Keys to the Kingdom


FANDOM: Birds of Prey TV

PAIRING: Barbara/Helena

RATING: PG-13 to R

DISCLAIMER: Birds of Prey and all its characters still belong to DC Comics and Warner Brothers.

SEQUENCE/INSTALLMENT NOTE: continued from Forced Out and Suitcases and Stains.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ok this is, STILL, JUST a one shot thing brought about by the Infinite Crisis/OMAC/Year After/ and the stuff going on in the Marvel comic universe.

Yes it follows the other one shot thingies I did (Forced Out - post number 13875 and Suitcases and Stains post 14210) Yes it references and continues ideas and story from Forced Out. BUT, this is just a little vignette. Nothing else. Nothing more, no sequel or story arc or such (still trying to con someone into writing it with me :P )

But as with Forced Out - I took the concept of superheroes being forced to reveal themselves and played with that a bit (okay played with it a lot and building it up more then in the comic book world as the loose plot for this story follows with the Brother Eye ideas and the Marvel universe - Superhuman Registration Act).

So the background for this story is the TV show Helena and Barbara. But the whole basic arc going on in the comics with the OMAC/Brother Eye and related plots and all that whacked sh$! is in effect here also, kinda.

ARCHIVING: DocWho2100's Page @


"You went away again."

"Hmmm? Did I? Perhaps I did. This is not the most fascinating place to be right now, although..."


"Now, now doctor, turning my words into questions. I know that particular trick.."

"Fine, would your comment have anything to do with your visitor yesterday?"

"See, I knew you could make the jump and also was capable of original thought."

"You didn't answer my question."

"No I didn't, doesn't that just irritate you a little? I always enjoyed the dance and often drawn out back and forth during sessions. I know you don't."

"I don't?"

"Dear god you are channeling a parrot again. Dear doctor, you have a finger flinch. And when you get irritated because I am not saying what you want or need for your reports, you finger flinch."

"You've been with us for awhile now and this was your first visitor or contact with someone outside of these walls. And..."

"Oh dear, I see. You were asked to find out. Your cameras and recording equipment had a little problem, didn't they? Most of our conversation seems to have disappeared, hasn't it?"

"What? How do you know about the tech glitches?"

"Ah, ah, ah... professionalism dear doctor. You are losing yours and I must plead mine here. Patient/client privilege."

"What, how can you?"

"I am a doctor with the same, actually better, credentials than you. I could insert a nanny-nanny-boo-boo I'm better than you are comment here. Which I still may, but I am trying for the more cool and reserved persona today. I did have an interesting day yesterday."

"Now who is losing their attempt at professionalism and I still do not understand your comment."

"No dear doctor, and yes that is a sneer in my voice, but you will never understand. I and my visitor are so far beyond you and the others that your presence is a mere dalliance."

"But you claimed..."

"Privilege, yes well considering she came to me for council, I can claim whatever I want."

"Now see here, I doubt she would come to you for that. Closure maybe, or to check to make sure you are secure here but..."

"But the fact she might want to see me just to say hi escapes you does it? Think you have her all figured out and me as well do you? You know I made that mistake regarding her as well. In fact I never expected yesterday."

"So you have no idea why she came?"

"You know, you really should not be so blatant. Not that it would work with me, but see you reveled your actual interest in this topic rather than working to draw out information. Tsk, tsk doctor, you fail. Although I ask now why the interest? Why indeed."

"I am simply here to help you and to work on your rehabilitation."

"What a curious word to use, rehabilitation; seems I heard that somewhere before. Ooooo lookie you are doing the finger flinch. What caused your interest and concern in my words doctor?"

"I am concerned for your well being and what the visit yesterday may have provoked."

"Provoked? You mean did seeing her yesterday cause me to fall off the deep end and regress? Did seeing her create waves of emotional overload that could work against the treatments? Do I want to kill her? Do I want to fuck her? Do I want to have her lovechild? Do I want to ride off into the sunset with her?"

"Well if you are done with your outburst."

"Outburst, come doctor it was just a mad cackle and throaty laugh. A release of all the joy and tingles I am feeling. My visitor did cause tingles."

"What about the other things you mentioned?"

"Those were rhetorical, or at least will be until you give me something to motivate any further discussion about my visitor."

"Don't arch your eyebrows at me doctor. That last five minutes of silence is what we will continue to exchange unless you consider revealing why you are so interested."

