kissing scenes in both hetero and lesbian romances, and the description of tongues and hands sounded to me a lot more disgusting than it is in real life (and I doubt I could describe it better, anyway). Two, the kissing lasted so long that if I recalled everything- even if I remembered it all- it would take me hours. Just know that it was slow. Very very slow. At first, since I was still a little worried about our future after that night, slow was good for a while. But then Dinah started getting bolder, and her touches went more and more South, but never past my belly button. I wanted her naked ASAP, but whenever I'd tug at her blouse or try to touch her zipper, she move my hand away. I remembered it being somewhat a game to me. How long can she resist it? It slowly started to frustrate me, thoughts of her just being a tease getting to me. It made me want her more, of course, and maybe that was the point of it all, to want her to the point of madness. It was working, damn it. Suddenly, I felt the clasps of my bra coming undone at the same time she tugged my shirt up and over my head, leaving me completely topless. Telekinesis, man... if I had TK, no woman would ever kick me out of their bed.
This was almost were I drew the line. I, Helena Kyle, am no bottom, so when the Hell did I lose the upper hand? If she was going to top me, I'd wished at the time that she'd at least talked a little dirty, told me that as Oracle she saw all the bad things I'd done when I thought no one was looking and that she was going to punish me for each an every one of them. No such luck.
The silent but demanding Dinah's excitement was starting to die down some at that point. What the hell was she thinking about? Dinah put a finger to my lips as if to silence me, or maybe my thoughts. Did that mean she saw them then? Or did it just show on my face? I drew her finger into my mouth, not sure what else to do with it. She withdrew it quickly, clearly surprised by that, and I smiled a slow, sly smile before looking back at my bed. How or why we hadn't yet made it there was beyond me, but it was our next stop. We walked to it together, me walking backwards. Locking eyes with me, Dinah climbed on the bed, forcing me to lay back. Again with the top/bottom thing. So there I was with my back against my slightly rumpled pillows as Dinah lay pelvis to pelvis on top of me, both hands holding her above me. She froze for a moment, and I wondered, slightly panicked, if she'd never been with a woman (or a man for that matter) before, and didn't know beyond all the kissing what all to do. It certainly would have explained a lot.
With a somewhat unsure hand, her fingers trailed down my chest until they raked across my left nipple; she watched it harden between her fingertips. As if I was the touch telepath between us, I felt her performance anxiety. Slowly, always slowly, she leaned her head down and flicked the nipple between her fingers with her tongue, pausing as if to take in its taste, then her lips replaced her fingers. I think I hissed as I sucked in air quickly through my teeth. Each of her movements were slow, and at times I swear she was going slower and slower. I almost appreciated the ache that the slowness brought. The need for release was there and strong, but I knew by then that it would be that much sweeter when she decided I could have it. A few times, after she'd made both nipples about as hard as I'm sure they possibly could have been, I pushed at her shoulders, telling her that I needed her mouth elsewhere. She didn't budge. I took the hint, but I didn't like the waiting so much. You know how I am.
Of course, I've have aggressive lovers in the past top me, but they earned the right to top after a struggle. Those were the fun ones who made me loudly beg and pleaded for release, but that was only about the power trip of being a top. Some women just had to have it or the night was a bust. This, I knew was something different, the need to control for a whole different reason. This was something I'd realized later on that Dinah felt she had to accomplish, either to rid herself of performance anxiety or what have you. Eventually, I did give in. If this was how it had to go down to keep the night from being a bust, then I would have had to let it happen by her rules. And it did.