"Your visitor is proving to be a unique individual. She just recently caught the attention of the people I work with. We hoped you might provide some insight as to why she chose to visit you."

"Ohhhhhh now I see, the whole Batgirl thing."

"So you do know. Is that why she came to you?"

"More silence? Are you going to elaborate on your Batgirl statement? Or are you just enjoying the silence while staring at me making faces?"

"What's the matter doc, don't like to be teased? I am a temptress ya know. And a brilliant mind-fucker. You don't like people fucking with your mind do you."

"Excuse me, what are you talking about?"

"Well you know I have never been worried about my mind being fucked. Although I have not had a good fuck, mind or body since getting here. I could do with both."

"Um, Harleen, are you alright?"

"Oh yes little man. I am more alright than I have been in a long time."


"Oh what the hell, I'll allow you to think your psycho-analysis is still proceeding as planned. I am because I had the most awesome orgasm of my life last night. Right there in the middle of my cell using my incredible imagination as I let my fingers do the walking. Did I ever tell you during one of our sessions that I think dominant redheads are sexy?"

"This really is not..."

"What you want, oh well see this is what I want. And what I will get. Because I agreed to give her what she wants and what she needs. In exchange, I am going to get the keys, keys to the only person on this planet capable of mind-fucking me and holding up when I return the favor. And she agreed, and I see now I have you to thank."

"What? Me?"

"Well not you little man, but your colleagues, our partners in crime. The PhD justified yuppie patrol that burns people to the ground. Empties out their being all for the sake of making them healthy again. We probe and pry and delve and destroy. Why do you think I chose this profession? Damn I love it, I'm getting all tingly again."

"Our colleagues? You know of O-Mac, the Ablution Project?"

"Ahhh so satisfying, almost as good as last night, you just finger flinched doctor. Thank you for your helpful information."

"How do you know about these things? I have no other visitors or recorded communication. You've had only newspapers and some limited TV viewing."

"And like you know everything. You are so low on the food chain, I could stomp all over you and no one would bat an eye. I could stick my thumbs in your sockets and rip your various appendages from your body and no one would blink. Your records... What again do your records show about my visitor?"

"You do not need to gloat."

"Actually she took care of the little privacy thing; another handy skill of hers. One of many I will enjoy locking away or sifting through or whatever she has planned. Curious thing is, what game is truly afoot. What darkness is coming to drive her to me? The stakes must be very high, maybe this time I might die."

"She, you mean Barbara Gordon?"

"No I meant Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With bombshells and a fiery Hel and razor blades all in a row."

"You're losing your control. You need to step back and regroup."

"Oh no doctor. I'm finding it. Because you forced her out, now I am going to have a chance to find my way again. Fuck I love bureaucracy and pencil-pushing, thick-headed, ass-licking politicians as well as their counterpart ethically, morally, only I am righteous do-gooder lackeys. Shit, these tingles just keep coming."

"Harleen I think this session is..."

"Our last?"

"Excuse me?"

"I told you, you lowly plankton on the food chain. I am big shark. And the little guppy decided to let the big shark play with her. Of course the guppy is going to kick all of your warped minds, but the big shark is going to get to warp the guppy's mind. Keys, keys, keys."

"Harleen, we simply want to help you. And any association with Ms. Gordon will only cause..."

"A black mark on my record? A stain? A reprimand. I thrive on watching people suffer, why would I care what you misguided and totally out of your league players think? Ohhh look someone is knocking at your door. I think you messed up and are about to get more than a mark."


"Excuse the interruption doctor. You need to wrap up this session. We received transfer orders for Ms. Quinn. Um... sir?"

"Ignore her, she's just trying to get to you with her cackling."

"Um, yes, doctor, um. I'll wait outside and then will be taking her to processing."

"Where is she being transferred to?"

"Um, well I'm not supposed to say but it seems an order came through the system to transfer Ms. Quinn to a program overseen by the Wayne corporation. It seems a Dr. Gordon will be taking over the rehabilitation program."

"I see, thank you, we'll be done in a moment."

"Oh my god, she is good. And you sir just became a smudged stain on the bottom of someone's shoe."

"We'll see about that I'll..."

"Be so busy doing shit work seeing as you screwed up big time that you'll be lucky to have time to find a pot to piss in. You know, I think I just might have a thing for redheads after all. Time to get ready to play."

continued in Learning to Read Between the Lines