She looked up at me; our eyes met again before her kisses went North towards my collar bone and then my neck before she kissed my lips. I felt her left hand on my stomach and her right hand pulled at my zipper. I almost panicked. Can you believe that? Me? Panic? But I did. It meant truly no going back. We were already too deep, I knew. I put my thumbs to the tip of my jeans, trying to cast away the thoughts of our friendship going down the drain and our night life suffering hardcore because of those actions. Dinah pushed my hands away yet again before I could shake and shimey out of them. I needed to do something with my hands, otherwise I would have gone crazy with the frustration, so I put one hand (my left, I think) in Dinah's hair, and the right one touched her cheek. Her lips met mine as her fingers slid past my zipper and under my panties. Her hand lingered there, unsure. We both froze except for the kiss until slowly I let my hips rise to meet her fingers and she was touching my wetness. Her middle finger stroked slowly and lightly, and I moved my hips. I wanted her to go deeper, but I doubted she knew where I needed her fingers. I told myself in my mind that I'd show her because I will get my turn. She won't get away with it, I thought. I finally broke away from her kisses. "Dinah-"
"Shh..." she shushed, as if my talking would have broken her concentration and/or ruined everything. Her hand withdrew and I looked at her, asking with my eyes if something was wrong, but she grabbed the tip of my jeans and pulled. I lifted my ass off of the bed, and I knew that Dinah could smell me. I could smell me. She spread my legs and just stared. It was a little unnerving. No one's ever just stared at my vagina before. At least, not without making comments like, 'Oh, you've got such a pretty pussy,' or 'Look how wet you are, you naughty thing... Have you been wanting me?' or 'Alright, everything looks okay. As soon as you get dressed you may go, Miss Kyle.'
'Say something!' I wanted to scream at her. 'Please, do something or stop staring.' Shit or get off of the pot. I didn't realize that I had started to sort of fidget until she'd snapped out of what trance she might have been in and stilled me. Her hands touched my belly, my thighs, and knees before her left hand continued where it had left off. Dinah must have sensed that her time for exploration was almost up, that I was too antsy to let her continue this torture for much longer. I knew it, too. Forget whatever it was she felt she had to do, I needed release. I barely suppressed a moan when she kissed my neck. Her middle finger pressed harder, and she went faster. I looked up at her and she watched my face. "You're beautiful," she whispered, her eyes never leaving mine, and at last I came, arching my back and flinging an arm across my mouth to stifle the guttural groans that I knew would never in a million years be considered sexy. Her middle finger continued its movements, slower until I moved away from her. She made me feel strange. She was fully clothed with the exception of her jacket, and there I was stark naked, vulnerable. I didn't like it. She seemed hesitant on what to do now. I gave her a power over me, however brief, and I didn't even get one word of dirty talk. I'd gotten, 'You're beautiful.' Never.
I mean, women would whisper all sorts of sweet nothings in your ear to get you to sleep with them, hell, I say most of them (that is where they don't differ from men), but I'm sure I was sprawled out on my bed, naked and sweating, my hair out of place and squirming as if I had something under my skin. Maybe she was. Under my skin, that is. Still, how could she wait until THEN to tell me that I'm beautiful when she had hardly said a word before that? I didn't like that. I heaved in a few deep breaths as Dinah rubbed her hand the length of my body.
"You're not getting away with that," I said in hopes of getting her to speak up. I got just a confused look, and it was sexy as hell. I sat up and stared her down, but she didn't budge. Not an inch. I reached out to undo the buttons on her shirt, but she backed away. "If I'm getting naked, you're getting naked. I'm no pillow queen, so strip if you're not gonna let me do it." I muttered a moment later, "Though that is the best part. S'like opening a present." At that, Dinah nodded. She unbuttoned the first one, then took my hand, guiding it to her shirt. I grabbed the front and tugged her to me in a kiss, rougher than the ones we'd shared before. I'm sure Dinah tried to keep up- she probably never had been kissed in such a fashion before.
She seemed nervous as I took her shirt off. I left a kiss on her neck. I thought about leaving a mark, but ended up not doing that. I wanted to keep things there at that night. I wanted to make her feel a little more comfortable, and was actually surprised that after what she had done to me, she was still jittery and uncomfortable. I'm sure had it been anyone else, they would have gotten cocky after that, thinking that they had 'tamed the beast' or something. But maybe it was the touch telepath/Oracle in her that knew better, and that made her jittery. I saw, looking down at her, she had a grey sports bra on, and figured she was working out with Gabby before going to The Labris. She did that sometimes. Either that, or it was laundry day for her too. That went easily over her head and joined her blouse on the floor. Any and all skin I uncovered got a little bit of attention from me. Our training over those five years really did Dinah's body good. After she'd become Oracle, Dinah still took time to work out, either with Gabby or myself. Sometimes- most of the time, really- alone, and I'm glad she kept it up. Call me shallow. The hint of baby fat that she'd had when she first moved to New Gotham was long gone.
Unlike yours truly, Dinah makes noise. She liked it when my hands grazed over her nipples and was disappointed when they hadn't stopped to show them some love. I liked the sound she'd made when I teased her, getting my revenge on her. She wanted glacier-like slow? She'll get it. I could tell she wanted me to move a little bit faster- not as fast as I'd have liked to go (our speeds were naturally different)- but faster than I was going. Dinah was more vocal than some of my past lovers, less vocal than most. I still wondered what she was thinking, what exactly she wanted. She said nothing and took the torture. I kind of wished she'd have demanded I go faster or harder, but she hadn't (not that I would have done what she demanded for a while). Was she afraid to ask for what she wanted? She was slow with me, so I could only assume that slow was the way to go. It was kind of fun, I must admit, going too slow for even Dinah's standard. I think then was one of the rare times I wished I had Dinah's powers. I mean, the telekinetic strip was more than kickass, and I would have given my life to have been able to do that. Or to be able to have a little look-see into Dinah's mind for once to find out what her angle is, what game she's playing and how I can win it.
When even I couldn't stand it anymore, I practically ripped Dinah's pants in an effort to get them off. Almost instantly, my whole body went feral, and I instinctively backed away. I've only gone feral like that a small handful of times before that, mainly when my powers had first emerged and I was learning to control them. The other main time was when it had been a while since I had had sex and met up with a woman who'd played rope games. I kept my eyes closed until she finally turned out the lights like I'd begged her to. I was at the height of my arousal then, but that time with Dinah, I wasn't, but I was close. I couldn't understand why I'd gone feral. At least, not then. Maybe it would have made sense if I'd gone feral when I'd had my orgasm moments before, but not then. Needless to say, it confused me. Were my powers evolving? You'd once warned me that they might, as Dinah's seemed to evolve every few years.
I felt her hand on my cheek, and I slowly looked up at her. Her eyes widened when she saw me, but otherwise there was no other visible reaction from her. Dinah's blue eyes just stared into mine, and I knew she was telling me that it was okay. She had seen me feral countless times, but usually when I was in a fight. This was something else. I knew she wouldn't run away screaming like I knew the other women I had been with would have, but she had never seen a different cause for my change. Looking into her eyes, it was like she was still saying 'You're beautiful,'.
I couldn't help myself. I kissed her. She ran her fingers through my hair and her fingers scratched the back of my neck. I pushed her down on to the bed and looked at her pants. I wanted to rip her pants off and eat her alive, but I looked into her eyes again and told myself no. 'I won't be a freak,' I said to myself. I let Dinah help me get her out of her pants and underwear, and I did all I could not to go crazy. Kissing, I'd decided, was safe, so that I did, running my hands over her ribs and stomach before traveling south. When I broke away from the kiss, I could hear Dinah's accelerated breathing. I wanted to be inside her, to crawl under her skin as she seemed to have gotten under mine.
She was so wet when my fingers went through her pubic hair line just past her clitoris. I froze when I entered her and felt the slight barrier. My head whipped to look at her. "You're still a virgin?" I asked her incredulously.
"Helena please." I didn't say anything, but the look on her face was pleading. I didn't want to be responsible for taking the one piece of innocence Dinah had left. I didn't think I was the right person for that. Someone she loves should've had that- "Helena, please," she said again, "it's okay." I swallowed, caught between warring parts of my brain. Then I closed my eyes.
"This is gonna hurt, Dinah-"
"More than you know," Dinah whispered back. I wanted to ask her what she'd meant by that, but she arched her back and I pushed past her barrier. Dinah's eyes squinted shut, and I could tell she was fighting the pain. "Ghnumph!" she grunted, and I stopped moving. I smelled the blood. Oh god, I knew she'd bleed, but I didn't want to believe what I'd done.
"Are you okay?" I asked, probably more for my benefit than hers.
"Yeah... I didn't quite expect it to feel like that," she replied a little brokenly. I think I thought the think my first time.
"Don't be," she reassured me, but I was sorry. Guilty. I knew what this meant from a girl like Dinah, and it wasn't something I felt I deserved. I didn't believe that it was happening, but then, I think I already said that. It made me wonder, was it more than a one night stand? Had she already read too much into this? I almost cried when I saw the pain on her face. Had I? I stilled and listened to her quick breathing. I saw her open her eyes and look into mine again.
"I'm sorry," I said again for the lack of something better to say. Dinah shook her head.
"I'm not." It almost felt as if there was an unspoken 'I forgive you for everything'. What was she trying to tell me? What was she thinking? She got it from you, and it puzzles me and pisses me off just as badly when you did it. I hated her that guarded. I thought I was the mystery, but it turned out that I'm an open book compared to Dinah. I pulled Dinah closer to me. I couldn't believe how good she felt in my arms, my fingers inside of her. I waited with her, moving my fingers ever so slowly as she rode out the pain. I felt bad for hurting her at all. I didn't ever want to hurt her again, and decided right then that I wouldn't. I'm the only one left to protect her, even though she was the voice in my ear each night, protecting ME. A minor detail.
Her hair became damp with sweat and my wrists started to ache a little bit, but it wasn't as bad as the ache I felt inside. "Is there something that you want, Dinah?" She didn't respond. "I want to make you feel good, but there's something you want. Tell me." Still, nothing. Instead, she wiggled away from me, and I felt my hand slip out of her. "Dinah?" She sat up and swung her legs to the floor so that her back was to me. I followed her movements and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Dinah?"
"I want-" She took a breath. "You can't."
"What can't I do, and how do you know I can't do it?" I challenged. Dinah shook her head but stayed silent. I tightened my grip on Dinah's shoulder when she moved to get off of the bed. "Please, come back," I murmured. Slowly, she turned to face me, and I looked into her eyes in hopes they'd reveal something to me, but I only saw pleading. Hers were a shade I'd never seen on her before, or maybe it was they way she looked at me. Maybe it was the darkness. Maybe it was the day, the phase of the moon, or the mixture of our sex, our sweat. Whatever the case may or may not have been, I felt it, that something different that Dinah had been showing me all night. I knew then that it was what she wanted all alone. It was what her body had been pleading for at the club. It was what she needed, what I needed to give her. It was what I wanted to give her.
I reached out to her with my other had and touched her face. I ignored the blood. She settled back on the bed, and I hovered her body with my own. "Those eyes..." I didn't know how to finish that sentence, so I never did. Instead I kissed her. Something sifted within me at that moment. I can't describe it exactly. I felt as if my feral part wanted to growl and mark Dinah. Part of me kept saying 'she's my mate', but I clamped down hard on that. I was no animal. Still, what was it with me and my urge to mark her? I never really wanted to leave traces of the night on anyone (it made it easier to forget), so why her? On the inside, I felt caged, like my feral half didn't want to hold back. This, too, was new. Normally, I'd feel the urge to fight or fuck, and I could fight it off easily if I wanted to. I was willing myself so hard, yet still I couldn't fight this. Eventually, I had no choice but to let go.
I didn't rough her up and tear into her like I thought I would've if I let go. The feelings of 'she's my mate' got stronger. I kissed her neck, and this time, I did mark her. Huh. When she moaned, I was driven wild. My fingertips seemed to burn where I touched her, but it felt good. Better than anything, and I only felt like that after I let go. 'She's my mate', my soul seemed to say as a way to explain it all.What the hell? Seriously, I felt content to just stay there, touching her. Of course she'd want more, and of course I'd give that to her, but please, I thought, I just want to feel this. Her skin was moist with sweat, as was mine, I'm sure. Like before, I kissed where I could, only this time, it felt ten times as good, her skin on my lips (and between my teeth at times). "Helena-"
"You won't get what you want unless you tell me," I said, although I would have given her anything.
"Just me?" No response, but I saw it in her eyes. I nodded. "Okay." And so that was what she got. All of me. We moved together as one so much that I forgot we were two separate entities. I got lost in her, and I didn't mind if I never returned from it all. And when at last we'd run out of energy, I felt her hold on to me as if I might somehow float away from her. Did she not know that there was nowhere left for me to float? I felt as if there was no higher cloud than the ninth one we both lay upon together. Trust me, rereading that last sentence made me want to smack myself. I do know that I heard her say 'I love you' right before I fell asleep.
'We could spend the day in bed, just us.' I thought the next morning, (or rather, later that morning). Only one thing killed that thought completely: the other half of 'we' wasn't there. Dinah was gone, and, it seemed, she'd left hours ago. My body, still feral and alert, (though how she slipped away from me when I was is still like that to this day a mystery to me) tensed. Then I let out a sigh that sounded like a groan. I should have known. But... it couldn't have been just a one night stand. There was too much, too much there. It just made no sense. If it was a one night stand, then why did Dinah give up what she had? If it wasn't, then why did she leave? I felt cold, empty. All I wanted then was to go back twelve hours and say no to whatever possessed me to pick Dinah up the night before to begin with. Then, I don't know, I started to feel used, dirty. It was yet another foreign feeling, and I wondered if some of the women I'd been with in the past ever felt that way. 'Okay, no more sex for you until you've decide you're finally up to start dating,' I told myself angrily as I looked around. There was no sign of her presence except for her smell mixed with my own on my sheets, and the clothes I'd worn the night before in a semi-neat pile on the floor near the foot of the bed. (I would have thrown them anywhere.)
I couldn't handle the pain. Other than my mother's death and your sudden absence, I'd never felt so confused and helpless. It pissed me off.
I huffed out a frustrated breath of air as I practically jumped from my bed and went to my closet for a new set of clothes to wear. Then I sulked into the bathroom. What I couldn't get was why my body wouldn't go back to 'normal'. I couldn't fight this, and it sort of bothered me. In one part of my mind, I felt as if this feral entity that my powers came from was the most confused. I felt like screaming. 'She's my mate. Why'd she leave?' "She's not yer fuckin' mate. Get over it," I said angrily. That didn't go over well. My own body was ignoring me. You know that can't be good.
Her smell wouldn't go away. Even under the soap and even with my own 'human' senses I would've been able to smell the blood and sex. I dried off quickly after soaping and rinsing down. I ran a palmful of mousse through my hair and hurried to put my shoes on. I wanted to be angry with her, but I knew that she wasn't in control of how I felt. It seemed an extra long way to the Clocktower that morning. It was close to noon, and tough I was often up at all sorts of crazy ours of the night, I rarely slept in until noon, as neither Oracles would let me. See, even if you didn't hail me or call me in the mid-morning, I'd have some funky dream that you had, and no matter what, I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep afterwards. I know you know about that and used it to your advantage.
I got to the Clocktower about twenty minutes later than usual, as it was daylight and I had to walk the whole way. I didn't actually mind the walk. It helped me rehearse a little bit what I wanted to say. It sucked though, because I had to keep my eyes to the sidewalk so that I wouldn't get odd looks or reflect light and cause a scene. She'd known that I would eventually go there that day, if not to confront her about the whole thing, then to do normal sweeps and go about our 'normal' lives. The element of surprise for once was not on my side that time. No darkness to hide my eyes or expressions, no rooftop near enough to the balcony for me to jump in that way, both Oracles' security cameras everywhere. I just couldn't sneak in, damn it.
I had to punch my code in, so she would have to have heard the elevator gears shifting. I knew I was impatient- it's common knowledge in this family, but even I was surprised by how slow it seemed to take to get me to the top. When the elevator doors opened, I took in a deep breath and walked towards the Delphi, where I knew she'd be even if I had seen her first. She almost never left that thing. She's almost like you that way, aren't you proud? I just hope she doesn't end up leaving me, too. The sight of her was breath taking. Her hair was damp from a recent shower, and she wore a light green t-shirt and black denim jeans. The inner screams of 'she's my mate' that got louder at the sight of her was almost too much to bear. I wanted to grab her, hoist her over my shoulder and take her to her bedroom so we could lay together away from the rest of the world for the next twenty-four hours, but the sudden thought of her recent shower being a means to get rid of our night together hurt so badly, and my whole body almost fell to the floor in anguish, as lame as it is. I was only that much more angry with myself. I had taken a shower as well. Then, I did something stupid. I tried to speak, but my voice was at a higher-than-normal pitch. I wanted to smack myself, but that would have made me look even more like an idiot. "Why did you leave?" I swear to god, I whined. Dinah looked up from her screen, and she looked at me as if she really would rather be in a hole somewhere so that we didn't have to talk about the night before.
"It wouldn't hurt less if I left first." I snorted.
"Hurt less? Hurt WHO less?" There was a 'Look', as if she was asking me if my IQ would be greatly challenged by a big pile of shit.
"Me, of course," she said. Of course, it made sense. At the time I just didn't see that.
"Of course." I rolled my eyes. Man, I'm a punk when I'm hurt. Dinah's look said it all.
"After what I'd fel- given up last night, Helena, I don't know what I would have done if I'd woken up and you weren't there." She looked back at her screen for a second, moving her finger to turn off the monitor as she spoke next. "I knew to you, I was just another notch on your bedpost-"
"Don't you dare say that again-!"
"You know it, and I know it. It's the truth, Helena." I calmed down a little bit. I forced myself to. I wasn't liking the high strung cat I had become.
"At first... Yes, it was... But for the first time in my life, it wasn't about control or getting off. It was something more. I mean..." I looked up at her and fought the urge to grab her, to just reach out and touch her skin again. "I knew what you were really offering me last night- or at least, I thought I knew- and I felt weird being the one to receive an honor like that. God Dinah, when I'd woken up to find you gone, I wanted to die. I know now how some others in my past must have felt."
"I didn't know, Helena. I didn't know you'd feel that way. I knew that I would, but- but not you." Dinah looked as if she was at a loss for more words.
"It... was so cold by me, like... it was all a dream or something. Like some parts were real and others were odd thoughts I'd made up in my head. It felt as if it meant nothing-"
"After what I'd given up, how could last night have meant nothing to me?"
"That was the thought that led me here," I admitted shyly. We were silent for quite some time. I didn't know what to say next without feeling dumb, and Dinah was in some semipermanent state of shock before she spoke up.
"Truth is, I knew exactly what I was doing last night. I knew what I was giving up and why, if only for one night." Her words stung, and I remembered the song that we'd danced to. Had she requested it? Was I supposed to have gotten that hint?
"That is what I want to know, though. Why?" As if I didn't already know. As if YOU don't already know by now. I wanted to hear it from her.
"I would have thought that by now it'd be obvious." It was, I just wanted her to say it so that I could return it and not be rejected. "I wanted to be with you, completely- if only, like I said, for one night. I'm- I'm in love with you, Helena... Have been for years." Years? I let the silence fall around us again as I thought about that. Years? I never knew. Did you? If so, why didn't you tell me? Leave me one last hint before you left. 'Dear Helena: I'm joining your father in God knows where, be good. Love, Babs. P.S, Dinah's in love with you, you clueless monkey.'
Finally, I told her one thing that I didn't ever want her to know without having to poke about in my mind. "The first thought I had this morning was that I wanted to just spend all day in bed with you. I've NEVER felt that. Ever. I mean, just us. No TV, no email, metahumans or Delphi system. No outside forces at all. Just... just you and me. I felt that if I could just have that, my life would be complete. And now... I still want that." I hesitated as I watched Dinah, then looked down. "... Forever... With you." I linked my hands behind my back as Dinah just stared. It was as if her mind was going about your speed, but her mouth couldn't figure which thought to voice.
"Okay," she said at last, standing up.
"Huh?" This time, she hesitated.
"'Forever' was the one thing I wanted to give you last night, but couldn't. Had I known you wanted that, it would've been yours as well." I took the steps needed to be near her, but I was scared to touch her.
"You've given me so much, Dinah. I don't know- This... 'Forever', I want to earn it." I was finally able to spit it out.
"You don't have to earn it, Helena."
"But I want to. Please." She saw the need in my eyes and nodded. I leaned down to kiss her, and she wrapped herself, it seemed, around me. I loved it. 'She's my mate,' I felt, but my body sifted, my feral entity seeming to be content. 'Uh, sure," I thought back (but I believe it now).
So, that's our story. Sure, there may be a few times where I'm sure you wanted to scream, "Helena! TMI!" but you know what? You've been gone too long now to have any say in that what so ever. You don't like it, tough. That's the way it went down, and needless to say, we're still together. We still don't know where the heck you are, but Dinah once found your safety deposit box number and codes. Unfortunately, you had cleaned it out a month before you skipped town, you sneaky devil. By the way, I'm only telling you all this- Dinah and my story- in case on some unlikely whim you decide to come home. Don't be surprised to see us fucking at the Delphi. It's one of our favorite sports, you see. Something about her hair in that 'computer glow' color turns me on. Anyhow, you've been warned.